


A Warm Breath

by ryuusea



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hanji is a spirit obsessed with humans, Levi dealing with kid!Eren growing up, M/M, Masturbation, Puberty, Rated M for Ch.6 and 9, Rating May Change, Slow Build, Spirits, Supernatural Elements, and awkward feelings, kid!Eren being a kid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-26
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-01-17 01:48:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 52,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1369441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuusea/pseuds/ryuusea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re a human child, aren’t you. You mustn't touch me then, or I’ll disappear."</p><p>One summer when visiting his Uncle Erwin out in the countryside, Eren befriends a mysterious masked man who lives in the forest. They promise to meet every summer from then on. </p><p>In other words, a story told through summers, year by year, of Eren being a (cute) brat, Levi dealing with said brat, and all the fluff, awkwardness, and strange feelings that come with growing up, despite the limitations placed on their interactions.</p><p>Inspired by Hotarubi no Mori e.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time posting a fic for any fandom in years, so I am quite nervous. 
> 
> Inspired by _Hotarubi no Mori e_ , an absolutely beautiful short anime film. I rewatched it about three times while writing this first chapter (Yeah, I love it that much and will never get sick of it). I hope I was able to capture the peacefulness of the countryside in the same way the movie does.

* * *

 

_The continuous flow of the river_

_Never stops_

_And never remains the same_

 

* * *

_The silvery cityscape -- skyscrapers that scratch the clouds and gray apartment complexes that block the blue sky -- gradually sinks away into golden fields and seas of green trees. The sight from his train window is familiar, one that Eren watches unravel every summer. It was something he looked forward to every year since the first year they met._

_The first time was when he was nine years old..._

 

\--

 

“Hello, Erwin. I’m sorry for all the trouble,”

 

Those are the first words out of his mother’s mouth when his uncle opens the door. Uncle Erwin was not someone his family saw very often, seeing as he lived far out in the countryside.

 

“Of course. It’s no problem at all, Carla. We’re family, after all.” Erwin greets her warmly, letting them inside his little cottage.

 

It is a cozy, one-story home, with everything from the walls to the floors built from a walnut brown wood, dark and rich. Eren removes his shoes and curls his toes into the burgundy rug that leads from the front door to the immediately connecting living room. Eren’s eyes skim over the leather couches in the living room, darting to the jar of fruit candies atop the coffee table. A deep rumble of amusement draws his attention back to his uncle, who had laughed at something his mother said.  

 

One would think Erwin is not even related to the Jaegers, what with his bright blue eyes and golden blonde hair. Eren had inherited his mother’s dark brown hair and large, expressive eyes, though his are a much more vivid green.

 

Everything about the countryside is unfamiliar to Eren, who is so used to the cramped, city life. When Eren lets go of his mother’s hand and steps further into Uncle Erwin’s place, he is awed by how wide and spacious everything is versus the tiny two bedroom apartment he and his mother live in. Everything about the countryside -- The constant ringing of the cicadas, the houses spaced out so widely from one another, green mountains no matter which direction of the sky he looks -- is almost overwhelming in its peacefulness.

 

Majority of the houses here are one-story cottages, homely in their shades of earthy brown and stone gray. The roads here are not hardened by the constant roll of cars, and there is a fine coating of dust on Eren’s calves from the dirt that swirls around when one walks around town.

 

“...been fighting at school. Getting phone calls from his teacher. I think it would be good for him to come out here. Perhaps it will calm him down.”

 

Eren finds his attention drawn back to his mother and Erwin, aware that he is being talked about. He frowns when he realizes what Carla is talking about and stomps over, going to stand right in between the two adults. He glares back and forth between them.

 

Carla finally looks down, reaching down to pat his unruly, short brown hair.

 

“You make sure to be a good boy for Uncle Erwin, okay? And absolutely no fighting, you hear me?”

 

“Yeah, mom! I _told_ you, it’s that horse-face, Jean, at school -- Ow _OW_ , MOM!” Eren whines, when Carla grabs one of his ears, twisting it.

 

“I’ll have no more of your excuses, Eren! Be good! And I’ll be back for you when summer break ends, okay?”

 

“’kay.”

 

She yanks on his ear again.

 

“OW! I mean, ‘Yes, mom!’”

 

“Powerful as ever, Carla,” Erwin chuckles. He places his large hand on Eren’s shoulder, easing the struggling boy away from his scolding mother. Erwin smooths Eren’s hair in a soothing manner, avoiding the boy’s throbbing red ear as they bid Carla farewell. Eren thinks Erwin’s hand is warm and comforting and decides maybe this will not be so bad.

 

Eren took to wandering around town after the first day. There was only so much exploring he could do of the small cottage before he got bored of it, since Erwin was busy with work (He is a writer of some sort, hidden behind a mess of papers and a laptop at his desk). Eren’s first impression of Erwin was that the tall man was strict, with his neatly parted and slicked down hair, and military-pressed white collared shirts. But Erwin lets Eren do as he pleases, simply telling him to be back home before sunset for dinner.

 

Eren passes the days running around town, exploring fields and wandering the dirt roads between homes.

 

“Just be careful if you go in the forest,” Erwin warns.

 

And being the child he is, of course, he has to ask:

 

“Why?”

 

Erwin hides a smile at that and puts on his best stern face.

 

“There could be wild animals. And if you get lost, you could hurt yourself. If that happens, your mom would be very angry at me. We wouldn’t want that, would we?”

  
Eren’s already huge green eyes widen at that. He shakes his head furiously.

 

“Mama is scary when she’s angry! Uncle Erwin is really really nice and I really really like you, so I don’t want Mama to yell at you!”

 

“Thank you, Eren. That’s very kind of you,” Erwin cannot help his smile this time.

 

“If she does, I’ll tell Mama to yell at me, not you,” Eren affirms with the most serious of nine-year old nods. “And besides, Mama already yells at me a lot.”

 

Erwin laughs at that, and his laugh is a deep, warm baritone. It feels strong and reassuring, much like his large hands that gently push Eren to go outside and play.

 

Naturally, curiosity gets the best of him and Eren goes to the forest the very next day.

 

\--

 

From the main road that extends from Erwin’s home, a smaller dirt road branches out. If one continues down that path, it transitions into a stone pathway, eventually becoming stone steps as it slopes into a small hill. Eren is careful where he places his feet, for the stones steps are uneven and covered in moss. As he goes farther along the path, the trees become taller and close in around him, providing a shady reprieve from the hot summer sun.

 

When he finally reaches the top of the stone steps, he finds himself standing under a gate that marks the true beginning of the forest. It is composed of two wooden pillars, mounted by another horizontal one that connects them together at the top. The wood is so aged, it looks almost white with wear from the elements. Eren passes under it, and the trees and foliage are so much thicker from here. He wanders along, peeking and poking at unknown leaves and flowers.

 

An hour later, Eren is lost.

 

Eren trudges through the lush green grass, no longer blissfully amused. All the trees look the same. He is pretty sure this is the fourth time he has seen that one boulder. He sniffles, feeling his eyes water as nervousness creeps in.

 

“Someone… help me…”

 

The first big, fat teardrop fell. Eren begins to sob and he plops down, burying his face in his arms on top of his knees.

 

“Hey. Brat.”

 

Eren jolts upright, whipping his head around at the rough voice.

 

A figure stands a few feet away, leaning against a tree. Eren’s eyes trail up, starting from the other's feet. Everything looks normal, from the dark gray pants, to the long-sleeved white shirt, but then Eren’s wide eyes reach the masked face.

 

Eren gasps. It is a slightly intimidating bird mask -- starch white, black outlining where the round eyes should be, a beak that slightly protrudes out like an over sized nose, and beneath that a mouth that curls into a scowl.

 

“Are you lost?” The masked man simply asks (A man, Eren assumes, because of his voice and lean figure). He steps towards Eren.

 

Eren eyes the man up and down again, and besides the mask, he looks to be human… Eren begins to tear up again.

 

“AHHHH, SOMEBODY CAME! Help me, I-I’m lost!” Eren stands up and immediately rushes at the stranger, arms extended before him.

 

There is a sharp hiss from behind the mask and the man easily steps aside from the little boy hurtling forward.

 

Eren trips over his own feet, falling upon his face. He sits up, rubbing at his reddening, dirty nose.

 

“Wh-why did run away?” Eren hiccups. _This man will not help him?_ His vision swims as more tears gather.

 

“You’re a human child, aren’t you,” The man replies with his own inquiry. He says it with such a bored tone though, that it sounds more like an observing statement rather than a question.

 

“H-huh? What do you mean?” Eren mumbles while he rubs his tears and snot away with his fists. “Yeah, I’m human…”

 

“Ah, you mustn't touch me then, or I’ll disappear,” The man muses aloud. The bird mask tilts to the side in the slightest.

 

Eren blinks at that, tears now forgotten, his own curiosity now taking over.

 

“Disappear?” He echoes.

 

Eren gets up to his feet with a wobble. He takes a hesitant step forward, then another. The masked man stands on guard, hands fisted at his sides. Eren continues to creep forward until he is right in front of the man. The hooked beak-nose curves down at him, the black voids for eyes staring.

 

Eren blinks once, twice. His eyes are watering again. The presence of another person sends a wave of relief through him, and he is raising his arms and rushing forward to grab onto --

  
There is a cracking and ripping sound. The man snaps off a tree branch with one hand as if it is nothing, promptly whacking the kid on the head.

 

“OOOOW!” Eren howls, falling down again and clutching the back of his head.

 

“Wh-What was that for?!” He whines, lifting his head to half pout, half glare at the strange man.

 

“Shitty brat! Didn’t you hear what I just said? You’re human. If you touch me, I’ll disappear.”

 

“O-oh,” Eren stands up again, head bowed like a puppy after being scolded.

 

“Besides,” The man mutters under his breath, “You’ve got all that nose shit all over those dirt-covered fingers of yours…”

 

A giggle escapes Eren. He looks up at the mysterious bird-masked man.

 

The man whips out the tree branch he is holding. Eren jerks back, instinctively throwing his arms over his head, thinking he would be hit again.

 

“Hey. I’m not going to hit you. You’re lost, right?”

 

Eren hesitantly lowers his arms. He sheepishly nods.

 

“Grab the tree branch. I’ll lead you out of the forest.”

 

Eren slowly reaches out, placing his small hand on the edge of the tree branch. He warily eyes the mask, and though the unchanging expression unnerves him, there is also an assuredness in its constancy. He tightens his hold, and the man turns and begins to lead the way.

 

Eren remains quiet, eyes fixed on the man in front of him. His hair is ink black and shiny, the lower half shaved neatly. The man is definitely nowhere near as tall as Erwin, who is a giant to Eren. Of course, the unnamed man is still very tall to the little nine-year old boy, but Eren is aware of how much slimmer this man is versus his broad chested uncle.

 

After some time, Eren is comfortable again, no longer worried about being lost. He can appreciate the playing light and shadows of the forest again. Plus, he is curious about his new friend.

 

“If you’re not a human, what are you?” Eren pipes up.

 

“Hmm… I’m just something that lives within this forest.”

 

“A ghost?”

 

“No. Do you see me walking through any of these trees? Or floating?”

 

“No. Oh! Are you a zombie?”

 

“I am very much alive.”

 

“A monster?”

 

A sigh filters out from beneath the mask.

 

“What do you think I am, kid?” The man pauses in his steps, turning his masked face down and in the direction of Eren.

 

Eren blinks at that, pondering as his question was thrown back at him.

 

“Well, _I_ don’t think you’re a monster. Because… you’re nice.” Eren ducks his head down shyly at that.

 

The man regards the child for a beat of a second, and then he is walking again. He does, however, slow down so that they are now walking side by side.

 

“Here.” That is all the mysterious man says when they arrive at the same wooden archway from earlier with its battered stone steps. The man stops at the edge of it, but pokes Eren forward with the tree branch.

 

Eren hops down two moss-covered stone steps before he turns around. He blinks rapidly, momentarily blinded by the sun setting behind his savior. _When did it get so late?_

 

“Mister?”

 

“I am a part of this forest. I can’t help you any farther. Just keep walking on ahead and you will eventually hit one of the roads.”

 

Eren grins widely.

 

“Thanks a lot! I’ll come back tomorrow! Will you still be here?”

 

“You shouldn’t.”

 

“Eh?” Eren frowns at that, his brows furrowing together.

 

“The forest is a dangerous place. You’ve been warned that, I’m sure.” His voice lowers darkly. “There are beasts and spirits that wander here.”

 

Eren feels the nervousness creep up his spine again, as the mask silently regards him.

 

“Beast or spirit… What’s your name, mister?”

 

The man does not reply. The wind picks up suddenly, rustling the man’s hair and clothing, but otherwise, he is unmoving.

 

Goosebumps erupt all over the boys body. Eren shivers and whips around, scared again and finds himself scampering away.

 

“A-anyway! I’ll come back tomorrow, so wait for me there!” The boy yells over his shoulder.

 

“Levi…”

 

Eren suddenly skids to a stop, nearly tripping over himself. It is so faint, a whisper barely heard over the breeze, but he hears it.

 

“My name is Levi.”

 

When he turns around, there is no one on the stone steps.

 

\--

 

“...ren! Eren!”

 

Eren perks up at the sound of his name. After he had learned Levi’s name, he had been all spaced out, quietly walking down the path he was told to take. His mind had been wandering, wondering if the encounter had been real or not.

 

“Uncle!” Eren grins, pushing off into a run.

 

Erwin pops out from some tall brush, hurriedly making his way over. His thick brows are pulled with worry. When he gets to Eren, he crouches down immediately, clamping his hands down on Eren’s shoulders.

 

“Are you okay? You had me worried sick. It’s going to be dark soon! I thought I told you not to wander too far into the forest!” Erwin lightly scolds.

 

Eren feels his bottom lip tremble. And then he bursts out crying, throwing himself into Erwin’s chest, rubbing his face into the lightly cologne-scented shirt.

 

Erwin softens at that, and he wraps Eren in a gentle hug.

 

“Come on, Eren. Let’s head back.”

 

Eren nods and does his best to control his tears. Eventually, he pulls away from Erwin, who stands and offers his hand.

 

Blinking at that, Eren lifts his hand. He pauses for a fraction of a second, before slipping his tiny fingers into Erwin’s. The ease with which one could touch another, was never something he had thought about before, but from that moment on, it unconsciously became something he would be so much more aware of.

 

\--

 

By the next day, Eren forgets his fears and heads back to the forest.

 

When Eren dashes the last spurt up the hill and the gate comes into sight, he screams happily because Levi is sitting on the top step, arms leaning against his knees.

 

“You’re here! You’re here!” Eren cheers, hopping up each step with vigor.

 

“You said you would come again, didn’t you?” Levi replies, his voice seemingly bored.

 

Eren laughs and bounces happily on his feet at that. He is panting and sweating in this summer heat, and his striped tank top sticks to his back, but the boy could care less because of the prospect of a new friend. Levi’s masked face tilts. It is a habit that Eren would soon learn that meant Levi is regarding him, or curious of something. It is one of the few indicators of the very unreadable Levi.

 

“Why are you so out of breath? There was no need to hurry,” Levi comments on Eren’s ruffled state.

 

“Ice cream!”

 

A plastic bag in a tiny fist is shoved forward, almost bumping Levi’s masked nose.

 

“Ice cream?”

 

“A thank you for yesterday! I had to hurry or it would melt,” Eren proclaims. The boy hurriedly unties the bag, pulling out two popsicles, handing the first one to Levi. Levi does not move for it at first, then he carefully reaches for it, fingers slipping around it a safe distance from the child’s own.

 

Eren blatantly stares, eyes huge and inquisitive, when Levi slides the bottom of his mask up, just enough so his mouth is uncovered. Levi unwraps the popsicle and brings it to his lips for a taste. He seems to judge it to his liking and stands with it delicately held between two fingers. He turns and begins to walk, then stops, turning his body towards Eren.

 

“You coming or not?”

 

“Hu-huh?” Eren’s face is sticky from his own melting popsicle, and it is already starting to drip onto his hand.

 

“I’ll show you the forest,” Levi says.

 

“Okay!” Eren gleefully accepts, skipping to be alongside Levi.

 

Levi names trees and butterflies, tells Eren what season flowers will bloom from that bush, what fox lives beyond that tree stump, identifies the faded hoof marks of a mother deer and foal. He knows the forest like a very old friend.

 

“That way is the river. Let’s go that way.”

 

“Are you going to go fishing? Uncle says he likes fishing.”

 

“No. So we can wash your face and hands. They’re a mess.”

 

“And then we’ll go fishing?”

 

“Hn… No.”

 

“I’ve actually never gone fishing.”

 

“Next time, perhaps.”

 

Soon, they hear the bubbling river. Eren rushes off ahead of Levi, breaking into a clearing. He sits himself down at the edge of the river, which is so clear, the smooth stones that sit at the bottom of the riverbed could be seen. A bit down river, a small white egret ruffles its feathers at the disturbance.

 

Eren shoves his hands into the water with no hesitation.

 

“Cold! So cold!” He squeals.

 

Levi squats down next to Eren.

 

“Idiot. Of course it is.”

 

Eren sticks his tongue out at Levi.

 

“Wash that filthy face of yours too, remember.”

 

Eren plays with the water a little, eventually splashing his face. When he finishes, gasping for air, he shakes his wet hair. Levi scoots away at that, muttering something about him acting like a dog.

 

The boy blinks away water. He finds his eyes wandering the river’s surface, eventually trailing over to the wavering reflection of Levi.

 

“Why do you wear a mask?” Eren blurts out, unable to hold the question back.

 

“If I wear this mask, I seem much less likely to be human, do I not?” Levi replies, though he far from answers Eren’s query, sounding more like he is musing aloud to himself.

 

Eren is quiet at that. He watches the image of the mask stretches and ripples with the river’s current.

 

The moment does not last long though, and then Eren is splashing water at Levi until the man grabs a stick and threatens him with it.

 

“But whyyy?” Eren refuses to let go of his unanswered question. “Could it be that your face is funny?”

 

“Say that again, and I’ll _make_ your face look funny.” Levi waves the stick in emphasis.

 

“Your hair is funny!”

 

“At least I brush my hair.”

 

“I brush my hair!” Eren whines.

 

“Doesn’t look like it.”

 

With no retort for that, Eren sticks his tongue out at Levi. The boy is grinning though, nowhere near offended. Levi’s dry humor oddly enough greatly entertains the boy.

 

“Can I come play with you tomorrow too?” Eren asks then.

 

Levi lets out a “hmm,” and Eren takes that to be a sound of confirmation.

 

“Pinky promise!” Eren sticks out his pinky.

 

Levi turns his mask at Eren. If his face could be seen, it would probably have an exasperated look. But then Eren swears he hears the lightest of snorts, muffled against the mask. Levi lightly taps Eren’s pinky with his stick.

 

Eren returns to amusing himself with the water, eventually sticking his feet in, shrieking at the coldness.

 

Levi lifts his face skyward, the mask staring up at the endless blue.

 

The snowy egret flies off, the sound of its beating wings a backdrop to Eren’s happy laughter.

 

\--

 

Levi leads Eren back to the gate like he did yesterday, but way before sunset this time around.

 

Eren runs off, waving excitedly at his new friend until he can no longer see him.

 

When he returns to Erwin’s home, the man is sitting on his porch, reading the newspaper. The front door is open, the piano melody of Ravel’s _Jeux d'eau_ filtering out softly from the living room.

 

Finally feeling tiredness from his busy day catching up to him, Eren sleepily makes his way over to Erwin. He struggles to climb up into the man’s lap, eventually getting there with a hand that boosts him up. Erwin settles the boy between himself and the newspaper.

 

“Did you have a good day today, Eren?”

 

“Un. Mm, tired,” Eren groggily answers.

 

After a second, he brings his bright green eyes to meet Erwin’s light blue ones.

 

“Uncle, are there really spirits in the forest?”

 

Erwin smiles wistfully at that. He closes his newspaper and sets it on the arm of his chair.

 

“That’s what they all say around here, since a very long time ago, Eren.”

 

“But do _you_ think there are spirits out there?”

 

Erwin’s gaze drifts out over to the road, in the direction of the forest.

 

“I used to go out to play in the forest a lot myself when I was your age,” Erwin says, voice becoming distant, his eyes glazing over as he slips away into memories. “Yes, I was young once too you know -- curious, mischievous -- We all would go out looking for spirits…”

 

“Did you ever find any?”

 

“Perhaps I did find something… Sometimes, I think I still hear whispers when it gets really windy. It’s all so long ago… but I stopped going deep into the forest when I turned seventeen. They say you stop being able to see spirits when you become a grown up.”

 

Erwin sighs. He finally notices that Eren’s breathing has become long and deep, the boy having succumbed to sleep.

 

Carefully standing so as to not rouse the boy from his slumber, Erwin stretches his legs. He stands in the door way, soaking in a little more of the sun’s warmth, before he goes to tuck the boy in for a nap.

 

“Funny how quickly time moves forward,” He mumbles to himself, a gentle smile on his face.

 

\--

 

_Eren steps off his train._

_He is seventeen this year._

 

* * *

 

_Never lasting for quite long_

_People of this world_

_are much the same*_

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * “Hojiki” (“An Account of My Hut”) by monk Kamo no Chomei. It is a Buddhist work that touches on the impermanence of life. 
> 
> A big thank you to keitorin-bocchan, dont-touch-mysammywinchester, and so many others for encouraging me to write this. I have 4 chapters written so far, and I'm expecting this to be around 10 chapters long? Let's see how this goes...
> 
> P.S. I’m ryuusea (art/writing) on tumblr.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We meet someone new.

* * *

 

 

_Eren heads straight to the forest after dropping off his belongings at his Uncle’s cottage. As always, he and Erwin exchange very few words until the elder man is waving the teenage boy off, easily noticing how Eren hops from one foot to the other in anxiousness._

   
Nothing has changed.

  
 _Even afters years have passed, Eren's eagerness to go to the forest remains undying._

_  
Erwin never asks, though he always smiles with a knowing twinkle in his blue eyes. Eren is grateful, because he honestly is not sure what he would have supplied as an answer._

 

_“You’re late,” Is all Levi says when Eren makes it to the top of the stone steps. Eren laughs at that. Levi whips around and begins walking into the forest, knowing Eren will follow him._

 

Nothing has changed.

 

_It is a funny thought, as if two years had not passed at all, but Eren smiles bitterly at that. So many summers had been spent looking up at Levi. When he was fifteen, he and Levi’s eyes were at the same level._

_Now, at seventeen, he has to look down to meet Levi’s eyes._

 

* * *

 

So it came to be that every summer, Eren would return to Erwin’s home in the countryside. He goes every day, without fail, to the forest. Eren is still the loud kid who shouts out intensely when his emotions get the best of him, but he did fight less in school (much to his mother’s relief).

 

He is eleven years old now.

 

“Mama said I don’t fight as much and my grades are better too, so I don’t have to come here in the summer anymore, but I told her that I want to!” Eren continues proudly.

 

“Hm, is that so?” Levi replies, walking slightly ahead of Eren. He balances two handmade fishing poles against his shoulder, leading the way to where they would go fishing.

 

“Yeah, I want to spend my summers with you, Levi!”

 

The man lets out a short, but audible hum that echoes off of the inside of the mask -- another habit that Eren has picked up on. It usually means Levi finds something amusing or interesting. A longer, more drawn out sigh or clicking of his tongue means he is irritated at something. Eren has learned to read these subtle sounds because there is no face to read emotions otherwise.

 

They make their way into a clearing, and Eren perks up when he hears the rushing sound of water getting closer.

 

A breeze suddenly blows out of nowhere and Eren shivers, brow furrowing at how the temperature drops for a second. The bushes and tree branches around them rustle too furiously for it to be naturally blown by the wind. Goosebumps erupt along his arms and Eren feels the hair at the back of his neck stand up.

 

“Leeeeeviiiiii…” A voice calls out in a singsong manner.

 

Levi clicks his tongue.

 

Eren shivers, scurrying to stand as close behind Levi as possible without touching him. The boy looks around fervently for the source of the voice that seems to echo all around them.

 

“Leeeeeviiiii!” The voice trembles out again.

 

Levi lets out one of those long sighs.

 

“What is it you want, you --”

 

A blur of brown shoots out from the trees, tackling into Eren. Eren shrieks and he and whatever it is that hit him tumble down, rolling into the grass with the momentum. Eren’s back hits the ground with a loud _thump_ and he feels a weight settle on top of his chest.

 

Eren blinks rapidly and finds himself staring down the nose of a dark brown fox. The fox stands upon Eren’s chest, black eyes shining brightly. Its bushy tail swishes back and forth excitedly.

 

“Levi!” Eren gasps out fearfully, startled out of his wits. He looks up pleadingly at Levi, who stands cooly with his arms crossed. The fox digs its front paws into Eren's chest, making the boy gulp.

 

“Please don’t eat me!” Eren squeaks.

 

“Hanji, get off of him before I cut off your tail,” Levi warns.

 

The fox hops off of Eren, but it still continues to stare at him. Eren curls into himself, nervous because of how… hungrily it seems to stare at him. It even seems to be grinning, its sharp white teeth glistening. And is that drool? Now that the creature has jumped off of him, Eren notices the goggles strapped around its neck. A dark brown cape is tied around the fox’s sleek body too.

 

The fox looks about ready to pounce on Eren again, when Levi reaches out and clamps his hand down on top of the fox’s head.

 

The fox does not seem to be bothered by that at all and hops about, even with its head restrained under the pressure of Levi’s hand.

 

“Levi! Levi! I heard rumors that you've been hanging around a human, but I didn’t think it would actually be true!” The fox has turned its snout up towards Levi. Eren’s eyes widen when he realizes the voice is from the fox, and it is actually the one addressing Levi.

 

“Th-th-the fox! It talks!” Eren gasps out.

 

Levi lets go of the fox’s head, but he pinches one of her pointy ears.

 

“Not an actual fox, but a fox spirit.”

 

“Levi, can I touch him?! Please, please, pleaaaase!” The fox begs.

 

“Hmph.” Levi lets go of her ear. “Do what you want.”

 

There is a sizzling pop, a blast of smoke, and Eren's eyes widen in shock for he is now staring at a human, but with a fox tail. The fox’s form is ambiguous, possibly leaning towards more female, but Eren cannot be sure. The fox-human sports a messy ponytail, and Eren is pretty sure he has only seen the girls at school with hair like that, but then his father has long hair…? He blurts out the question before he can stop himself.

 

“Are you a boy or a girl?”

 

The fox spirit laughs aloud in response -- It is a raucous laugh, uncontained and echoing in the clearing.

 

“The human categorization of male and female does not apply to us spirits. Though I guess you could classify this form of mine as a female one.”

 

Her ponytailed hair is the same dark brown as her fox form’s fur. Goggles still hang from her neck. The clothes she wears in her human form are an interesting hodgepodge of… well, everything. Is that a t-shirt under a vest under a long sleeved button up plaid shirt, under a brown cape? A scarf or some kind of gypsy-like skirt knotted at the waist? And over pants too?

 

Hanji lifts her hands up, fingers twitching. And then Eren is being attacked -- cheeks pinched, sides and stomach poked, hair sifted through and even sniffed at.

 

“Ahh, so interesting! I have yet to examine a human child this closely! The last human that wandered into my domain was older, but he had to go and get mistaken as a bear by another human and get shot… maybe because the hair on his face started growing a lot. Hey, Levi, did you know that the males of the human species have this ritual called ‘shaving?’”

 

Eren turns pleadingly to Levi, wanting to pull away from Hanji who is now feeling along his ribs.

 

Levi snorts under the mask.

 

“Don’t worry, she won’t hurt you. She’s just… quite enthusiastic about humans.”

 

“Levi, he’s adorable! Can I have him for a day or two?”

 

“No.” Levi quickly says, and Eren feels relief wash over him, especially as Hanji continues to prod at him.

 

“Please, why not?! I’ll only borrow him and I promise to bring him back in one piece...”

 

“I already said no, you shitty fox,” Levi growls. “Find your own human. Knowing you, there’s no guarantee he’ll come back in one piece too.”

 

“Fine, fine… Jeez, I come back from my travels to find you hoarding away a human child...” Hanji sighs, but she does not appear to actually be upset. She pats Eren on the head. “But this is very interesting indeed. I haven’t seen you take an interest in a human! Well, at least not since -- ouch!”

 

Levi had grabbed onto her tail. He yanks out a few hairs when he pulls away, opening his hand and letting them flutter to the ground.

 

“You had a leaf in your tail,” Levi says.

 

Eren blinks. He looks down at the tufts of hair that fallen down. He sees not a single leaf. Hanji is pouting now and smoothing down her tail.

 

“Come on, Eren. Let’s go fishing before I get any older,” Levi says, turning on his heel and continuing in the same direction they had been going, as if nothing had interrupted them.

 

“Mmkay!” Eren scrambles up and hurries after Levi.

 

“Me too! I’m coming too!” Hanji pipes up, and with a crack and puff of smoke, she is back to her fox form and skipping along after them.

 

* * *

 

The river is a familiar place, one Levi takes him them to often. It is a cool paradise in the summer heat, and Eren never gets sick of it. Today, Levi takes him to a new spot along the river, where a large rock face juts out and above the treeline. Here, the river is wider and much deeper.

 

When they finally arrive there, Levi easily hops up onto the rock face above them, throwing his fishing line in and settling in comfortably on a ledge. He rests the pole against a raised knee and eases into a relaxed sitting position.

 

Eren pouts up at him for being too far away, and Levi states, “I’m simply taking a higher vantage point to keep a lookout.”

 

“He just likes to be taller than everyone else whenever he gets the chance,” Hanji says with a snicker.

 

Levi throws a pebble and it strikes her in the middle of her forehead. Eren giggles. For once, Levi’s ire is not directed at him.

 

“Shut up, fox. I won’t warn you if I see a bear.”

 

Hanji and Eren settle themselves down too, the fox curling herself around Eren, who leans in so his back settles against her stomach. She is warm, her fur soft and smelling of earth and dry leaves, and Eren is soon lulled into a half-awake state.

 

The fox spirit is much more talkative than Levi, and Eren learns a lot about her in that one afternoon.

 

Hanji, being the curious fox that she is, has a large domain within the forest, but often leaves it to explore. She is extremely curious about the human world, sometimes even venturing into human dwellings to learn as much as she could.

 

Eren also learns more about Levi from Hanji than from the mysterious man himself.

 

“Levi feigns disinterest in the human world, but I think he actually wants to experience it in some way. Perhaps that’s why he has become attached to you,” Hanji muses aloud to Eren.

 

“Attached? I don’t know about that,” Eren mumbles. He feels a warmth spread through him at those words.

 

“Trust me, if Levi was not interested, you would have never seen him again.”

 

Eren smiles and nuzzles further into the fox’s fur, a giddy sort of embarrassment filling him. His face is warm, and he is not used to this sudden shy feeling that worms its way up his spine. He feels the need to hide his face.

 

“It was a few other spirits and myself who found him, by the way.” Hanji says. The change in her tone, now wistful, throws the drowsy Eren off a bit.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Levi. We found him, abandoned in the forest in that tiny baby form you humans have when you are first born. It’s funny how you are all bald when you’re born. Anyway, he kept crying and crying, but none of us knew how to deal with a human child. He would surely have died…  But we made a deal with the mountain god for him to live. That was many, many human life cycles ago.”

 

Then, the question that perhaps had always been deep within Eren’s heart, finally surfaces.

 

“Is Levi human?”

 

“He is… Or, he was. I’m not sure, honestly,” Hanji answers. “Centuries are nothing but a blink of time for us spirits, but Levi ages much slower than the average human being. His body has been in its current state for a very long time now.

 

“I suppose,” Hanji continues, “That it was a blessing in disguise given by the mountain god. Levi is cursed to stay on this mountain and he cannot be touched by another human, or else he will disappear.”

 

“Hey,” Levi’s gruff voice stops Hanji from rambling any further. He had hopped down from the rock face without them noticing, clutching a vine-woven net that wiggles with the fish he had caught. “Stop talking about such old, boring stories.”

 

Hanji nudges Eren with her cold, wet nose. Eren mumbles sleepily and buries his face into her stomach.

 

Levi clicks his tongue.

 

“Look at you two, so useless. Not even one fish. I already caught four and that’s more than enough for lunch. Come, let’s gather firewood and make a fire.”

 

The trio wanders back into the forest to search for enough twigs and brush to make a small fire to cook the day’s catch. Levi warns Eren to stay within sight while he sits down to clean the fish and skewer them.

 

Hanji is quick in her fox form, darting in and out of the clearing, with more branches clamped in her jaws every time. She deposits them all together in a pile next to Levi.

 

Eren plods about with his own small pile of branches, but eventually is distracted. Levi watches from the corner of his eye while Eren follows a yellow butterfly. It flits about, always out of the boy’s reach. It settles upon the lowest branch of a tree. Eren sets down his sticks and carefully climbs up, doing his best to be quiet so he does not scare the butterfly away.

 

He makes it to the first branch. The butterfly flits up to the next branch above it. Eren puffs out his cheeks in irritation, but continues his ascent. Levi snorts. Stubborn child.

 

“Hey brat, you’re not very good at this gathering firewood thing, are you?”

 

But the boy is too concentrated on climbing the tree and does not hear Levi’s jab. Eren makes it to the second branch, little body straddling it with both arms and legs. The boy grins triumphantly, for he only has to lift his arm up and stretch it just a little farther and…

 

One of Eren’s foot slips on its hold, his body tipping one way and sending him off balance. Eren’s eyes widen, his jaw dropping in an unspoken gasp when he feels the sudden emptiness beneath him and he begins to fall.

 

Levi’s gasps sharply, tosses aside fish and firewood, dashing forward before he even thinks about it.

 

 _Humans are too fragile…_ That’s all Levi’s mind screams. Eren cries just from Levi hitting him with a branch, what more with a fall from such height?

 

Eren grapples fruitlessly at empty air, now screaming.

 

“EREN!” Levi yells out.

 

Eren twists his neck, and their eyes meet in that moment. It as if everything flashes before them in a split second -- Levi lunging towards Eren, arms outstretched and ready to grab him -- 

 

“NO!” Eren yells, even louder than he had been screaming. It startles Levi for a second, but the pause is enough.

 

Eren barely registers Hanji running towards him, feels the forceful yank on his shirt’s collar, and then he is skidding down to the ground, with the fox beneath him to cushion his fall. Hanji releases his shirt from her teeth. Eren’s knees tremble from the adrenaline. He is a scraped and bruised, but otherwise no worse for wear, having just escaped a broken bone or two.

 

Levi rushes forward.

 

“Are you okay, Eren?!” He gasps out. He lifts his hands, masked face peering about to check for injuries.

 

“NO!” Eren yells again, voice almost cracking in its intensity. He shrinks into himself, clutching his trembling arms to his heaving chest. The boy feels his eyes watering. “NO! DON’T EVER TOUCH ME!”

 

And then Eren is bawling, crying the hardest Levi has ever seen, and screaming at Levi all at the same time.

 

“Levi, don’t EVER touch me! I-I-I don’t want you to disappear! Y-you need to stay with me forever!”

 

Eren feels Hanji’s nose nuzzle his cheek. She licks away his tears as they fall. Eren cries even harder, throwing his arms around her.

 

\-- 

 

Hanji curls herself around Eren, letting the poor child cry his heart out. She alone notices Levi, standing there numbly, helpless to do anything, before he finally walks away, disappearing from the clearing for a long time.

 

When Eren has significantly calmed down, Hanji nudges him to get up.

 

“Come on, why don’t you go wash your face,” She cooes.

 

Eren quietly nods and does just that, still sniffling and hiccuping here and there as he splashes water on his face. 

 

Eren finishes and returns to Hanji, pressing himself deeply into her fur again. He looks about the clearing.

 

“Where’s Levi?”

 

“He’ll be back,” Hanji reassures.

 

She lifts her head to look Eren squarely in the eyes.

 

“Hey, Eren?”

 

“Y-Yes?”

 

“Make sure to take care of Levi.”

 

“What?” Eren frowns in confusion.

 

However, Eren does not get to question her any further, for Levi returns at that moment.

 

“Fox. I’m taking Eren home.”

 

“Eh? But it’s still so early?” Eren complains, even if his eyes are so red and puffy and he is all dirty and scratched up.

 

“You need to get cleaned up and have those wounds checked.”

 

“They’re not that bad!” Eren protests.

 

The mask stares Eren down, and the boy swears he can feel Levi glaring at him through it.

 

“F-fine,” He relents with a grumble.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow anyway,” Levi whispers.

 

Eren smiles at that and gets up, thanking Hanji for staying with him. She playfully licks his cheek, making him squeal at its rough wetness.

 

“I’ll be taking him now, Hanji.”

 

A look passes between the two of them. Hanji nods, which is quite an odd sight to see: a fox bobbing its head in such a human-like gesture. With a turn of her tail, she disappears into the forest.

 

Levi picks up one of the abandoned twigs intended for the bonfire. He stretches it out to Eren, and in quiet understanding, the boy grabs the other end and they walk back together, much like the first day they met.

 

They arrive at their usual spot at the top of the stone stairway.

 

Levi hands over the uneaten fish.

 

“Take the fish home with you.” Levi orders. He then shoves his hand into his pocket, pulling something out and sticking out his fist. “And this too.”

 

Eren takes the fish, but blinks at Levi’s fist.

 

“Come here,” Levi grunts impatiently.

 

Eren steps forward. He watches as Levi looms in close, arms curving out and reaching behind the boy’s head, looping something around his neck. Levi daintily avoids any physical contact, but he makes sure it is knotted securely. Eren looks down and lifts his hand to finger a necklace of interwoven twine and vine, from which hangs a black and white feather knotted together.

 

“For me?” Eren asks.

 

“No, you idiot, I’m just putting something on you that I intend to take off and give to someone else,” Levi retorts.

 

Eren flushes, visibly very happy. He pets the soft feathers.

 

“It’s so I can find you anytime, anywhere, when you’re in the forest.”

 

Eren lifts his gaze to meet the mask’s unseeing eyes. The mask has always been intimidating, but at that moment, there is something a little more gentle about it. Eren blames the shadows playing tricks on his mind. It is a quiet moment, and Eren finds that he is hyper aware of his own breathing.

 

_I want to touch him…_

 

It is the first, and definitely not the last time, that Eren wishes so deeply that he could.

 

“I promise to protect you, Eren.” Levi firmly states.

 

For now, those words are enough of a warm caress to Eren.

 

\--

 

Erwin is surprised when Eren comes home way earlier than usual, legs bruised and scratched up and dirt smudged on his elbows. When he inquires about it, Eren mumbles something about tripping and falling. Erwin leads Eren to the kitchen, lifting him up to sit on the counter, then fetches the first-aid kit. Eren purses his lips and stifles his hiss of pain when Erwin cleans and disinfects his scraped elbows and knees.

 

“Be careful next time,” Erwin sternly warns him while placing another band-aid on the boy’s knee.

 

“Yes, Uncle.”

 

Erwin looks up and softly strokes the boy’s hair. Then, the older man notices the necklace. He breathes in sharply.

 

“Eren, where did you get that?”

 

“Hu-uh?” Eren blinks. Erwin points at the necklace. Eren blushes and fumbles for a response. His eyes turn skyward and to the right, avoiding his Uncle’s sharp blue gaze.

  
  
“I-I made it when I was in the forest earlier… Before I fell.”

 

Erwin smiles. Eren is not a good liar.

 

“Well then, let’s go cook dinner with this fish that you worked so hard to catch. As it turns out, this is one of my favorite kinds of fish,” Erwin says and straightens, offering his hand and helping Eren to stand as well.

 

As they make their way to the kitchen, Erwin smiles up at the painting above his fireplace. It depicts a bird, black all over, except for its wings that are a mix of black and white feathers.

 

Atop his fireplace, among picture frames of family and friends, a dusty jar sits with a pair of black and white feathers.

 

* * *

  

 _“You’re_ two years _late, you shitty brat.” Levi grunts. He sits down at the edge of the river, Eren joining him, sitting as close as he can without it being a danger for the both of them._

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the wonderful response, everyone ♥ 
> 
> I was busy traveling with family, so it took me longer to get around to editing this. (^^;) Tomorrow is my birthday, and then it's the last leg of our trip from there, so I wanted to get this out before I got busy again. My goal is to try and get chapters out every 1~2 weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually my favorite chapter I have written so far (about 5 out of ?). I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it, though I think it's a little shorter than the rest. Things will start taking a turn from here.

* * *

 

 

_The continuous flow of the river_

_Never stops_

_And never remains the same_

_Where the water meets_

_Bubbles form_

_Bubbles disappear_

 

* * *

 

 

_“I think I understand that poem now, Levi.”_

_“Do you now,” Levi says, his voice low. It is rhetorical, and Eren meets those gray eyes that have turned to regard him. Those eyes are piercing as they always were._

_Eren is happy they made that promise years ago, that in moments when they are alone like this, Levi removes his mask._

 

* * *

 

 

Thirteen year old Eren stands at the foot of the hill. He takes in a deep, shuddering breath. He smooths down the front of his white-collared shirt, checking for the hundredth time that it and the dark gray trousers are wrinkle free. He mentally punches himself, wondering at the nervous fluttering feeling in his stomach.

 

 _Calm down, Eren!_ He scolds himself. _This is no different from any summer!_

 

With that resolution, he pulls his shoulders back and proudly makes his way up the familiar stone stairway.

 

Levi lounges at the very top step in the company of a sparrow. His mask is turned to the sparrow and it makes Eren smile because it looks like they are engaged in conversation, and for all he knows, they could be. The sparrow chirps, then hops up and onto the nose of the mask, and Eren pauses in his steps to simply watch the scene before him. Levi slowly lifts a hand to it, and the bird alights onto one extended finger. It cocks its head back and forth, turning one beady eye and then the other at Levi. Then as if sensing another’s presence, flits away.

 

Levi finally turns his attention to Eren.

 

“Ah, you looks different today,” Levi remarks.

 

Eren brightens at this.

 

“Yeah! I’m in junior high now, so this is my new school uniform. I wanted to show you!” He exclaims.

 

Eren fidgets, fingering the hem of his shirt, eyed darting back and forth from it to Levi’s ivory mask. Honestly, it is uncomfortable in the summer heat to be wearing his uniform. He would so much rather be in his usual tank top and shorts, but he had counting down the days to show it off to Levi ever since the uniform was placed in his hands.

 

“Hmm…” Levi stands up once Eren reaches the same step as him. The masked face tilts, quietly regarding him. Eren ducks his head away further, now flicking his gaze back and forth from his sneakers to the mask. He waits with bated breath and pursed lips.

 

“It’s quite becoming on you,” Levi affirms with a nod. “You brushed your hair too, didn’t you.” His voice is flat, but Eren squirms happily at those words, knowing it is the most of a compliment one could ever get out of Levi.

 

“Yeah, well, I always brush my hair!” Eren retorts, looking away. His ears feel hot.

 

The mask suddenly looms in closer, casting a shadow over Eren’s face. The boy yelps in surprise.

 

“Wh-what is it?!”

 

“Hmph, you brat, you’ve gotten taller.”

 

“Of course I have!”

 

Eren blinks and only at Levi’s words does he notice that it is true. Levi is only a few inches taller than he is now. Before he can dwell on it any longer, Levi has turned on his heel to lead them deep into the forest.

 

“Where’re we going today?” Eren inquires, hopping from stone to stone on the path.

 

The mask turns skyward, as if contemplating, and Eren is overbrimming with curiosity. He notices they are walking in a different direction than usual. Eren wonders if there is an end to this forest, for there is never not a new place for Levi to show him. They have gone to the river multiple times to fish, a waterfall closer to the mountain for swimming… What is in store for today?

 

“It’s a bit farther of a hike,” Levi shortly replies. He tilts his head back, checking up on the boy.

 

“That’s okay,” Eren replies, now picking up leaves as he goes along.

 

Levi heaves a long sigh.

 

“Though if you keep up at that pace, we’ll never get there.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Eren rolls his eyes and sticks his tongue out at Levi. He pockets his collection of leaves, skipping up so he is side by side with Levi.

 

“It’s one of my favorite places, actually. I like sleeping there,” Levi supplies.

 

“I didn’t come all the way here just to sleep with you!” Eren retorts, scrunching up his nose and making a face at Levi.

 

And then Eren hears something he has never heard before.

 

Levi makes a gruff noise that bounces off the inside of the mask loudly. Eren blinks confusedly. He has heard Levi snort and scoff before, but this is different… Not a cough, or one of his varied sighs. It was almost like a sharp bark, and sounded like Levi had purposely cut it off short.

 

Eren’s eyes widen.

 

“Did you just… laugh?”

 

“Shut up,” Levi snaps back, but there is a hint of amusement there.

 

“You totally just laughed! I didn’t think it was possible -- but wait -- why?!”

 

“Just shut up and keep walking, kid!” Levi quickens his pace, Eren bounding after him and not shutting up and demanding to hear another laugh.

 

\--

 

Levi pushes branches aside, holding them back. He steps aside, nodding for Eren to pass him.

 

Eren shoves aside the rest of vines and low-hanging branches that block his way, stepping foot into a wide clearing that stretches at least a good couple of miles.

 

“WOW!” Eren bellows, though his usually loud voice sounds tiny in this huge open space.

 

A huge field of lavender flowers fills his entire vision, an endless sea of purple that bends with the gentle wind. It seems to go on forever -- rolling hills extending left and right and spilling into the distant horizon, painting a canvas of purple blending into a powder blue background. The sweet, gentle scent of lavender fills his entire senses, musky but comforting. He inhales deeply, drinking it all in with eyes and nose. Eren has never seen anything like this.

 

“Wow, wow…” he repeats to himself in awe. That short laugh comes from behind and Eren turns his head to Levi, happy to hear that sound again. He decides he wants to hear that laugh more from now on. The sound is rough, almost like it is rusted from lack of use, but there is a gruff warmth to it that he would love to draw out time and time again.

 

“Go on,” Levi says. He would have grabbed Levi’s hand if he could have, but he hears Levi follow after him.

 

Eren runs at full speed into the lavenders, allowing himself to fall and tumble into it. He laughs, reaching up and brushing the purple flowers. The scent explodes even stronger around him as he disturbs the flowers.

 

Levi catches up to him and stands there at Eren’s feet, watching him from above.

 

“Come on, come on, here,” Eren urges, insistently patting the ground to his left. Levi settles himself down parallel to Eren, head resting a few inches away.

 

Eren stares up at the sky, bright and blue and unmarred without a wisp of cloud in sight. Framed by the lavender flowers dancing above him, it is a beautiful sight. With the sun beating down on his face, a warm sense of peacefulness envelopes him.

 

_It would be nice to just stay here forever... With Levi._

 

The huge grin still on his face, Eren turns on his side to face said man. He starts, not expecting to see Levi’s masked face turned towards him. Levi has not spoken a word, the expressionless mask appearing to stare him down.

 

 _He was watching me?_ Eren wonders. He suddenly wishes he could know what kind of face Levi is making as he stares at him. Moreover, he really wants to know what Levi’s face _looks_ like.

 

Unmoving, unchanging, the mask stares him down. Eren is pretty sure red is starting to crawl up his cheeks. He bolts sitting upright, avoiding the inked black eyes.

 

“I-I’m gonna go pick some flowers,” Eren blurts out. He shoves himself up onto his feet.

 

“Eren?”

 

Eren furtively glances at Levi, who has propped himself up onto his elbows.

 

“I won’t go far!” Eren says, voice louder than intended.

 

“No need to yell, I’m right here. Dummy,” Levi says, that lilt of humor back in his tone.

 

Eren flushes more at that, and then he is pushing past the flowers, moving a few feet away so that Levi is at least partially hidden from view.

 

The boy finds himself hurriedly and furiously picking out long stems of lavender. Why does he suddenly feel so weird? It is just Levi. He has seen him every summer thus far. Nothing is different… Right?

 

Eren begins to absently weave the flowers together. He gnaws on his bottom lip, his mind stewing.

 

_I want to hear him laugh more._

_I don’t want to disappoint him._

  


If his mind or heart is racing more, Eren is not sure.

 

Eren makes the final knot and loop, looking down at the small circlet of lavender flowers he had made.

 

He hopes Levi will like this.

 

He had hoped Levi liked his uniform. Every time he brought snacks, he always waited until Levi bit into it, hoping he would like it. He hopes Levi likes playing with him and never gets tired of it. He hoped Levi liked--

 

He does not like these feelings. They make him feel odd and his stomach tosses and turns, and it feels even hotter than it already is in the summer heat. But it is a different weird feeling -- not like girls and cooties, or the time he accidentally called his teacher “mom” at school, or forgetting his lines for the school play.

 

“Hmmph,” Eren puffs his cheeks out. His head hurts, so he decides he will stop thinking about it.

 

Pushing himself up and being mindful of the crown of lavenders, Eren stretches. His legs protest weakly, numb from having been kneeling too long in the same position.

 

Eren makes his way back to Levi. The man was lying in the same position Eren had left him.

 

“Levi?” Eren calls softly. There is no response, not even a stir.

 

Quietly walking over, Eren kneels down next to Levi’s head.

 

“Did he fall asleep?” He mumbles aloud.

 

The breeze picks up a bit, fluttering the black hair that falls outside of the mask. Eren stares and does not breathe for a second.

 

“It’s fine if I just touch his mask… Right?”

 

Hesitantly, Eren lifts both hands. They shake with trepidation.

 

_It’s fine, right? Right? He won’t…_

 

And then Eren’s fingertips are gently pressing to the mask’s cheeks. He holds his breath and closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them again… Levi is still there, solid and whole beneath his hands. Eren presses his hands fully down on the mask now.

 

He gulps. And then Eren gingerly lifts up the mask.

 

He stops breathing again, this time not of his own will.

 

Levi’s face is all sharp lines and angles, from his pale sloping jawline to his brows, dark and delicate like brush strokes. His eyelashes are an inky black just like his hair, and they fall over closed, deep set eyes. His nose is sharp as well, small and pointed, his lips thin.

 

And then those eyelids are fluttering and lifting, and Eren feels his breath come rushing back in. Pale gray eyes stare up at him.

 

Eren shrieks at that and he is slamming the mask back down on Levi’s face. The boy falls back on his butt.

 

“Ow! Fu-- Damnit, brat! That hurt!” Levi snaps, sitting up and clutching the mask to his face in pain.

 

“S-s-sorry!” Eren stutters, lowering his head in apology. He purses his lips. His heart is racing again.

 

Suddenly, he frowns.

 

“H-hey! Don’t tell me you were pretending to be asleep!!”

 

Levi leans his elbow on his leg, then rests his chin on his hand.

 

“Did I look like a normal human being to you?” Levi asks. Eren blinks in surprise at the question, forgetting about his own query. His mind still swirls with the brief sight of Levi’s face ("Because I've never really met any humans before..." Levi trails off, but Eren does not hear it, too dumbfounded).

 

He blurts out his first thought without thinking it through.

 

“I want to see your face more!”

 

“Hmm?” Levi tilts his head.

 

“You’re not scary!” Eren says, then fumbles to continue. “I-I think… you shouldn’t wear the mask… A-at least, around me. Just, sometimes. Please?”

 

There is a beat of silence. Eren blushes, darting his eyes back and forth from Levi’s mask to a spot just over the man’s shoulder.

 

Then Levi is sighing and removing the mask himself, letting it hang from his fingertips. The man’s brows are furrowed, probably in irritation at his nose that has turned a slight red from having the mask shoved back on it.

 

Eren finds himself staring, no, more like gawking this time.

 

The mask, carved of ivory, is so white. Eren should have known that with how pale Levi’s hands are, that Levi’s face would be such a milky white as well. Yet, he is still surprised.

 

“If you keep looking like you accidentally shit your pants, your face is going to stay like that,” Levi says. Eren blinks rapidly, bringing himself back to reality. The feeling is back. It is strange to see actual lips forming words, and eyes that actually blink. Levi’s icy gray eyes give away no expression, but they are a thousand times better than the hollow black eyes of the mask.

 

“Sh-shut up!” Eren remembers the lavender crown in his hand. “A-and it’s not like this was for you, or anything!”

 

He stands and stomps over to Levi, pouting and practically throwing it on top of Levi’s head. Levi’s lifts his gaze to Eren’s. The purple flowers, against the black fringe and some stray petals falling into gray eyes like a cloudy day, make Eren’s stomach twist oddly. He wants to hide.

 

Eren yanks out a long stem of lavender next to him. He smacks Levi’s shoulder with the end of it, tossing it into the man’s lap and turns and starts running.

 

“Tag, you’re it!” He hollers over his shoulder.

 

“Oi! Brat!” Levi yells, picking up the plant that had been used to smack him and chasing after the boy.

 

Eren giggles, pushing away the feelings deep in his tummy, and blaming his warm cheeks on the sun’s heat, focuses nothing more than Levi following after him.

 

\--

 

Levi knows the sun’s daily path as well as he knows the forest, and he is leading Eren back to their usual meeting spot, saying it is an hour to sundown. Eren is secretly happy he visits in the summer, not winter, because it means longer days than nights and thus more times to play with Levi.

 

When they approach the pathway, Levi lifts his mask to cover his face again.

 

“W-wait!” Eren finds himself spluttering out before he can help it.

 

Levi tilts his head down to meet Eren’s eyes.

 

Eren flushes. That seems to be happening a lot today. He tries his best to stutter out an excuse for his outburst.

 

“Y-you said you would keep your mask off.”

 

The corner of Levi’s mouth quirks up the very slightest for a split second, and if Eren had blinked, he is pretty sure he would have missed it.

 

Levi leans down, bending slightly at the knee so he and Eren are at eye level. He does not have to lean down much at all, and Eren realizes that Levi really is right, he has grown a little taller since last summer.

 

“Yes, I said I would. But only around you, don’t you remember your own words?”

 

“Okay, but you promise?!” Eren demands. He is biting his bottom lip. Levi huffs. His breath flutters Eren’s bangs, and the boy gets a whiff of the lavender flowers still resting on Levi’s head.

 

“Yes, if it’ll get you to stop bugging me about it.”

 

“And…” Eren hesitates. Levi arches a brow at the pause, waiting. “And we’ll see each other tomorrow and the next day after that, and next summer and the one after that too, right?!”

 

Levi nods.

 

“Pinky promise!” Eren makes a fist and thrusts his pinky up, in between their faces. He realizes his error, paling. “I-I mean…”

 

Levi snorts.

 

“I can’t believe it’s been this long and you still make the mistake of saying that. Hold still. Don’t move. At all. Okay?”

 

Eren nods, all wide-eyed and curious at the sudden order.

 

Levi lifts a hand to the crown at his own head, carefully plucking out a short stem of lavender, making sure to not unwind the woven flowers entirely.

 

Delicately holding the one lavender stem between forefingers and thumbs, he loops it around Eren’s pinky, knotting it loosely enough so their hands do not make contact.

 

“It’s a promise.”

 

* * *

 

 

_...Never lasting for quite long_

_People of this world_

_are much the same._

 

_“It means things may look the same as before, but that's an illusion. Things are constantly changing, right?”_

_“Not bad. You’re not as dumb as you look, huh?”_

_“Hey!” Eren protests, but in no way hurt. “I actually like my classical literature class. And P.E. I’m in the soccer club, you know.”_

_“Hey, Eren,” Levi interrupts, “There’s another meaning. The ephemerality of life -- Because things don’t last, they’re more beautiful.”_

_Eren is silent for a minute, before he takes a shuddering breath and the words tumble out of his mouth:_

_“I’m sorry about breaking our promise.”_

 

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lavender, in the language of flowers, can mean “faithfulness,” “I will wait for you,” “Please answer me,” or “expectation.” 
> 
> Sources:  
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanakotoba  
> http://www.hanakotoba.name/archives/cat39/index.html 
> 
> It also helps with sleep, so it’s no wonder Levi likes sleeping there.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess it's been a while, but here's an update. I'm still getting back into work mode after my Hong Kong trip last week. 
> 
> This is a transition chapter that I had some trouble writing at certain points. It might not be that interesting of a chapter, but please bear with me, it’s necessary. Things are supposed to start taking a turn after this.

 

* * *

 

 

_Eren removes his socks and shoes. Levi lets out a “tch,” when Eren just tosses his socks down, making the teenage boy roll his eyes, but pick them up, and fold them neatly before placing them down again._

_Eren sighs contentedly when he sinks his feet, ankle deep into the river water. He stares at the water that curls around his leg before continuing on. The water is so clear, he can see the round smooth rocks that slip under his feet._

_“Does that make you an illusion then, Levi?”_

_Their gazes meet, and Eren notes the distant look in Levi’s stormy eyes._

 

* * *

 

 

“Eren?” Levi calls out, looking up from the basket in front of him. No response. He sighs, plucking another strawberry, brushing soil off of it. He gently tosses it atop the growing pile of freshly picked strawberries gathered in a woven wicker basket. Levi heaves himself up from where he had been crouched.

 

They had been gathering strawberries together in this clearing, and he had just noticed that the boy had gone out of sight.

 

They are in a deeper part of the forest, closer to the foot of the mountain. The foliage is thicker, trees wider and their branches reaching taller, crisscrossing into each other and shading out larger parts of the sky. At Levi’s feet, vines twist and tangle together, ruby red strawberries peeping out enticingly.

 

Levi removes his mask. He cups his hands around his mouth and yells for the boy.

 

“Hey, EREN, where the hell did you go?!”

 

“RAAGH!” Eren pops out from a large bush just to the side of Levi.

 

Levi starts (barely -- his eyes widen, and his mouth twitches a little bit), blurting out a curse and nearly tossing his mask at Eren’s face in retort. Eren is too busy falling over himself in the grass in laughter. Leaves from the bush are stuck in his hair, and now grass stains rub into his clothes as he rolls about.

 

“What the hell was that for?!” Levi demands.

 

“Finally…” Eren wheezes out between laughs, “Finally got to see your scared face!”

 

“I should never have made that promise last year to take off my mask. Ever since then you’ve been obsessed with this,” Levi grumbles.

 

“Heh,” is all Eren can gasp out after laughing so hard. He grins up at Levi, whose glare softens from those big green eyes sparkling at him.

 

“I can’t help it! I want to see if you’re capable of making other faces besides annoyed ones,” Eren taunts and sticks out his tongue.

 

“I can’t help it if I’m stuck with an annoying brat every day,” Levi retorts.

 

He is aware of Eren’s reasons for it. The boy had made it his strange goal to coax out all expressions he possibly could from Levi ever since the summer the mask came off. The boy probably thinks himself so clever for this.

 

“Now come on, get back here. And when we head back, you’re carrying the basket by yourself.”

 

“Awww!” Eren pouts. “You don’t want to hold hands with me anymore!”

 

Levi frowns in confusion, arching a brow at that.

 

“What the hell are you talking about?”

 

Eren grins widely.

 

“When we hold the basket together, it’s like we’re holding hands! Since, you know, we can’t actually.”

 

Levi stares at Eren. Eren’s toothy grin slip a bit, and the beginnings of a blush start to crawl up those cheeks. Cheeks, Levi notes, have lost almost all their baby fat now. Another beat passes, the air still between them.

 

Levi huffs, breaking the silence.

 

“Even if I could hold hands with you, who would want to touch those gross, nose shit covered hands?” Levi says, but there is a tease to the bite in his tone.

 

“I don’t have nose shit on my hands!” Eren says. “Hmmph, I was even going to show you something cool today.” Eren pulls on the shoulders straps of his small backpack he has on today. Now that Levi thinks about it, Eren rarely ever has anything with him, usually just the clothes on his back, with the occasional treat to share with Levi.

 

Levi grumbles something about useless brats who squat around like they are taking a shit but cannot, instead of helping him pick strawberries.

 

Eren lifts a hand to swipe sweat off his brow.

 

“It’s super hot today,” He whines.

 

“Such a kid. Get your lazy butt over here and help and maybe we’ll finish up faster.” Levi turns and settles into another spot with unpicked strawberries.

 

Eren walks over to join Levi, plopping down beside him. Eren happily reaches out for a cluster of four strawberries connected together. They are smaller than the ones Eren sees at the grocery store, but these are a much darker, richer red.

 

“Can we really eat them?” Eren inquires.

 

Levi snorts, “No, I just asked you to bring a basket today so we can gather them and stare at them.”

 

Eren rolls his eyes. Levi notes that this seems to be a recent thing. He is either rubbing off on the boy too much, or maybe it is a part of that teenager stage. Either way, Levi is reminded of how much time they have spent together. If one were to plot Levi’s life into a timeline, Eren’s part in it would be but a tiny dot through the decades; however, Levi cannot quite imagine his summers without the kid anymore. He adds noise (sometimes too much) to the tranquil life in the forest.

 

“They’re sweeter than usual this year,” Levi comments offhandedly, shoving away his wandering thoughts.

 

Eren beams at that, not even caring at the previous jab. Eren has a huge sweet tooth, something that Levi knows very well with all the cookies and ice cream and candies he likes to bring Levi. Levi, on the other hand, can only handle a few of those sweets. Most are too sugary for him, so used to the natural flavors of the forest.

 

The boy happily stares at the cluster of four strawberries in his hand. He reaches for two more strawberries by his knee, but he is too hasty about it and his fingers sink into the delicate red flesh of the fruit.

 

“Eren, be gentle when you pick them! Now you have nose shit and juice all over your hands!”  

 

Eren shoves the bruised fruit into his mouth, promptly squealing at the tart sweetness that explodes on his tongue.

 

“Ah! They are really sweet! These are so good.” Eren joyfully licks at the juice dribbling down his palm, then sucks his fingers clean.

 

“Ugh, gross! Don’t lick it off your hands!!”

 

“Mmmmf!” Eren continues to squeal, voice pitched in glee at how deliciously sweet they are. He has had strawberries before, but nothing this sweet. Strawberries are expensive out in the city. The ones in the city are prettier, smoother and shinier, but he would easily take the uneven, smaller ones of the forest because they are a thousand times more sweet and succulent.

 

“Hey, don’t eat them all now! And especially not before we’ve even washed them.”

 

“Bu--munch--why--mm--not?”

 

“For all you know, Hanji or some other wild animal may have taken a piss on them.”

 

Eren snickers, but does stop stuffing his face and starts contributing to his share in the basket.

 

They continue for nearly an hour, thankfully shaded by the branches and leaves above them. Light falls in speckles through the foliage, coloring the green vines and red berries with golden spots. It makes for a cool sanctuary from the summer heat.

 

Levi pauses to take a breather, leaning against a tree trunk.

 

Eren had insisted on continuing, mumbling something about, “Will pick ALL the berries!”

 

Levi bites down his amusement at that, and if Eren had been paying attention, he would have seen the smallest upturn of a smile. If there was one thing Eren was really good at, it was putting his all into doing something, no matter what it was. The kid is stubborn, focusing all his energy into one thing.

 

Another five minutes later, Eren is scampering over, grinning and showing off red-stained hands, proudly proclaiming, “Finished!!”

 

“Don’t come near me with those grimy hands of yours,” Levi says, pretending to dodge him, even if he knows the boy will never actually touch him. Eren laughs and they fall into a pretend game of tag for about a minute. But the two are actually quite tired from all the strawberry picking.

 

“Let’s go wash these,” Levi says, and though Eren is tired, the boy is looking forward to eating more, and nods without protest.

 

Thankfully, the river is fairly close by and the two plop down on the river bank, side by side. They both stick their feet in, simply letting themselves cool down and relax for a bit.

 

Then Levi sets the basket between them and they start washing the strawberries. Well, more like Levi washing them and Eren eating half of them.

 

“You’re really useless, aren’t you,” Levi grumps, but Eren does nothing but open his mouth wide in a silent request for a strawberry. The older man relents and tosses a small one he had just finishing washing into the waiting mouth.

 

“Your fault,” Eren retorts, “I just can’t seem to clean them to your standards.”

 

“Clearly, a city dog like yourself is useless and can’t even do a simple task of cleaning,” Levi taunts back.

 

“Hmph, well I bet you don’t have something like this in the mountains!” Eren snoots, shrugging off his backpack and digging into it. He pulls out a bright red, shiny, rectangular object.

 

Levi eyes the object. What’s so interesting about this shiny box? Eren flips it open, thumbing a switch and it bleeps on.

 

“It’s a 3DS,” Eren informs, proud and leaning into Levi to show him the dual screens that light up and flash with animation.

 

“Three Dee Ess?” Levi echoes, “What’s it for? How are the pictures moving?”

 

“You play games on it! You buy different games and you play it on this. Everyone in my class has one and sometimes we play together,” Eren chatters on.

 

The boy starts up his previous game, and Levi is leaning in closer, intently watching Eren mashing the buttons and the figures shooting across the screen.

 

“What the hell, why are those… things naked? And why don’t they have…”

 

Eren bursts out laughing at that, kicking his legs and sending river water splashing.

 

“They’re titans and they eat people, so you have to stop them by killing them. Look, you aim for their neck, that’s their weak point, and --” An intense smashing of buttons again, and some swooshing and slicing sounds later, there is a roar, and the… thing falls, “-- it’s dead.”

 

Levi pulls away, feeling like he had gone cross-eyed and attempts to blink it away. His eyes feel tired already, and he had only been staring at it for a minute.

 

“Here, I’ll let you try!” Eren holds out the device, fingertips on the edge of it, giving Levi more than ample room to grab it.

 

The older man is not particularly interested in trying it, but he takes it anyway.

 

“Levi! You’re holding it upside down!”

 

“Shut up, how would I know?!”

 

“You’re such a noob!”

 

“What’d you call me, brat?!” Levi snaps back. “What the hell is a noob anyway,” He mumbles under his breath, turning the 3DS in his hands and pressed one of two circular buttons. His character hops up into the air for a second, before uselessly plopping back down.

 

“‘Noob’ -- A noun,” A gleeful, female voice pipes up out of nowhere.

 

Hanji nimbly skips into the clearing, hopping over to crouch next to Levi. Her tail twitches excitedly, thumping the ground. Her eyes twinkle as she eyes the gaming device.

 

“A person who is new or inexperienced in a subject, usually some kind of game. In other words, you suck,” Hanji cackles.

 

“Shut up,” Levi retorts, eyes still focused on the 3DS screen. He randomly presses buttons, testing what each one does. He frowns when one of the giant naked monsters flails an arm and smacks his character down to the ground.

 

Eren laughs, greeting Hanji and asking how she knows these things. Levi shoves the fox’s nose aside when she attempts to stick her nose into the basket of strawberries.

 

“And keep your hairy muzzle out of there.” Levi growls. He lets out a grunt of frustration when the titan pummels him to the ground from midair. Levi presses the button he was pretty sure would make his character move out of the way, but all it does it make it jump up, before plopping back down, right into the monster’s flailing projectory again. Fed up, Levi shoves the 3DS back in Eren’s direction.

 

“Take it back, I don’t want to see this thing anymore.”

 

“You’re just mad you suck,” Eren chuckles. He takes the 3DS back, and when Hanji scampers over to him, all bright eyed and practically salivating, Eren hands it over to her before she even asks. She changes to her human form with a quick pop and puff of smoke. The forest is soon full of her cackles and enthused shrieks.

 

“So noisy,” Levi mutters, though his tone shows he is not annoyed. Levi picks up a strawberry from the basket. They glisten from just being washed and look even more mouth watering. Eren watches how Levi carefully plucks out the green leaves from the top of the fruit, pulling gently so they all come out together. Everything Levi does is done so thoroughly and efficiently.

 

“You should take whatever is left of the strawberries back home with you,” Levi says, turning to meet Eren’s eyes.

 

Eren blinks at the eye contact, sometimes still not used to those piercing silvery eyes.

 

“Huh? But there’s so many of them!”

 

“I’m sure you’ll find a use for them,” Levi responds. He snorts. “And I’m sure you’ll have no problem eating them all anyway. Your stomach is a black hole, brat.”

 

“You know, soon you won’t be able to call me a brat. What about when I start high school?”

 

“Still a brat.”

 

“Even when I’m twice as a tall as you are?” Eren jokes.

 

The corners of Levi’s eyes crinkle. He is amused. Eren bites his lip to contain his ear-splitting grin at that.

 

“What are you, one of these fucking giants inside that 3DS? Even so, you’ll never stop being a shitty brat.”

 

\--

 

All the strawberry gathering and eating made for one drowsy brat, and Levi had insisted Eren go home. Full of yawns and reluctance, the boy headed home earlier than usual, not more than two hours after the sun had reached its zenith.

 

When he presents the brimming basket of strawberries to Erwin, his uncle regards it with a fond smile.

 

“I suppose we could make jam. Or pie,” Erwin suggests.

 

“Pie! Pie!” Eren immediately bursts out.

 

Erwin chortles at that.

 

“Alright, alright. Go get cleaned up and we can make the pie so we can have it for dessert tonight,” Erwin waves the dirt-covered boy away to the bathroom.

 

Eren, despite his tiredness, hurries to the washroom, already yanking off his shirt as he scurries down the hallway.

 

He showers quickly, but thoroughly, scrubbing off all the day’s dirt. He hurries back to the kitchen, hair toweled so roughly and hastily that it is still very damp, matting to his forehead and sticking up in the back.

 

Erwin shakes his head at the sight of Eren’s ruffled up hair.

 

“Go put on an apron,” Erwin says, already in one. It’s an unexpectedly cute sight -- a large, fully grown man, in a light yellow apron.

 

Eren spots the dark green apron folded atop the counter and reaches for it. He unfurls it out to its full length. When he drapes it on his neck, the front end skims the kitchen’s tiled floor, for it is Erwin-sized. From the front, it looks like a full length dress on Eren. Eren ties it in the back, adjusting it so it does not drag on the floor as much.

 

Sidling up to Erwin, he watches his Uncle knead out the pie crust dough with flour dusted hands, flattening it out with a rolling pin. Erwin pauses to pull out a knife from a drawer and a wooden chopping board from a shelf.

 

“Could you chop up the strawberries for me, Eren?” Erwin requests.

 

Eren nods and gets to work. He is not very used to chopping things, usually just watching his mother when she cooks. She always said something about not wanting him to handle knives for risk of hurting himself, even when he became older and more capable like he is now. He is slow and deliberate with his cutting, brows knitted together in concentration. The first few strawberries look like they were ripped apart more than cut with a knife, but after a while, he gets the feel of it and cuts fairly evenly sized chunks.

 

He gets into a rhythm of cutting, and he and Erwin fall into a quiet peace. Eren wonders if Levi has ever had strawberry pie and if he would like it. Levi appears to be fond of strawberries, having eaten a decent amount himself earlier. Eren decides he will bring some with him to the forest tomorrow. He will bring some for Hanji too. Maybe they could even have a picnic. Eren smiles to himself and sighs contentedly.

 

Erwin looks up at the soft sound.

 

“Something the matter?”

 

Eren shakes his head rapidly.

 

“No, not at all! Sometimes… I wish I could stay here forever,” Eren trails off.

 

“Surely you don’t want to be like me, growing old in a boring old place like this,” Erwin smiles down at Eren. He tests the thickness of the dough, deems it to be decent, and sets aside the rolling pin.

 

“You’re not old,” Eren insists. He looks up at Erwin, who is now pressing the pie crust into the pie pan. Erwin’s fingers are quick and light about it, moving with a practiced ease. Eren wonders if Erwin bakes pies a lot. He lets his eyes wander up to Erwin’s face. There are the faintest of creases at the corner of his eyes, possibly one of the few indicators of his uncle’s age.

 

The image of Levi’s face flashes through Eren’s eyes at that moment -- Levi, with his forever youthful face, appearing stuck somewhere in his early thirties. He thinks about himself, and how he has grown year by year. He and Levi practically stand at the same height now. It is kind of a nice feeling, but Eren frowns when he thinks that one day, what if he gets too big and Levi does not want to play with him anymore?

 

“I don’t want to become a grown up either,” Eren adds.

 

Erwin hums at that in surprise and replies, “That’s interesting, most kids your age can’t wait to grow up.”

 

Eren sets down the knife. He looks out the kitchen window. It is a bright out and he can see the green covered mountains against the backdrop of the blue sky.

 

A distant memory of Erwin’s voice echoes in his mind.

 

_I stopped going to the forest when I was seventeen._

 

“I don’t ever want to grow up. I don’t ever…”

 

_They say you stop being able to see spirits when you become an adult._

 

Eren swallows. Though it is summer, an oddly cold sensation sends a rush of goosebumps up his arms. His back stiffens.

 

“U-Uncle?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“When is it… that people become adults?” Eren meekly inquires. Erwin himself stops everything he is doing right then, finding the boy’s sudden subdued tone odd.

 

“Well, according to the law, we’re all adults at twenty… But I honestly think it depends on the person.”

 

“Y-You think so?” Eren’s voice rises, a hint of hope in it.

 

Erwin nods firmly.

 

“Some people mature faster, some slower than others. And then there are people who are forced to grow up sooner than they should have.”

 

Eren turns pensive at that. Erwin assuages his fear, but only the tiniest bit.

 

 _Forced to?_ Eren ponders those words. The question rises within him, burning and needing to be asked. He glances up at Erwin, whose hands are still. There is a distant look in the blonde man’s eyes.

 

“Um, Uncle?”

 

Erwin blinks, his blue eyes clearing. He says nothing but smiles down encouragingly at the Eren, waiting for him to continue.

 

“What is it that makes a person an adult?” Eren asks.

 

“There are many different answers to that, Eren. However, I believe becoming an adult means sacrifice.”

 

“Sacrifice? What do you mean by that?” Eren tilts his head.

 

“When we’re children, we’re selfish. You want, you take, but then you grow up and you meet people. You grow to care about others more. Then you might meet people who you care about even more than yourself…”

 

The cloudy, distant look has returned to those sky blue eyes.

 

“Uncle?” Eren prods again, though gently.

 

“‘Someone who can’t sacrifice anything, can’t ever change.’” Erwin continues as if uninterrupted, “I think we all reach a point in our lives where we have to make a decision -- to sacrifice something or not. Whatever choice we end up making, from then on we are never quite the same.”

 

Eren feels the question spilling forth from his lips before he could totally process it in his head. It comes out under his breath, hushed and hesitant.

 

“And what was yours, Uncle?”

 

“I left home and joined the army. I was seventeen at the time.”

 

_I stopped going to the forest when I was seventeen._

 

Those words reverberate even louder in Eren’s head.

 

Erwin suddenly claps his hands, dusting off flour, snapping Eren out of his darkly swirling thoughts.

 

“But enough of this for now. How are those strawberries?”

 

“All finished! Oh, and they’re really sweet,” Eren lifts up a piece, offering it up. Erwin leans down and Eren pops it into his uncle’s mouth.

 

Erwin leans back up and lets out a pleased noise.

 

“You’re right, they’re very sweet this year. Probably because it’s even hotter this summer. This means we might have a really cold winter this year, though.”

 

Eren jerks his head up at this.

 

“Does it snow here? Do you think L--” Eren cuts himself off. “I-I mean, do you get cold?”

 

“Ah, it snows a lot here. Everything is white and it’s really beautiful. Of course, it’s cold when you’re outside…”

 

The rest of Erwin’s words go unheard. Eren stares at the forest through the window. Why did he never think about this before?

 

\--

 

The next morning, Eren packs up slices of strawberry pie into tupperware. He pleads with Erwin to slice them for him, since he is too scared he will do it too messily. Erwin cuts up the pie into very neat triangles. He gives the prettiest slices to Eren, who carefully arranges them in the plastic containers. Erwin has to hold back a laugh at how deeply in concentration the boy goes about it, tongue sticking out between his teeth, brows furrowed intently.

 

And then Eren is dashing out to the front door, shoving his feet into his shoes along the way on the porch. Erwin has to shove a picnic blanket and paper plates and utensils at him lest he forget. Though the boy is hasty in his movements, the packed away pie is held so tightly in his small hands, clutched against his chest.

 

When he arrives at the gate, panting from having run the whole way, he is pleased to see both Levi and Hanji waiting for him. Eren joins them at the very top of the stairs. Hanji stands up on her hind legs, nose twitching in anticipation as she eyes the tupperware. The fox tilts her head, beady eyes inspecting the plastic box and its contents.

 

“PIE PIE PIE! IT’S PIE!” She crows, and the she is running around Eren and Levi in circles, in between their legs.

 

Eren cracks up laughing, doing his best to not drop the tupperware while her furry body keeps bumping into his legs.

 

“You mangy furball, quit it!” Levi snaps.

 

“Pie, pie!” Hanji continues to pant out, and Eren wonders at that second if she is not a fox, but actually a dog.

 

Levi huffs, “Well, she won’t shut her trap until she gets some pie, so let’s just eat here.”

 

He lifts up his mask, letting it rest on the top of his head. Leaning down, he sweeps away fallen leaves from the mossy stone step before sitting down cross legged.

 

Eren sits down on the step just below, using the one above as a makeshift table. He opens the box, and Levi has to grab onto Hanji, holding her back from shoving her inquisitive nose into the pie.

 

Eren finds himself very aware of how Levi’s eyes follow his every movement, and the boy is extra careful as he lays out the picnic blanket and neatly arranges the pies and plastic forks out for them.

 

Hanji is the first to dig in, crooning her joy between bites. Crumbs fly from her mouth, some sticking to her whiskers. Levi shifts away from her with a “tch,” avoiding the bits of food. Eren waits with baited breath, waiting for Levi to take his first bite. Levi digs his fork into the pie, cutting out a perfect, bite-sized chunk and eating it carefully. Eren breathes in sharply, pursing his lips when Levi closes his eyes, savoring the first bite in his mouth. When the man swallows and opens his eyes again, though he does not smile, there is a gentler light to his usually piercing gray eyes.

 

“It’s good,” Levi breathes out.

 

Eren grins from ear to ear at that, and he finally tucks into his own pie.

 

Halfway through his pie, he asks, “Levi, have you had pie before?”

 

Levi, only a quarter through his pie, sets down his fork.

 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” He scolds first, then continues, “Yes, though it’s been a very, very long time.”

 

“Oh, like Hanji brought you some from when she goes out?”

 

Levi shakes his head. Hanji, who had finished her pie long ago, is laying down in content. Her eyes meet Levi’s for a second, and she reconfirms the answer with a bob of her head.

 

“She would eat it all herself anyway,” Levi snorts.

 

Eren chuckles. “What’s your favorite kind of pie?”

 

Levi tilts his head, and his eyes wander aside, slipping away briefly into memory.

 

“Strawberry, actually,” Levi mumbles out.

 

For some reason, this response sends warmth rushing up Eren’s face. He is so inexplicably happy at that, and he has to fight down the urge to fidget. He still ends up squirming a bit, which makes Levi return his attention back to him, arching his brow.

 

Eren hides his embarrassment by returning his attention back to his pie, quickly eating and it crumbles in his haste. A large strawberry chunk falls out, practically almost whole. How did he miss chopping that one? It glistens enticingly. He stabs his fork into it, and brings it up to his mouth, but about halfway, he pauses, sitting for a second with his mouth gaping widely. A thought passes through his head.

 

And then he is turning the fork away from his own mouth, shyly offering it to Levi.

 

Levi, who had been about to stab his fork into the pie for another bite, lifts his gaze to the strawberry, then his eyes flick to Eren. Eren licks his lips, mind screaming at him in a foreign feeling of nervousness. The boy begins to lower his hand, to drop the strawberry onto Levi’s plate.

 

He squeaks in surprise when Levi dips his head down suddenly, snatching up the strawberry in his mouth. The man chews it quickly, humming at its sweetness.  

 

Levi stares at Eren, and Eren buries his hot face in his hands, dropping his fork.

 

Hanji bursts out cackling, and Eren is reminded she is there too, having forgotten her presence in that moment.

 

Levi continues to stare blatantly, finishing off the strawberry.

 

“What’s wrong with you? Your face is the same color as the strawberries.”

 

 

* * *

 

_“I’m here, aren’t I?” Levi finally responds after what feels like an eternity._

_And Eren’s lips part at that. His hand twitches, wishing to feel the weight and reality of Levi, who is sitting next to him -- So close he can feel the warm breath of the other every time he speaks._

_But then Levi is tilting his head. There is the rare upturning of his lips, but only in the slightest. It is only ever in the slightest._

_“Or are you implying that I’m beautiful?” Levi teases._

_Eren’s face burns red at that. He eases a little away from Levi, realizing just how close they had been sitting._

_“Anyway, isn’t it too hot to be wearing that?” Eren says, swiftly changing the subject. He points to the large, forest green scarf turned shawl that is draped over Levi’s shoulders._

  
_“Though you gave it to me that one winter, it has its use in summer sometimes too,” Levi says, lifting up the ends of the scarf to partially pull it over his head, shading his eyes. As an afterthought, he quips, “I guess you can be useful sometimes.”_

 

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friend let me try the Shingeki no Kyojin: Jinrui Saigo no Tsubasa game on his 3DS, which is what I'm referencing that Eren is playing in this chapter. I’m not good with games, but I was really curious about it. When I asked my fried what he thought about, he said, “I don’t think it’s worth buying.” The graphics are only okay, and he’s said it’s not much fun unless there’s someone to play it together with (because you can team up and take down titans together).
> 
> Stealing Armin’s quote and put in Erwin’s mouth. Sorry Armin, bb ( ;3;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Way earlier update than usual! I had a sudden burst of inspiration again. Thought I should post it now since I will be busy towards the end of this week. I have a job interview this Friday! Wish me luck?

* * *

 

_Eren does not like how the cloth hides Levi’s face from him. He lifts his arm, moving it slowly, wanting to make sure he does not surprise Levi._

_He lets the very tips of his fingers clasp the edge of the scarf, lifting it from Levi’s eyes._

_Levi slides his gaze up to Eren. His cool, silvery eyes are questioning, asking without words._

 

* * *

 

“What’s that?” Levi inquires, rolling over to mirror Eren who is lying down on his stomach, propped up by his elbows. Papers are spread out in front of Eren, covered in numbers and symbols and strange squiggles that appear to frustrate the teenager, indicated by how his eyebrows have been knitted together.

 

“It’s Calculus. Mr. Pixis assigned us a crap ton of homework over the summer holidays because high school entrance exams will be coming up. I hate math,” Eren grumbles.

 

“Not that. That,” Levi says. He points to the device just to the left of Eren’s hand, resting atop one of the worksheets and crinkling it.

 

Levi has noticed things.

 

How Eren has traded in that tacky, shiny red 3DS from before for some other device that is flatter and sleeker, its simple black design glistening in the bright summer sun. The thin, rectangular object lights up from time to time, things popping up on the screen. Eren checks it a lot. And Levi thought Eren had paid his 3DS a lot of attention.

 

“Oh, it’s a phone. A smart phone.” Eren pushes it closer to him, drags his right index finger across the screen, and Levi watches the black screen comes to life, colorful boxes springing up. This distracts Levi from wondering and inquiring if there are “stupid phones” if there are “smart” versions of these things.

 

“With this I can talk to my friends anytime, anywhere.” Eren drops down the pencil that had spent more time twirling between his fingers than actually writing anything, and picks up the phone with both hands.

 

Levi looks on as Eren pushes one of the colorful squares and it grows into another screen that contains alternating bubbles filled with text. Another box pops up from the bottom of the screen, containing letters that are all randomly lined up together and Levi is wondering what the hell “QWERTYUIOP” is, like is that even a language, but then Eren is punching the letters with both thumbs. Levi’s eyes widen in intrigue as words start forming across the screen. Then Eren hits a larger button and the words pop up together into their own bubble to join the ones floating above it.

 

“It’s called text messaging. My friends have their own smart phone too. There are different kinds, like some friends have ones that look like mine, others don’t. Anyway, once I send this, their phone receives it and they can read what I wrote.”

 

“Hmm,” Levi hums out, impressed.

 

He has no idea how it works, like how do the words get across space and to a whole other area, but it is something amazing. He could just imagine Hanji drooling a whole pond over this. In fact, he would not be surprised if she already knew of these devices called smart phones.

 

“Oh. Can you read?” Eren asks.

 

Levi snorts. Is Eren really asking him that?

 

“I’ve lived ten times longer than you have. You don’t think I haven’t had ample enough time to learn how to read?”

 

_Levi had learned how to read thanks to Hanji. In the few times he had braved entering her cluttered mess of a cave (Hanji collects everything she comes across on her outings into human civilization, and he means_ everything _), one of the things that had piqued his interest the most was the books she picked up. Some had large text with colorful pictures, others with tinier lines of text from the beginning to end with no accompanying pictures._

_Hanji had taught him how to read the symbols that represented the sounds of the words that came from their mouths. He copied the symbols into dirt with sticks until they stuck in his head. There were many words he did not understand (those things called “skyscrapers,” how many times taller than trees are they, and can they really scrape the sky?), but some books flowed with more detail, and the picture books helped too, to paint this other world that Eren exists in and Levi had never stepped into._

_His favorite had been a poetry collection book. Levi enjoyed the power of words in this book -- sparse, but able to conjure such vivid pictures in his mind. The poetry tended to have a focus on nature, so he related to it very well._

 

“O-Oh,” Eren says, and his voice pulls Levi back from the memory. Eren appears embarrassed, and now failing to hide how he is trying to tilt the screen away from Levi so he cannot read it.

 

“What? What is it?” Levi says, amused at the sheepish pink look on Eren’s face. He leans over, but then Eren shifts and shoves the phone under his body, firmly pressing his back down into the grass to block it from Levi. There is no way Levi could get the phone without any physical contact. Levi refrains from commenting on Eren playing dirty, forced to focus on not falling on top of the boy.

 

Levi catches himself from rolling forward and into Eren’s chest, his hand falling over the opposite side of the blushing boy. The elder’s arm is curved, keeping a wide berth between his arms and Eren’s own that are pressing down so hard into the prickly green grass. Levi does not quite remember when Eren ended up on his back and him hovering above him.

 

Below him, Eren looks panicked. His vibrant green eyes are wavering around nervously, shoulders trembling. The redness on his cheeks is only darkening as he stares up at Levi, pursing his lips and abating his breath.

 

Levi looks away first, pulling his arm away and withdrawing. This breaks the tension and he feels Eren's sudden forced exhale. The hot breath fans across Levi’s face before he completely moves away.

 

Eren, breathing once again, flips back onto his stomach, grabs his pencil and focuses on staring straight down at his homework. He is staring so hard at it, deliberately avoiding any eye contact with him, that Levi wonders if Eren’s eyes are going to burn a hole into the paper with their intensity. When Eren does not visibly relax, Levi turns over with a sigh, lying down on his side and facing away from him. He closes his eye, gives the boy his space, waiting and listening until he hears Eren’s pencil start scratching across paper.

 

\--

 

Levi awakens suddenly at a snapping sound. His eyes open to see Eren facing him, also lying on his side. Eren is clutching the smartphone in front of him, pointing it at Levi’s face. Eren’s eyes widen comically when he realizes Levi has awakened and then he is cursing to himself and there is that blush again.

 

Levi has always been a light sleeper and does not recall rolling over, so Eren must have moved to be in front of him. Eren is practically frozen on the spot glaring at the phone and Levi seizes that split second, nabbing the phone by grabbing it from the very top, where Eren’s hands are nowhere near, as he had been stiffly clutching the bottom of it.

 

And Levi is pretty sure he has never heard Eren howl like that before, protesting in embarrassment, “ _Oh my god_ , no, Levi, give it back, don’t look!!”

 

Levi finds himself staring at a picture of his own sleeping face, captured on that screen. Eren is whining, his hands hovering near Levi’s own, but not daring to take the risk of grabbing it.

 

“This thing can take pictures too?” Levi ponders aloud.

 

“ _This isn’t what yo_ \--Wha-whaa?” Eren stumbles out. He stares, slack-jawed at Levi.

 

“What?” Levi says, arching a brow at the idiotic look on Eren’s face.

 

“N-Nothing. Just… of all things to ask… I mean,” The boy rubs the back of his head, messing up the chocolate brown hair at his nape. “You-You’re not… it’s not weird…?”

 

Levi snorts.

 

“Please talk to me only when you can speak coherently.”

 

“Okay! Yes! It does take pictures!” Eren yells, completely red.

 

“Hmmm, I thought only cameras did that. Hanji had one of those once. It made a sound similar to what this did, but hers also had a flash of light.” _Like a little burst of lightning_ , Levi had thought, when he first saw it.

 

“Um, well, phones also have cameras in them now too.”

 

Levi frowns at that, wondering how one of those big things could be in this tiny thing. He turns the phone over in his hand, and then he does not know when Eren grabbed a stick, but a stick is there and knocking the phone out of his hand and back into its true owner’s hands.

 

Eren is mumbling furiously to himself, fingers flying across the screen, leaving Levi wondering what he is doing and what is going to happen to that picture.

 

“L-Like I said, it’s in the phone and h-here, why don’t I show you how it works?” Eren flops himself down next to Levi, a little too forcefully (he sees the slight wince when that left shoulder _thumps_ into earth). Levi knows when Eren is flustered and trying to change the subject, and it could not be more blaringly obvious now.

 

Eren shuffles as close to Levi as he can, and then he is lifting his arm up, the one that is farthest from Levi. Levi watches how Eren, holding the phone above them, flicks about the screen with one dexterous thumb on the same hand. The screen shows the sky above them first, and then Eren pushes a symbol with arrows and the screen flips, showing their own faces,

 

“Hoh…” Levi says, unable to hold back the little sound of surprise.

 

“See, like this…” Eren moves his arm about until both their faces fit on the screen, haloed by the long green grass around their heads. Their heads down to their upper torsos are within the screen.

 

“Lemme focus,” Eren mutters and touches the screen again, and Levi blinks, watching their faces blur once, twice, then finally focuses on their faces in sharp quality.

 

“On three, I’ll take a picture, okay?” Eren says.

 

Levi nods.

 

Eren clicks his tongue.

 

“Don’t move! And don’t blink,” Eren warns, his voice taking on a bossy tone.

 

Levi rolls his eyes, but holds still.

 

“One, two, three!”

 

There is a snap, and then the photo is captured on the screen. Eren pulls the phone closer back to them, allowing them both to examine it.

 

Levi notes in the photo their bodies slightly tilted towards each other, the fading pink on Eren’s cheeks, and how they both look lighter than they normally do because of the sunlight pouring down on them. Both of them are not smiling, their faces staring back at them. Though neither of them are smiling, it is not like they look unhappy, but… The peaceful concentration of the moment, complemented by how comfortable they look to be in such proximity... There is an open look in both their eyes, Levi’s alit with veiled curiosity, Eren’s with his focus on taking the picture. Levi quietly concludes he quite likes this picture of them.

 

“I...I like this. A lot, actually,” Eren says. His voice is soft and it makes Levi drag his eyes up to examine Eren’s face. They find themselves face to face again, but it is nowhere near as tense as only a couple hours ago, when Levi had been hovering over Eren.

 

It is a tranquil moment, their breaths lightly mixing together.

 

Levi searches Eren’s face. There are many things that are the same, but also different about Eren. Those eyes are still large and expressive as ever. His skin is still a sun-kissed tan, always darker than Levi’s own. Hair still a shaggy brown mess.

 

Eren is still talkative, with tendencies to ramble, but he does not babble _nearly_ as much as when he was younger. It has made Levi more aware of the calm moments between them like this, even though they are few and far in between. He has never had such comfortable moments of silence with anyone else, not even Hanji, whom he had known the longest.

 

A chiming alert from the phone interrupts the moment, and the attention of Eren’s bright green eyes are brought back to it.

 

“Crap, it’s already past three?” Eren groans. “I’ve barely finished one worksheet!”

 

Levi sits up while Eren rolls over twice, grumping about homework. And then Levi remembers some things do not change because Eren starts whining. Same noisy kid as ever.

 

“Ugh! And I have to finish this today because it’s the last day of summer vacation here…” Eren continues to bemoan.

 

The last day of summer vacation meant Eren would be going back to school in a few days. The long distance to the countryside took about half a day’s travel by train, so Eren had told Levi.

 

Levi remembers when Eren attempted to explain trains to him.

 

_“Trains? They’re like… big giant boxes on wheels that ship people to wherever they want to go. You’ve seen cars, right? They’re like really, really long cars.”_

_“Who’s driving?”_

_“I dunno. Whoever’s the train driver.”_

_“Why would you take a ride with someone you don’t even know?”_

_“Never mind…”_

 

Because it took half the day, Eren would return home three to four days before school started again in order to prepare for the new semester. His mother, of course, also insisted on spending at least some time during the summer holiday with her only son.

 

“Why did you leave off doing homework until the last minute if you had this much?” Levi asks. Logically, Eren should have started it earlier, right?

 

Eren turns to glare at Levi.

 

“Wow, stop, you sound just like my mom,” Eren protests.

 

Levi snorts. When the boy gets back to working on his homework, Levi slips his mask back on, allowing it to shade his face, deciding to return to his nap and let the boy do his assignments.

 

\--

 

Eren wakes up Levi two hours later by swatting his arm with his worksheets, which are now much crinkled from abuse.

 

“I’m done,” is all Eren says when Levi opens his eyes. Eren looks a bit ragged mentally, his eyes tired, but he also looks relieved to finally have it all out of the way.

 

“Hmmrgh,” Levi grunts. He has never been the most agreeable person when waking, even just from a nap. Eren is silent, and Levi grumbles something he is pretty sure is not words, but gets up and starts to stretch, closing his eyes while cracking his neck and arching his back. Though his eyes are closed, he has that feeling of being stared at. When he cracks open an eye, sure enough Eren is staring at him. However, as soon as he is caught, the teenage boy is darting his eyes down to the ground.

 

“I guess I should get going then,” Eren mumbles. He stands and Levi follows suit, still stretching and now rolling his shoulders.

 

“Um, hey, do you still have it?”

 

Levi furrows his brows, not knowing what Eren is referencing.

 

“Have what?”

 

“Th-the scarf! That I gave you last year.”

 

“Ah. Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I? Actually, I washed it this morning. It should be dry by now,” Levi answers. Eren had good timing, reminding him. He should go fetch it from where he had left it hanging by the river.

 

Eren turns in the direction of the river, Levi joining him so they are walking side by side. Enough summers have passed that Eren has at least memorized some things about the forest, like the general areas where the rivers run through. Levi still leads the way most of the time, like out of the forest, but there are instances like this where they walk side by side.

 

Levi finds his scarf right where he left it, hanging from a tree a few feet away from the river for safe measure. It had shifted only a tiny bit from a breeze (Levi is glad it had not fallen, otherwise he would have needed to wash it again).

 

Approaching it so he is standing under one of the ends, Levi lifts one hand to bring the edge to his nose. He sniffs it, and it has that newly washed scent that relaxes him, with lingering notes of pine leaves.

 

It is a long, extra large green scarf, darker than Eren’s eyes. It is a rich, forest green color, appearing nearly black when the light is low. Eren had given it to him on the last day of summer exactly one year ago.

 

_Eren had his backpack on today, and Levi was surprised the 3DS did not make its appearance again._

_When their usual day of fun ended and brought them back to the stone steps under the archway, Eren finally shrugged off his backpack. He swiftly pulled something out, wrapped neatly in all white. Eren whipped around, hiding the object behind his back, pursing his lips and roses rising on his puffed out cheeks._

_“I-I got this for you!” Eren blurted out. “S’why I said I would be late today.”_

_Levi blinked in surprise when Eren brought the wrapped up object in front of him with outstretched arms. The boy was chewing his bottom lip, toeing the dirt with one foot._

_Levi reached out and delicately took the object into his arms. He was surprised at its lightness and how it folded and gave in under his touch. The white, tissue-like paper rustled softly under his touch. He turned it over in his hands._

_“Open it!” Eren said, looking like he would burst from all his nervous energy._

_Levi then noticed where the white paper ended, folded over and neatly sealed with a piece of clear tape. He carefully peeled the tape and lifted the end with one hand, turning it over and over and letting the white paper unfold until a soft, dark green cloth unfurled into his arms. The material was very soft, slipping over his hands and fluttering against his wrists in a way that made Levi hum in approval._

_“D-Do you like it?”_

_“What is it?” Levi asked. He continued to finger the cloth._

_“It’s a scarf! I heard it snows here, a-and my Uncle said that it’s gonna be colder this year!” Eren’s voice grew quieter as he continued, reddening even more, “So I thought… I wanted to get you something… Make sure you’re not as cold.”_

_The cold never bothered Levi much, having adjusted to it after so many years. Hanji provided extra layers of clothing she found in the human world (“I found something in your size! I think it’s for kids, actually--Ouch, I’m kidding, okay!!”). He knows what scarfs are because he has seen Hanji wear one before. She owns a checkered one and Levi recalled how she wrapped it around and around her neck until only a short part of it remained hanging loose. Levi began to wrap the scarf around his own neck._

_Levi found he enjoyed the whisper of the cloth as it moved. It was a larger scarf than Hanji’s, and it was wide enough to amply cover his neck and shoulders._

_“It’s nice,” Levi mumbled, dipping his head and burying his nose briefly into the cloth (He sniffed -- He will need to wash this, for there is a foreign smell to it he cannot define)._

_“Thank you.”_

_Summer nights were still very warm, and Levi felt sweat starting to bead on the back of his neck. He unwrapped himself from the scarf. He stared at the supple cloth in his hands, admiring it and then an idea came to him. He wrapped one end around his hand -- once, twice. Then, he offered the other end to Eren._

_“Here, take this side. Let’s take you home.”_

_Eren beamed so radiantly up at Levi at that. Levi snorted, biting down a smile when Eren took the proffered end of the scarf, wrapping his hand in it nearly five times until it looked like his arm was entirely swallowed up by the cloth._

 

Levi removes the scarf from the tree branch, careful not to let it snag in any way. He fluffs it out, checking that there are no stains. He then takes each end into one hand. Without having to say anything, he lifts his right hand and offers that scarf’s end to Eren.

 

Eren tilts his head, a rather cute gesture, and then his eyes light up in understanding, remembering as well. And then he has that ear-splitting grin when he steps forward and takes the cloth.

 

The two of them wrap their hands in the scarf. Levi does not count how many times it goes around his hand or Eren’s, but he and Eren continue to roll their hands into the cloth, drawing closer and closer, but then stopping at the same time. There is more scarf on their hands than the amount in the space between them.

 

Without another word, they make the trek back, side by side.

 

\--

 

The daily bing bong of the bell signaling the start of school, the patter of feet as his classmates file into the classroom, the scraping of chairs pulling back and their owners settling into them, everyone chattering about their summer vacations -- These are all the familiar noises of school, and the first day of a new semester begins.

 

Here, there is a constant hum in the air: The hustle and bustle of youth and city life all in one place. There is that infectious buzz in the air from being refreshed from summer break that makes everyone, Eren too, smile. Though Eren loves his summer holidays, he does look forward to seeing his friends again.

 

Eren is barely hanging his bag off the back of his chair when a cheery voice greets him.

 

“Eren!”

 

Eren grins, recognizing the voice, and looks up to see his best friend, Armin. Armin sets down his bag and books (figures he bought them already) on the desk in front of Eren.

 

“Hey! How was your summer?” Eren greets back, always happy to see his blonde friend.

 

“Great! The internship at the planetarium was a really good experience!" Armin's sea blue eyes practically sparkle in joyful memory, and Eren will be sure to ask all about it during lunch hour. "At least it ended two weeks ago though, so I did get to have a little summer vacation. You?”

 

“Visited my Uncle’s as usual.”

 

“Same ol’ thing, huh? You really should join us one year. It would be nice to go to the beach with you sometime!”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Eren laughs.

 

Another voice booms into the conversation.

 

“Man, have you ever not visited your Uncle’s for summer?”

 

Eren rolls his eye skyward. Jean plops down in the seat to the right of Eren, tossing down his empty school bag at his feet.

 

“Why would I want to stay in the same town as you for summer when it’s the one chance I can get away?” Eren retorts. He sizes the other up and sees that Jean has bleached his hair again.

 

“Not cool, man!” Jean says. But this is just playful banter, nothing in comparison to the moments when they do get irritated enough and end up throwing a few punches at each other.

 

Armin sighs at his two bullheaded friends.

 

“Good morning,” A soft voice greets. Jean makes strangled choking noises and goes red. Armin smothers a snicker at that.

 

“Oh, mornin’ Mikasa,” Eren gives a small wave to his relative. She gives a nod to all of them, face half hidden by her red scarf as usual, then settles down elegantly into her own seat.

 

The group falls into conversation about their summer.

 

“What, a modeling agency tried to scout you _again_ , Mikasa?”

 

“Shit, I didn’t finish the assignment for Shadis’s class. Man, he is gonna fry my ass for this--”

 

“Oh, Armin, help me out with this last problem set!”

 

“Me too, hey can I copy this--OW!”

 

“You are not copying my work! Anyway, which problem set was it, Eren?”

 

Eren flips through his worksheets, pulling out the second to last page and pointing to it.

 

“Dude, why is your homework all covered in grass stains?” Jean asks.

 

“Shut up. Don’t try to eat it, horse,” Eren taunts back.

 

“Okay, guys, stop! Ah, that problem can be tricky…” Armin trails off, checking over Eren’s work, and then jotting down which equation he should have used.

 

Eren reaches into his school uniform jacket’s pocket, fishing out his phone so he could use the calculator on it. He swipes to unlock the phone, and his photo album pops open, it being the last application he had been using.

 

Jean’s long arm darts out, snatching Eren’s phone and making the brown-haired boy squawk in protest.

 

“Give it back!”

 

“What’s this? Taking pictures of yourself?” Jean is snickering to himself, swiping through photos.

 

“By myself?” Eren echoes in annoyance.

 

Jean goes through a few more photos, then backtracks. He lifts the phone, facing it outwards so Eren and the others could see.

 

Eren blinks. It is the photo he had taken with Levi.

 

“I just…”

 

“Got bored?”

 

“This is why you don’t have any friends. Man, you are so lucky to have us!” Jean taunts. Jean brings the phone back to his face, going through the photos again, Armin and Mikasa moving to peek over his shoulder.

 

“Like, look at this… just grass. Twice, even. And then just him…”

 

Eren is completely still. When Jean had lifted the photo up for them to see, he could clearly see Levi in the photo, lying next to him in the grass.

 

The photos of just grass were the photos he took of Levi’s peacefully sleeping face.

 

Jean, Mikasa, Armin… None of them could see Levi.

 

Only Eren could see Levi.

 

* * *

 

_Eren's fingers quiver, and he stops them by balling his hand into a fist. He drops his tightly clenched hand down, letting the cloth slip back into place again._

_“It’s nothing,” Eren whispers._

_He just does not like it. He does not like it when Levi’s face is hidden from him. He does not like how his hands are curious to know what Levi's face would feel like pressed against his palm. This is not something new to him. He remembers when it first became a temptation, though it has long since calmed to a quiet simmering in the pit of his stomach. It is something that he had pushed away to the far reaches of his mind. Maybe he is still nothing but a selfish child._

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked writing this chapter and it flowed out so much better than the last one, so I am very pleased! I enjoyed exploring Levi’s character more and his confusion with technology was too much fun to write. And I just love Eren a lot, the embarrassed little cutie ( *´艸`)♥


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating has changed because of Eren in this chapter.

* * *

 

_“Eren.”_

 

* * *

 

Levi glares at Eren.

 

It is a full on, eyebrow-twitching, straight up glare _up_ at Eren.

 

Eren quails under the dark gaze. Or should he say, quails _above it_? Does that even make sense?

 

“W-What?” Eren squeaks out, wondering why in the world Levi is piercing him with such an angry look before he can even get out a “hello.” He shuffles his feet, scuffing at the moss on the stone steps where they always meet.

 

“When did you get this tall?” Levi asks. His voice is low, but it somehow feels more menacing than if he had yelled it.

 

Eren barks out a laugh before he can contain it. Levi’s expression darkens even more at the noise and Eren purses his lips, tears leaking out from how hard he tries to not laugh further. Eren shakes his head, hurrying to blink away the tears before Levi notices.

 

However, Levi’s attention has shifted down, traveling the length of Eren’s body from his head to his toes. Eren squirms at those steely eyes roving his body. Those eyes slide back up to his exposed arms, revealed from the elbow down because of his three-quarters sleeve shirt. Eren's favorite baseball team is emblazoned across the shirt in red: The Giants.

 

That hard stare is lingering on his arms longer than normal and a nervous tickle makes its way down Eren’s spine. He feels goosebumps erupt along the flesh of his arms, making his hairs stand on end, even in the middle of summer.

 

“Why are you so dark? Darker than usual, anyway?” Levi asks out of nowhere. Eren tilts his head. It is not like Levi sounds mad. If anything, there is a quiet curiosity to his tone. Eren knows Levi is a highly observant person, always attuned to the possible dangers of the forest. Levi is attentive, knows which tree to turn right at, misses nothing, and always on the look out for Eren’s safety.

 

Eren turns his arms over, examining them. He has indeed gotten tanner. His skin has always been a warm, olive color, but now it is a darker, golden brown. He has not really thought about it, too busy with school.

 

“I joined the soccer club and the swimming club when I started high school this year,” Eren replies. “Couldn’t decide which one I wanted to be in, so why not both? And now both clubs have pressured me not to quit, so… Well, I’m stuck with them for the time being. I’m out in the sun every day after school because of practice!”

 

“Hmm,” is Levi’s response, typically short, but showing he had acknowledged it. That and everything else about Levi has not changed. The corner of Eren’s smile slips a little.

 

“So you’ve started high school,” Levi breathes. “Time sure has passed, huh?”

 

“Yeah, sure has,” Eren echoes.

 

He hopes that did not sound as hollow as he thinks it does. Perhaps not though, because Levi is tilting his head at Eren, a soft upturn of his lips just barely there.

 

“Where’s your high school uniform, then? You’ll have to show me,” Levi says.

  
Eren laughs, sincerely this time. Levi’s words comfort him. There are some unchanging things he is grateful for: That Levi will always wait for him. He is a steady presence in his life, there for Eren at these steps every summer morning. And Levi always has a way of making Eren feel better, with words or without, just like now.

 

Levi looks down the pathway that winds its way from the stairs and into the forest. His back to Eren, he lifts a hand, shielding his eyes from the sun. The older man lets out a long sigh.

 

“Damn hot today. Speaking of swimming, that sounds pretty good right now.”

 

A thrill of excitement runs up Eren’s spine. He can already feel the tingle of cool water rushing against his back. A smirk is already growing on Eren’s face. And maybe, Eren also would not mind showing off a little bit of his newly attained swimming skills.  

 

“Seriously? Let’s go! The place with the waterfall? Are we going there?” Eren is pretty sure he is grinning so widely, but he can’t help it. Levi has taken him to this swimming spot before. It is breathtakingly beautiful, and Eren had been stunned at the power of the waterfall when Levi first took him there.

 

“Yes,” Levi replies, and his mouth still half-open when Eren whirlwinds past him with a “woohoo!”

 

“Oi! Eren, wait for me! Don’t get lost!”

 

“If you want to make sure I don’t get lost, then you better catch up with me!” Eren yells, throwing a cheeky grin over his shoulder.

 

“Idiot, that doesn’t even make sense--Hey--I said wait for me!”

 

Eren’s laughter, the pattering of feet on rustling grass, and Levi’s sharp yells fill the forest air. Eren’s peeks over his shoulder, hearing Levi grump about how much noise he is making, like "a bear needing to take a piss,” and that the forest spirits are probably going to curse him for associating with an idiot human. There is no venom in his voice though, and Eren lets himself laugh freely, forgetting all his worries. Summers are when Eren leaves all his concerns behind, blissfully living in a world where only he and Levi matter.

 

Already, Eren can hear the faint roar of the waterfall and he speeds up. He mentally thanks his two sports clubs for his increased stamina. He hurtles through the last few feet of foliage, and not even bothering to slow down, he jumps into the air, whooping. Quickly, he tucks his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around them, cannonballing straight into the water.

 

His tightly balled up body makes a resounding splash when it hits the water's surface. It resounds in his ears for but a second, and then the muffling sound of water envelopes his senses. Then, Eren is stretching out his limbs like it is second nature to him, propelling himself upward.

 

He breaks the surface of the water with a loud gasp, panting for air. He shakes his head wildly and lifts his hands up to swipe his sopping hair out of the way and rub water away from his eyes.

 

Turning his attention to shore, he sees Levi standing there, arms crossed and looking down his nose disapprovingly at him.

 

“You look like a drowned dog. Your clothes are soaked now, too,” Levi says and clicks his tongue.

 

Eren could care less, but lazily dog paddles back to shore anyway. The shirt is uncomfortably clinging to his skin now. He decided he will shed his shirt, probably his shorts too and just swim around in his boxers. Back at the water’s edge near Levi’s feet, he fights to remove his sopping wet shirt that sticks to him like a second skin. He fights with it a bit, impatient and mumbling to himself. When he finally gets it off, he balls it up and throws it to the ground. Then, Eren presses his hands firmly into the ground there, pushing power into his arms with the intent to heave himself out of the water.

 

He looks up, “Hey Levi--” And chokes on his words. Anything else he was going to say next catch in his throat. For a second, he cannot breathe, almost like the time he hit the water incorrectly after a bad diving practice.

 

Above him, Levi is pulling his shirt over his head, arms crossed at the front. His back curves as he stretches and draws his arms up, dragging the cotton material up and revealing his chest.

 

Eren is probably mouthing like a stunned fish above water right now, and he snaps his jaw closed. He is glad Levi’s face is still hidden by the shirt. Levi curses as he struggles with the shirt, one arm stuck.

 

Eren licks his upper lip, eyes sweeping up and down Levi’s chest. Pale like snow just like the rest of his body, Levi’s body is surprisingly fit. Eren thought he was proud of his own slowly developing stomach muscles from swimming and soccer, but Levi’s? Levi’s body looks firm and strong and Eren wishes he could test those abs under his hands.

 

Eren closes his eyes, cutting off the delectable image just above him. He already feels the heat crawling across his face and he dunks his head back underwater, blowing bubbles in an attempt to scatter these new (disturbing? interesting?) thoughts and simultaneously cool his burning face down.

 

When he resurfaces again, blinking water away, he is greeted by the now shirtless Levi, who is looking down at him oddly.

 

“What is it?” Levi says.

 

“What?” Eren repeats dumbly, before he can even process it. He curses mentally to himself. Stupid mouth, stupid brain, and the sometimes faulty filter between them. Eren dips his head back down just enough to blow bubbles with his mouth, but nose still above water so he could breathe. Levi, seeing the boy is clearly not going to say more, says nothing more.

 

From the corner of his eye, Eren watches Levi neatly fold his white shirt. He admires the flexing biceps, the curve of broad shoulders, and the gentle slope of collarbones that dip down into that sculpted chest.

 

Now that Eren thinks about it, he has never seen Levi so openly bare like this. Levi has always worn long-sleeved tops (plain shirts or button-ups, always either one of the two). On hotter days, Eren is lucky if Levi rolls his sleeves up to the elbow. Eren finds himself visually tracing that line that runs from elbow to wrist on Levi’s forearm, only appearing when he flexes it a certain way.

 

Levi has freed himself from his shirt and Eren nearly chokes on a mouthful of water when the older man lifts his arms above his head to stretch them, cracking his neck and arching the pale flesh there. Eren feels like he should smack his face straight onto the water’s surface to stop thinking about such things and to quell the odd tingling sensation settling low in his stomach.

 

Levi stoops down to roll up his pants legs: Four precise, perfectly equal folds. He smooths the folds approvingly, and then he is dipping one leg into the water with barely ripple, then his other leg; He is silent and barely disturbs the water, a stark contrast to Eren who crashed in like a tidal wave.

 

Eren follows Levi with his eyes, watching the other leisurely make his way towards the center of the pond. As Levi passes him, it allows Eren to have a nice view of the other’s back muscles.

 

Eren has seen many bodies in his swimming club, fit and streamlined by countless afternoon practices. The seniors in the club, especially the swim team captain and the captain's best friend (jokingly referred to as “Dolphin” because of his abilities in the water and affinity for it) had the most amazing bodies. And while Eren had admired their bodies and hoped he would be that sleek and built in the future, it is entirely different to how he feels looking at Levi. That was admiration. This? Eren does not know what to call this.

 

Levi has paused, wading in place. He twists his neck around to look at Eren.

 

“What are you dawdling around for like a dead duck? I thought you said you’ve been learning how to swim. Or was that all talk?”

 

Eren snaps out of his dazed reverie. Levi’s words stoke his competitive spirit, and it flares up at the goading.

 

“Oh, I’ll show you, old forest gnome,” Eren taunts, a wide grin already growing across his face. Jean had joined the soccer team too and they were always throwing snark at each other. Trash talking only ever made Eren feel even more pumped up to win.

 

Levi arches a brow, one corner of his lips quirking up ever so slightly, questioningly repeating “Gnome?”

 

The boy will not lie, he is actually quite proud of his swimming abilities, and that little look eggs him on. Eren is about to push himself off into a breaststroke over to Levi, but Levi is already swimming back over to him. And quite quickly at that.

 

Eren watches Levi swim. Levi is not very tall, and his arms and legs do not cut such long beautiful lines into the water like his swim club seniors do, but there is an assuredness and coiled strength to Levi’s body that he admires. Levi does not swim as cleanly as what his swim team’s rules dictate, but it is pretty close. Levi has a quiet control to his movements--

 

_SPLASH_

 

“Hey!” Eren yelps when Levi draws up next to him, breaking up out of the water and sweeping his arm out to splash a huge wave of water up into the unsuspecting boy’s face.

 

“Your fault for spacing out,” Levi taunts.

 

“Now you’re really asking for it,” Eren says. “Okay, how about here to the waterfall, whoever gets there first is the winner.”

 

“Sounds good to me. Ready?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Okay, go!” And with a kick and twist, Levi pushes himself into a front crawl.

 

“Hey! Not fair!” Eren protests, but then realizes he is wasting precious time and breath talking and dives into a front crawl himself.

 

Everything diminishes away around Eren until he is aware of nothing but the water all around him and the loud crashing of his arms and legs hitting the water as he propels himself forward. As always, his mind is focused on nothing but the end goal. He faintly hears the waterfall getting closer and closer. He catches a flash of black hair somewhere to the left of him.

 

His hand touches the edge of the pond before he knows it and Eren breaks the surface, throwing his head back, greedily gasping for air.

 

A coughed out chuckle makes him look up. Eren pouts when he realizes Levi has beaten him, sitting on the pond’s edge, recovering his own breaths.

 

“Not… fair… You got a headstart!” Eren whines.

 

Levi snorts.

 

“Rematch!” Eren demands.

 

“Fine,” Levi concedes.

 

Eren smiles at that. Levi had only beaten him by a little bit, so maybe this time he will win. The teenage boy has no idea how often Levi swims, but Eren swam nearly every other day after school. He is already breathing normally again. His competitive spirit is burning at one hundred percent right now and he feels like he could take on anyone right now. Hell, when he gets like this, he gets foolish enough to challenge “Dolphin” to race. Said "Dolphin" is rumored to possibly get scouted for the Olympics too.

 

“And what do I get if I win?” Eren demands, the smirk back on his face.

 

“I’ll give you…” Levi pauses for a second, lifting his hand to push his hair out of his face. Eren’s eyes widen, gulping when those fingers run through raven locks and he feels his throat run dry at Levi’s arms and chest glistening wetly, “Whatever you want.”

 

Eren is not sure if he emitted some squeaky sound or not, but he feels like he pretty much backflipped back into the water and away from that enticing image, swimming back to the opposite end at full speed.

 

“Oi, now you’re cheating this time, you brat!” He hears Levi distantly yell.

 

\--

 

Eren is exhausted.

 

His mind is going a hundred miles an hour and it simply will not _shut up_ when all he wants to do is go to sleep.

 

Today had meant to be a day to keep cool at the watering hole with the waterfall, but instead he had been worked up the whole day.

 

Swimming always works up a big appetite, so once he got back to Erwin’s, he had devoured two whole servings of the dinner his Uncle had prepared, which was a creamy mushroom pasta complimented with local vegetables.

 

Stuffed, warm and sleepy from his bath, Eren stumbles into his bedroom, flopping face first into his bed. He nuzzles his nose into the pillows and kicks away blankets that are too hot for summer, down to the foot of the bed. The bed smells of citrus-scented laundry detergent and the wood that Erwin’s cottage is made of.

 

Eren groans and uses his arms to roll himself over onto his back, laughing to himself as he thinks that he is so full that it must be like a whale needing to be rolled over.

 

He lifts a hand to run it down his face, sighing, then settles that hand lazily atop his chest. He cannot stop thinking about this afternoon. He blinks drowsily, his mind’s eye wandering back to Levi’s trim and muscled torso, his strong arms… wondering how those would feel wrapped around him…

 

His hand twitches against his chest. He unconsciously licks his lips.

 

His mind returns him to this afternoon, when he was in the water and looking up at Levi. The vision is very vivid: Levi’s chest rising and falling with each breath, the abs emphasized even more by how he is sitting, one elbow resting in the earth, the other arm lifted to run through inky black hair. Levi’s skin practically glows white, shimmering and damp. Eren breathes in sharply, as he thinks that if those arms wrap around him, how slippery and slick Levi’s body would be against his.

 

This gets Eren thinking. What does Levi’s skin feel like? Is he hot or cold to the touch? Is his skin smooth? Are his fingertips rough from living in the forest? Eren’s eyes flutter shut, trying to imagine it all. He would want to test the firmness of those arm muscles... of those abs...

 

Eren slides the hand on his chest down, slipping it under his t-shirt, pressing the tips of his fingers into his own lightly developing abs. His stomach muscles twitch under the light pressure. How Levi’s would feel compared to his? Would they feel hard?

 

Eren sighs, eyes still closed, furrowing his brows when that tingling sensation blossoms deep within his belly again. It is more powerful than usual, and while odd and unfamiliar to him, it is not necessarily unwelcome.

 

He lifts his other hand, running his hand through his still damp hair in frustration. He recalls Levi running his hands through his own hair, pushing the raven locks off of his forehead, those eyes staring down at him. Eren squirms, kicking his legs about. He remembers that long neck, and he traces his fingers down the side of his own neck. All the while, his right hand has absently been rubbing circles on his stomach. He feels his stomach clench for a second, and then it feels like the warmth has spread a bit more, lower even, and he squeezes his legs together.

 

Eren gasps sharply, eyes snapping open at the sudden, pleasurable sensation when he closed his legs. He looks down to see the slight tent in his pajama pants. He feels abashed and extremely self-conscious, though he knows he is completely alone and his Uncle sleeps in the room at the complete opposite end of the hallway.

 

Tentatively, Eren clenches his legs again. The little buzz of pleasure courses through him again. His hand under his shirt digs into his stomach and he feels like it adds to the sensation.

 

Eren is not an idiot. He knows what this is… But he has never…

 

He removes his other hand from his hair, bringing it down until it is hovering over the front of his pants. He clenches his hand into a fist, then relaxes it again, before inching it closer to the part of him that is aching. He presses his index and middle finger down on the tent there.

 

Eren yelps and arches up suddenly at the pressure on the very tip of himself and _oh god_ , he has no idea how loud that high-pitched noise he made just now was, but he is flipping onto his stomach, stuffing his face into his pillow.

 

His lower half rubbing down into the bed makes him hiss because it is so sensitive. He lifts his hips off of the bed, panting and heart pounding. Eren takes a deep breath and carefully lowers his stomach back onto the bed.

 

The pressure of his member between bed and body helps a little bit. He remains lying completely still, trying to gather himself.

 

He is still hard.

 

Eren feels like his stomach is now doing somersaults along with that burning sensation.

 

Slowly, carefully, he rubs himself down into the bed. Eren sighs at the little sparks of pleasure that shoot through his lower half for but a second. He repeats the motion again and it is the same feeling. Eren does this twice more until he is doing it in a continuous motion, his hips moving in a circle.

 

Eren whimpers and rubs his cheeks into his pillow. He bites his bottom lip, breathing harder, the sparks intensifying and running through his whole body, even all the way to his fingertips. His arms are stiffening as he fists his bedsheets. His pajama pants feel a bit rough on his length, completely hard. But Eren does not care about that anymore, he just wants the pleasure to continue, especially as it seems to be getting stronger with each push of his hips.

 

The stiffening in his arms has spread to his legs and Eren finds it harder to keep his rhythm because of it, but he is not stubborn for nothing. He ruts harder into his bed, unable to stop himself from keening. His bed creaks a little in protest at that and Eren returns to softly rolling his hips.

 

He is all too aware of the electricity coursing through his veins, his heart pounding and feeling like his length is throbbing along with it. Eren is practically writhing in his bed now, biting into his pillow to muffle any more noises.

 

The pleasure is getting stronger and stronger, coming in waves that are building high and higher. He does not want it to end, but he also wants it to, instinctively knowing it will reach a powerful crest that he cannot wait to fall into. He is burning all over.

 

And then Eren’s clouded mind conjures up the image of Levi beneath him, on his back in the grass, body still shining and wet.

 

A strangled noise escapes Eren and he grinds harder into his bed, squeezing his eyes shut and letting that image fill his mind entirely. He imagines his length rubbing against those abs, smoothly and slickly, Levi’s dark gray eyes never leaving him the whole time, never blinking. He has no idea what Levi would feel like, but then he forces himself to think of ghost hands smoothing down his sides and up his back. Eren can barely take it anymore, and he is panting and sweating now, and then it feels like that heat in his lower half has coiled up so tightly and finally burst. He stiffens as the burning heat unfurls and consumes him.

 

With a stuttered gasp, Eren feels the wetness that explodes in his pants. He snaps his eyes open, shoving himself upright so quickly he feels dizzy for a second. He is panting, feeling panic at the mess in his pants, even as the pleasurable high still burns like lava in his veins.

 

Thoroughly embarrassed, Eren shucks off his pants and boxers, crumpling them up and throwing them into a corner of his room. He looks down at himself, soft once again. He curiously runs a fingertip on the head, breath hitching at how sensitive it is. Though that felt good, he ignores it. He stands up to grab another pair of boxers, telling himself to take care of his soiled clothing the following morning.

 

\--

 

Eren thought this would be a one time thing.

  
But for the next three nights this happened, and every morning, he hurriedly hand washed his underwear separately from the rest of the laundry his Uncle did.

 

Thankfully, swimming did not happen again, as one day Eren insisted on playing soccer with Levi. On another day, he requested to see someplace new and Levi ended up taking him on quite a hike.

 

“What’s wrong with you?” Levi asks suddenly on the third day. His thin eyebrows are dipped lower than usual, his eyes scrutinizing the boy.

 

“H-huh?! Nothing!” Eren says, a little too quickly. Levi’s eyes narrow.

 

“You seem more worked up recently.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Eren denies and avoids Levi’s gray eyes boring into him.

 

“You’re tense, yet also a little more hyper than usual,” Levi says.

 

Eren shrieks when a twig pokes his side.

 

“See? This is what I mean,” Levi says, twirling the broken off twig between his fingers.

 

“It’s nothing, really…” Eren says. Eren peeks up at Levi. Levi searches Eren’s eyes for a minute.

 

“Damn human,” Levi finally says in a mock disgusted tone.

 

Eren is not exactly sure why that breaks the tension he has been feeling for days, but it makes him laugh so hard that he is curling into himself and clutching his stomach. When he peeks at Levi, the other is watching him with an amused look.

 

The fourth night, Eren decides he is sick of having to wash his underwear every morning. He drops his pants with a new, determined vigor and pulls himself out of his boxers.

 

He stands in the middle of his room, knees nearly wobbling when he truly touches and strokes himself for the first time.

 

He imagines what it would be like to be wrapped in Levi’s arms. He imagines Levi’s hands on him, touching his chest and tugging on his length, instead of his own hands.

 

Eren had thought rutting into his bed had felt good, but like this, with his bare skin exposed, he could have never imagined the pleasure his hand going up and down on himself could bring. It feels unbearably amazing when he approaches his release and he has to sit down on the edge of the bed because his legs can no longer support him.

 

“Levi… Levi, Levi _Levi_ ,” Eren says lower than a whisper.

 

He wonders what it would be like to have Levi right there with him. He imagines Levi to be a secure warmth around him, smelling like lavender and pine.

 

He does not know what Levi’s skin feels like, how soft his hair is, or if those thin lips would fit well against his own…

 

This is the hardest Eren comes so far, and a few tears fall when he does.

 

When he finishes, he uncaringly wiping his hands down his stomach and then on his discarded pants. He then curls up in his bed, completely exposed and feeling a little cold.

 

* * *

 

_“Do you trust me?”_

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is angsty masturbation a thing, or… Anyway, this chapter evolved in a way I didn’t imagine it would, ahaha… 
> 
> My job interviews have gone well! I'll probably find out next week. A warning that updates may slow down a bit because I’ll be moving and changing jobs at the end of July. I can’t believe it’s already June! 
> 
> Oh! I recently received fanart for this fic!! You can see it over at ryuusea.tumblr.com/tagged/fanart%20for%20awb
> 
> One more thing. I’ve decided to make a tag on tumblr for this fic: “ereriawarmbreath” or you can always tag me with my username “ryuusea” if you want me to see it.


	7. -Interlude-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the title says, this is an interlude chapter. 
> 
> It's important in that I get to reveal to you a little more about Erwin. I'd also like to think Eren matured a bit in this chapter.

Eren’s phone blares to life again, the alarm cutting through the late morning silence. Eren groans and turns over to stuff his face in his pillow, blindly groping at the spot near his head where he knows he had last placed his phone after smacking it into snooze mode. He finally finds it, groggily lifting his head to squint at the time.

 

It is past eleven now, and he finally turns off the alarm. He had hit snooze three times earlier this morning, delaying it for another hour every time. He sighs and plops his head back down again. He really should get up now, though.

 

The sun completely fills his room with golden warmth, the afternoon humidity already starting to creep in and make it just uncomfortable enough for him to sit up. Eren stretches and cracks his neck, yawning away the last vestiges of sleep. He feels lethargic from oversleeping, and this pattern had started about a week ago (About a week ago is when he had started guiltily touching himself). He is waking up later and later, meaning he sees Levi later and later in the day. Levi has said nothing of it, waiting at their usual spot. If it bothers Levi, the mysterious man does not comment on it, continuing with their routine.

 

Eren feels a pang of guilt in his chest and he bites his bottom lip. Ever since he had given in to touching himself to the thought of Levi, he had become increasingly embarrassed. He could no longer deny the desire he felt sometimes when he looked at Levi; the warmth that crawls across his skin and makes him squirm. He does not quite know how to put it into words. It feels like hunger, but not. It is a different kind of emptiness that burns deep within his core.

 

Eren’s lids eyelids droop, vision going out of focus as snippets of his what his imagination had conjured up last night return to him.

 

_The lavender field. Eren on his back. Levi resting on one arm, looming above him and gazing down at him -- Simply watching and not lifting a finger. Shyly, Eren lifts his own shirt and brushes light fingertips over his exposed chest and down to his stomach, skimming over his pants and ghosting over the rising bulge there._

 

_Levi inches down closer to Eren and breathes hotly into his ear, "Since I can't touch you, I want you to touch yourself for me."_ _Eren whimpers at the moistness that blows over his skin, though he knows those lips can never touch him._

 

_"Now show me where you want me to touch you."_

 

Eren’s breath hitches and he shakes his head, pushing away the images.

 

The young man squeaks and lifts his pillow, squeezing it to death. He smothers his face into it and lets out a contained half-groan, half-scream of frustration.

 

He finally pushes himself off the bed, away from his thoughts, and drags himself out of the room to head to the bathroom to freshen up.

 

He brushes his teeth and washes his face with water as cold as he can get it. It helps to awaken him and he feels at least a little more alert. He does not bother to find his brush, but combs his fingers through his hair to get at least some semblance of order to it. His hair always tends to stick out whichever way it wants anyway, but he is able to pat it down fairly well today. Goodness knows how much Levi used to comment on his unruly hair. These days, Eren finds himself more conscious of his appearance and whenever Levi’s attentions are on him.

 

Eren returns to his room to change. He digs into his bag where his clothes are half unpacked, the other half on his floor or on top of the otherwise empty desk in the room. Whenever he stays here, he always lives out of his bag, too lazy to actually ever unpack it. His mother would give him a good scolding if she could see it, but Uncle Erwin treats Eren’s room as the boy’s private haven, only going in when he collects laundry.

 

Eren decides on a pair of dark washed jeans and a striped t-shirt. He considers a sleeveless dark green hoodie hanging on back of the desk chair, eventually deciding it would be good with what he is wearing today. The hood is also a nice reprieve from the sun too, when needed, so he grabs it and throws it on. Stuffing his hands in the hoodie pockets, he leaves the room and walks down the hallway of the one-story home into the kitchen-dining room.

 

“Good morning,” Erwin greets him, glancing up from his laptop. It appears the older man had decided to transition to work straight after breakfast. A cup of coffee stands near at hand, a quarter full and no longer steaming.

 

“G’morning,” Eren replies, padding over to the table. Erwin is at his usual spot at the head of the table, and Eren takes the seat to the right of him. Eren pulls the chair back with his foot before plopping down into it. He yawns and murmurs a thanks to Erwin for the plate of food left for him. It is a simple sandwich of shredded chicken, tomato, mozzarella, and pesto sauce accompanied by a glass of apple juice. The sandwich had been lightly toasted, and though it has already cooled off, Eren digs in with gusto. Love for cooking must run in his mom’s side of the family, because he adores his mother’s homecooking, but Erwin is a good cook himself even with the simple things he makes.

 

“It’s nearly noon, so I decided to just make more of lunch than breakfast for you,” Erwin says. He pauses in his typing to sift through the papers to his left. Eren nods and looks up at his Uncle, mouth too stuffed to say anything.

 

Eren swallows and then asks, “What’re you working on?”

 

“I’m writing a simple draft of a story idea I’ve had for a little while now,” Erwin replies.

 

“Oh, that’s different,” Eren perks up a little at that. His Uncle is an editor for a book company, a job that allows him to work in his remote place in the countryside, corresponding and sending and receiving manuscripts by e-mail. Larger manuscripts are sometimes sent by mail, and Eren has seen those stacks in Erwin’s office. Erwin told him he mainly edits short stories sent in to the company, but he did get longer works from time to time. The fact that this time, it is something his uncle is writing himself, grabs Eren’s attention.

 

“What’s it about?” Eren asks.

 

“It’s a secret,” Erwin smiles that enigmatic smile of his. “For now.”

 

Eren pouts, his sandwich-stuffed cheeks puffing out. He washes it down with big gulps of apple juice and sighs in satisfaction. He places his hands on the edge of the table, ready to set out for the day and about to push his seat back, but then Levi’s face appears in his mind. Hesitation hits him, making his fingers curl and he clenches down on the edge of the oak table. He looks down at his white-knuckled fists.

 

It does not go unnoticed by Erwin, who tilts his head at him. “Something wrong, Eren? Are you not going out?”

 

Eren chews at his bottom lip, before looking up at his uncle.

 

Erwin’s expression is open, studying Eren, encouraging him to spill what is bothering him.

 

“Shouldn’t you be somewhere?” Erwin asks.

 

Eren glances down, then up again, mumbling, “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting your work…”

 

Erwin shakes his head, chuckling, “No, you know that’s not it. You are never a bother and are always welcome in my home.”

 

 _Isn’t there someone waiting for you?_ The thought comes unbidden to Eren.

 

Eren releases the table from his tight grip, setting his elbows down and cupping his chin in his hands.

 

“Uncle, do you ever feel…” Eren trails off into a big sigh. He rubs his eyes, briefly covering his face and allowing himself a moment to breathe and hope he can force back the warmth blooming on his cheeks.

 

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Eren plows forward.

 

“Uncle, do you ever feel like wanting something that you shouldn’t have?”

 

Eren inwardly groans. That had sounded ambiguous and stupid, even to his ears.

 

Erwin sets down everything, pushing the papers to the side. He lifts his arm to rest his elbow on the table, leaning his chin into his hand.

 

“Eren, are you in love?” Erwin outright asks.

 

Eren shoots his head up at Erwin. The teenage boy is glad he had finished eating, because if he feels like choking right now, he can only imagine if he had had food in his mouth. He gawks, opening and closing his mouth. With how hot his face feels, he knows there is no way he could possibly deny Erwin’s statement.

 

_Am I so easy to read?!_

 

“You’ve been in a daze lately,” Erwin says in response to the unvoiced question. He then chuckles. “It’s understandable. You’re at that age, after all.”

 

“There… There is someone… I think,” Eren acquiesces. “This person has always been there for me. Like, I can’t imagine them as _not_ part of my life anymore. Like, who was I before we met? I honestly feel like I don't know.”

 

Eren purses his lips. His uncle is kind and always listens and gives wonderful advice. Even now, though Erwin is just sitting there and listening to him, it helps Eren to process through his thoughts. Eren has friends and people who are important to him, like Armin and Mikasa and some of his classmates. His relationship with Levi though, was it a friendship from the beginning? What does one even call their relationship? What is it now? It all feels so sudden, how Eren’s heart palpitates around Levi in a way it never has before. He does not know how to halt the galloping ache in his chest.

 

“Eren,” Erwin softly interrupts, “Come with me for a bit.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You’re not busy at the moment, are you?”

 

“No, of course not, I mean…” Eren surreptitiously slips his phone out of his pocket to glance at the time. It is forty minutes past eleven now.

 

“I won’t keep you long,” Erwin says. The tall man stands and pushes in his chair. He carries his now empty coffee cup to deposit it in the kitchen sink as he exits the dining room. Erwin heads towards the living room, Eren trailing not too far behind.

 

Eren looks on in pleasant surprise when Erwin removes the bird painting that sits above the fireplace, in order to reveal a safe hidden behind it.

 

Erwin delicately runs an index finger over one black-and-white feathered wing on the painting. Eren notes that the painting is not dusty, even if some of the photo frames on the fireplace just below it are. Erwin always did appear to look at the painting fondly, now that Eren recalls it.

 

What surprises Eren more is that the safe is not locked. Erwin does not punch in a code onto the keypad there, simply grabs the embedded handle and swings the door open. Erwin pulls out a plain wooden box, square and about the width of two hands. It is undecorated and unassuming, but beautiful in how cleanly it is carved. 

 

Erwin waves for Eren to sit with him. The elder man sits down on one of the couches and gently places the box on the coffee table before him. Meanwhile, Eren sits on the couch on the opposite side of the coffee table so they are facing each other.

 

“What do you think this is, Eren?”

 

Eren tilts his head, brow furrowing in confusion.

 

“It just looks like a plain ol' box.”

 

“It is. Looks like nothing special, correct? But what makes it special is what’s inside.”

 

Erwin lifts the lid with two hands.

 

Eren leans over to peer at the box’s contents.

 

There are stacks of envelopes yellowed by time, dried flowers and leaves pressed into bookmarks to preserve them, a long black quill (which even Eren thinks is anachronistic, because Erwin is not _that_ old), other little trinkets that Eren cannot identify, and a pair of gold rings that glimmer brightly in one corner of the box.

 

“These are all letters from a woman named Marie. She was a nurse that I met when I first joined the army. She was transferred to a different base a year later, but we continued to write letters to each other to keep in touch.”

 

Erwin takes out the stack of envelopes. He then pulls out an envelope that Eren had not noticed was under the pair of rings in the corner. It is a smaller envelope, looking the thinnest. Unlike the other envelopes, which have Erwin’s or Marie’s addresses handwritten on them, this one is typed and has the army seal on it. This envelope is also the most wrinkled, like it had been been crumpled and twisted in a hand one too many times.

  
Erwin’s eyes are downcast, holding the envelope which looks tiny in his wide palm.

 

“Marie and I had many plans. I wanted to ask her to marry me. Unfortunately, she died before I could.”

 

Eren is stunned into silence. He had never questioned why his uncle is unmarried. The man always looked content in his small rural home, deeply invested in his work. Especially with how kind and handsome he is, there is no way Erwin could not have found a life partner if he really wanted to.

 

Eren licks his dry lips. He is not sure what to say in such a situation, but he is quiet and solemn and hopes his sympathetic feelings can reach his uncle. Erwin eventually looks up though, and there is a gentle light to his eyes when he looks straight at Eren.

 

“I said that what’s inside this box is what makes it special. Do you know what that is?” Erwin asks.

 

Eren frowns and shakes his head.

 

“Memories,” Erwin answers. “Good and bad, memories make a huge part of who we are. What are we, without memories to look back on and laugh or cry about?”

 

Eren feels like a small light flickers on within him, and he finds himself nodding at what Erwin is saying. It makes sense to him and somehow it lightens the air around them a tad.

 

Then Eren’s attention is brought back to the box, because Erwin has turned it over, dumping out all the contents onto the coffee table. The gold rings clatter loudly against the glass. Erwin then flips the box back over and sets it down again, pushing it with one hand towards Eren.

 

The box, now empty, is a lot deeper than it appeared to Eren earlier. Eren looks back up at Erwin, not sure what he is supposed to do.

 

“Uncle?”

 

“I’ve lost important people in my life, Eren. There are some lingering regrets -- Why did I never say this? Why did I never do this? I’m married to my work now, but,” Erwin chortles to himself at his own joke. “Eren, it’s impossible to not have regrets in life. However, I do hope you’ll live to have at least a little less regrets than I do.”

 

Eren swallows. It feels like his throat is blocked with thick emotion. He blinks rapidly, feeling a moistness gathering in his eyes.

 

“There’s one important thing to remember, though.”

 

Eren waits, letting Erwin continue.

 

“Memories are something that have to be made. You make them, in this moment, by living _now_.”

 

Eren returns his gaze to the box Erwin had offered to him. It is empty. And it is waiting to be filled.

 

A new feeling heats up in Eren’s chest. He clears his throat and darts his eyes back up to Erwin.

 

“Uncle,” Eren states, feeling a new resoluteness pulsing through him and adding strength to his voice. “I need to go. There’s somewhere I need to be.”

 

Erwin says nothing, but smiles and nods.

 

Eren is then shoving himself up off the couch, nearly slipping on the wood floor and tripping over his own feet as he rushes to get out of the cottage. He shoves his feet into his shoes waiting outside the front door, clambering down the porch and breaking into a run as soon as his feet hit the stone path.

 

Tears leak out of the corner of his eyes, finally forced out with the wind made by his running. Eren rubs his eyes into his shirt’s shoulder. He makes himself run faster, going into a full on sprint.

 

Houses and fields rush past him, gravel dirt road hardening into the stone path. Soon, Eren is aware of nothing but the sound of his feet hitting the ground, his harsh breaths, and the mantra in his mind: _Levi, Levi, Levi. I need to see Levi._

 

Green has erupted on both sides of Eren, having entered the first part of the forest. He pants harshly, feeling that tingling burn in his thighs as the ground begins to make an incline under him. He ignores it, pushing his feet harder into the ground and putting power into his thighs to push himself up the hill. He needs to get up this hill. He needs to see Levi. The archway is finally peeking visibly. Eren grits his teeth and feels a new surge of energy.

 

The boy’s feet take him up those last few steps by muscle memory alone, and he is over that last step before he realizes it, nearly falling over himself at his own momentum. Levi, who had been sitting and leaning against the archway, half asleep, snaps awake at the noise, whipping off his mask when he notices Eren’s frenzied state.

 

Gapsing and wheezing for breath, Eren plants his hands on his knees and stoops to catch his breath.

 

“Levi…” He barely croaks out between his harsh pants.

 

Levi looks startled, and his gray eyes are looking at Eren in concern. There is confusion at Eren’s state, and his thin black brows pull together. Eren vaguely hears Levi ask him, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

 

But Eren ignores it, and he is is repeating Levi’s name desperately.

 

“Levi. Levi, Levi, Levi, Levi…”

 

“I’m right here. What’s wrong with you?!”

 

Levi has stood and stepped over to Eren, hands raised in concern, but obviously not going touch the boy.

 

“Levi, Levi, Levi. You’re here. I’m here,” Eren pants.

 

And then he is laughing at the utter ridiculousness of what he had just said. And then crying.

 

Eren is outright sobbing, tears and pent up feelings running down his face. He lets it all out, freely and at full volume. His voice cracks with how loudly he cries, and he can barely breathe with the snot running down from his nose. He tastes salt from the tears that run into his mouth. Through his blurry vision, he cannot even see Levi, just his silhouette moving a bit closer to him.

 

And then Eren feels a shade fall over his eyes, and a weight settles on top of his face.

 

Eren takes a harsh, raking breath that shudders with hiccups. He blearily realizes that Levi had placed his mask on top of Eren’s face.

 

But Eren does not feel Levi pull his hand away. Instead, he feels Levi’s hand remain there. And then the weight increases, and then it dawns on Eren that Levi is holding his face, the mask between them. A rhythmic movement up and down makes him realize that Levi is stroking the mask of the cheek, as if to comfort him. As if to wipe his tears if he could.

 

It makes Eren’s chest twist and the tears come back full force.

 

Eren accepts it all. He accepts his feelings and desires for Levi, even if it breaks his heart. He accepts how unfair and cruel it is that he and Levi will never touch. But he accepts the weight on his face and the knowledge that Levi will stand by his side as long as he can. And Eren, in return, will do the same.

 

Between convulsing breaths, Eren hiccups out, “I’m… I’m sorry… Sorry. Sorry. I’m s-s-so sorry!” He is sorry for making Levi wait. He is sorry for being selfish and being late to meet Levi, when their time spent together is what is most important. They had a promise, after all, to meet here every day. And if this had continued, and if Eren had continued to wallow in his self-pity, would this have continued? An hour later every time, until eventually that promise was broken?

 

No. He cannot. He must not. A promise is a promise.

 

Even if he is uncertain of their future, he is certain of the present: They are here together now.

 

Beginning to calm down, Eren lets this thought soothe him. The tears start to subside, and his breathing slows and becomes more steady, with only the occasional little hiccup. His tongue feels thick and it is hard to swallow, but he forces himself to. Sniffling and blinking, Eren makes himself focus on the person here in front of him right now.

 

Vision clearing, Eren realizes that he can see out of the mask through the tiny eye holes.

 

He makes a noise of confusion when the weight on the mask increases again. Darkness falls over his mask, blocking out the light into the mask’s eyes for a second. The moment is brief, and then the weight is gone. The mask is then being pulled off and he finds his face mere inches away from Levi’s. Eren's breath catches at their proximity. He can see the flecks of black in those silver eyes and Levi's eyelashes are longer than he thought they were. Their breaths are mingling, Levi's light and fluttering against Eren's.

 

Suddenly, it hits Eren. He feels winded again, but for a completely different reason. Eyes wide, he glances down at Levi's lips, down at the mask, and up again. Levi breaks the connection between their eyes, lips pulling downward. He pulls his face away from Eren and sits down cross-legged in front of him, just far enough away to be safe.

 

“Have you stopped crying now?” Levi’s voice is soft. Their eyes meet again and Eren thinks that maybe it was not just himself who had been feeling lonely recently.

 

Mutely, Eren nods.

 

Levi nods as if to say _good_.

 

“We don’t have to go anywhere today, Eren. You’re here, that’s all. And that’s fine.”


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all you beautiful, lovely people who are reading AWB. I was blown away by the response to last chapter! I especially appreciate those of you who left comments telling me your reactions. Some of you even watched Hotarubi no Mori e!
> 
> A few days ago, I outlined how I am going to end this fic. I won’t say how many chapters left, but there’s still a decent number left. I will feel both happy and sad when we do reach that point.
> 
> Huge apology for the long wait. Been so busy with work-related things, and when I wasn’t busy, I was too tired to write. When I finally did get around to writing, I hated the first two drafts I wrote and completely trashed them. Glad I did though, because the third try I finally got the story to the point I wanted it to be at.
> 
> * This chapter takes place not long after the events of the Interlude chapter.

* * *

 

_Eren lifts the lid of the wooden box, smiling because it contains memories and many of his favorite things._

 

* * *

 

Something feels different when Eren wakes up the next morning.

 

Figuring things out with Levi and the state of their relationship, acknowledging the limits of it and facing forward -- All of it has left Eren feeling less burdened. He feels like he has reached a sort of inner peace, but more so than that, a self-acceptance of his feelings (as well as the stirrings of desire that still keep him up late every other night).

 

_“We don’t have to go anywhere today, Eren. You’re here, that’s all. And that’s fine.”_

 

Eren nuzzles his face into his pillow, a grin splitting across his face at the memory. _That’s right._ Levi is here, and that is all he needs. This makes Eren finally crack his eyes open and shove himself up in bed. Today is another new morning, which means another full day that he gets to spend in Levi’s company. Eren hops up and hastily makes his bed, eager to start the day.

 

Today is also different for another reason. In contrast to the lightness in Eren’s chest, the air is heavy. Only then does Eren notice how the usual blinding sunlight is not streaming into the room. Instead, today is overcast and light gray clouds cover the whole expanse of the sky.

 

Summer days are always hot and humid, but today feels like the most humid that Eren has experienced so far. It makes him feel sluggish, and despite his enthusiasm, he finds himself walking a bit slower than he usually does to meet Levi. Even with his lethargic pace, he gets sweaty and sticky a lot faster than usual. By the time he gets to Levi, his shirt is sticking to his back uncomfortably.

 

“Ugh,” is the first thing that slips out of Eren’s mouth to greet Levi.

 

“The air tastes like rain today,” Levi says, hands stuffed in his pockets, standing with a nonchalant ease. The response is a little odd to Eren, but he nods anyway. Levi lives in the forest after all; his senses are different, as well as his way of speaking. Eren stifles a yawn, the muggy air making everything from his eyelids to his limbs feel heavy. The air itself feels thick and difficult to breathe in.

 

Eren blinks, realizing that they have been standing there for at least a couple minutes now. He looks down to study Levi’s face. The older man’s eyes are a little distant, meditative in thought. But then the look is gone, and his eyes are focusing and lifting to meet Eren’s own.

 

Their gazes lock in this moment of silence. Though they are standing at least a full arm’s length away from each, somehow Eren suddenly feels like he is too close to Levi. Not in a bad way, but as if since the incident a few days ago where he had cried everything out, a wall had been stripped down between them. Eren is not sure if he can see Levi more clearly, or if he has simply not been looking at Levi properly before. Perhaps he had not, when he was too busy denying his feelings for the elder man.

 

Levi speaks up, at last.

 

“Eren, what do you want to do today?”

 

Eren’s mind is blank. _What does he want?_ He usually goes along with Levi’s suggestions.

 

“I… I want--” Eren stops mid-sentence when a drop of water hits his nose. This is soon followed by a few more drops, cutting the moment they were having. Eren is not sure what to call it. Both look skyward as a light shower begins to fall around them.

 

“Tch,” Levi grimaces, mouth curling downward in a disapproving frown.

 

“Rain?” Eren utters in disbelief.

 

“How odd. Rainy season should be long over,” Levi declares.

 

Eren rubs at one arm, growing slick with moisture from the drizzle.

 

Levi glances at the motion, up at the clouds again, and then into the forest.

 

“Perhaps it shall pass,” Levi says. “Let’s take cover for now.”

 

Eren follows Levi into the forest. and they continue walking for a while, the trees in this part of the forest either too small or the foliage too spread out to provide proper coverage.

 

The gentle rain, at least, helps to cool Eren’s skin a little bit. He was already a little wet from sweat anyway. He peeks at Levi next to him. Levi’s grimace has not lifted, his brows drawn together in annoyance. Raindrops settle on his inky black hair like dewdrops. Eren swallows and looks away. He happens to spot a bush with large leaves then. In an attempt to half to distract himself, he yanks one out. The span of the leaf is probably two feet. The leaf wobbles in his hand, wavering under the peppering of tiny raindrops.

 

Eren snickers and lifts the leaf up, holding it up Levi. Levi follows the action with his eyes, snorting when he glances up at the leaf above his head.

 

“Idiot,” Levi mumbles, but his mouth has eased into a faint smile at least. Levi pushes the bottom side of the large leaf away with the side of his hand, as if to nudge it back in Eren’s direction. Eren is pretty sure that if Levi could touch him, he would have shoved his arm away, insisting the boy worry about himself. Eren does not toss the leaf aside though, until Levi leads them to a pine tree for cover.

 

It is a large pine tree, its branches full and far reaching. They approach the base of the tree and Levi brushes aside stray pine needles before sitting down. Eren follows and settles down on Levi’s right.

 

Eren leans his head back against the solid trunk of three. The rain thickens, now making an audible patter against the forest floor. He watches droplets catch on pine needles and slip down. Eren sighs and breathes in the scent of rain and pine. Eren does not particularly like rain; never has since he was a child. As a kid, rain meant he could not play outside. In this moment though, Eren finds the rhythmic sound of the rain soothing, and a blanket of tranquility wraps itself around him.

 

Movement next to him makes Eren return his attention to Levi. Levi is looking off to the left, and Eren’s gaze wanders down Levi’s undercut and along his pale neck. Rainwater has left a thin sheen on the skin there. It makes Eren gulp.

 

“Levi?” Eren questions when Levi stands and steps out into the rain again. Eren curiously watches Levi approach a bush he had not noticed a few feet away. Growing out from it are flowers that look like pom-poms: Small clusters of flowers growing together in circular formations. Most of the bunches are white, but a few are pale purple or pink. Levi appears to ponder these flowers, gently brushing his fingers over one head of flowers, then another. Then, Levi makes some kind of decision and pulls out two flower heads.

 

Levi returns to his seat next to Eren.

 

Eren stares at Levi in confusion, looking back and forth between the flowers in Levi’s hands and his face, searching for an explanation.

 

“Hydrangea,” Levi states.

 

Eren cocks his head to the side in more confusion.

 

“These are hydrangeas,” Levi rephrases. He lifts one up towards in Eren in emphasis. He adds, “I actually didn’t like these flowers very much before.”

 

“Really?” Eren asks. The boy carefully and slowly leans forward, checking that Levi is not going to move. He sniffs at the flowers, but they have no scent. Eren pulls away, looking up at Levi to continue.

 

“Hydrangea only bloom in the rainy season,” Levi twirls the stem of one, then the other. “I’ve always thought that they’re so goddamn bright. They are scentless, fruitless flowers that bear nothing, yet they proudly show themselves off in such vibrant colors.”

 

“They are pretty,” Eren agrees.

 

“Selfish, arrogant little things, aren’t they?” Levi smirks. There is no malice in his tone though. He brushes a thumb over tiny white petals, wiping away raindrops.

 

Eren lifts a hand, reaching out for the one nearer to him. Levi wordlessly hands it over. Eren turns the flower about in his hand. He has never seen this flower before now. In this afternoon, turned gray by clouds and rain, the white flowers look especially bright. Then, Eren spots one flower in the bunch in his hand. Amongst the outer ring, one blossom stands out from the rest, for it is not white, but the faintest purple.

 

“It’s okay to be selfish sometimes though, right?” Eren ponders aloud rhetorically. He simply felt the need to think that out loud.

 

“Perhaps.”

 

Eren turns his head around quicker than he thought at that one word. He and Levi are face to face, staring into each others’ eyes. They are closer, closer than before. Eren is quickly hyper aware of the _Rain? Sweat?_ on his upper lip. He feels Levi exhale a bit harder; a drawn out sigh that blows over his face. Eren searches Levi’s face for an answer he is not quite sure he knows the question to. He can smell the rain around them, on them, in Levi’s hair. How Eren wishes he could rake his fingers through Levi’s damp, dark hair.

 

Eren shudders at that last thought. Levi pulls away at that, his eyes hooding and looking down and away from Eren’s wide eyes. Levi looks to Eren’s shoulders, which shiver, then to his arms which the teenage boy is rubbing with is hands. Goosebumps have erupted along Eren’s arms, the cool rain having settled on the skin there.

 

And then Eren is shuddering again, but from something entirely different. Levi has lifted the small natural bouquet of flower in his hand, skimming it down the exposed flesh of Eren’s arm, from the end of his short-sleeved shirt and down to his fingertips. The delicate flowers ghost over Eren’s skin, not exactly tickling, but making him twitch at the little tingling sensations that linger there.

 

“You must be cold,” Levi flatly says. Then, he is standing as if nothing had passed just now. He still carefully holds the flower in his hand, but he looks down expectantly at Eren, waiting for the other to rise as well.

 

“Huh? Where are we going?” Eren asks, still in a half stupor.

 

“Wouldn’t want you getting sick because of this rain. We can stop by Hanji’s cave. She has an assortment of clothes among all the human crap she collects.”

 

“Oh. Okay,” Eren dumbly mumbles, still lost in his swimming thoughts.

 

“Let’s go then. Before moss starts growing on your ass.”

 

Eren laughs at the image of the green stuff growing on his bottom, but he stands, dusting off his pants.

 

Levi turns around to lead the way, and the pair brave the rain, hydrangeas in hand.

 

\--

 

Hanji’s cave is deeper in the forest, at the foot of the mountain. By the time Levi and Eren get there, both of their clothes are soaked, even if the rain has remained a light spray this whole time. Eren loathes the wet sensation of clothes sticking to skin like this in the rain, and pulls at the bottom hem of his shirt, holding it out and away from his skin. Before them, a cave yawns open. Eren cranes his neck back to squint up the mountain; however, it is blanketed in clouds, the peak completely hidden from view by the silvery wisps.

 

“Levi, will we ever go up to the top?”

 

“No.”

 

Eren twists his head back down to Levi. Levi, his face in profile, has looked up to stare up the mountain as well.

 

“The farther up you go, the more powerful spirits there are,” Levi explains.

 

“So it’s dangerous?” Eren asks.

 

“Some of them are just more distrustful of humans,” Levi replies.

 

“You’re a spirit though, aren’t you?”

 

“In a way, I suppose…” Levi says and locks his gray eyes on Eren.

 

“You trust me though, right?” Eren asks, a light humorous tone lacing his voice.

 

“Blame Hanji. Maybe her obsession with humans has rubbed off on me and made me soft. And anyhow, you’ve done nothing to make me not trust you.”

 

Eren immediately guffaws, “Nothing, I guess, except the first time we met. When I tried to touch you.”

 

Levi snorts and retorts, “And now I’m stuck with you all the damn time.”

 

“Aww, come on! Anyway, tell me more about these big mountain spirits--”

 

“Like that.” Levi abruptly says, shooting an arm out to point in Eren’s direction, just to the left of him.

 

"...Huh?"

 

There is the snort-like sound of an animal exhaling forcefully from just behind him.

 

Eren feels his face pale. He snaps his head around.

 

His jaw drops and a strangled, choking noise escapes him. A huge mass of golden brown fur stands behind him on four legs, staring him down.

 

“BEAR!” Eren shrieks, trying to scramble away from the bear right behind him, but his sneakers only slip at the mud beneath his feet.

 

“LEVI, HELP!” He yelps again when the bear’s head looms in closer to him. Eren throws his arms over his face, praying the bite will not be so bad, and maybe if he is lucky he will not lose a limb, and hopefully this bear actually does not like the taste of human meat...

 

A huge whiff of air ruffles Eren’s hair.

 

Eren freezes. _Is this bear…?_

 

He slowly drops his arms. His body still shivering, Eren shakily looks up, just as the bear takes two large inhales of his hair.

 

_IS THIS BEAR SNIFFING ME?!_

 

He nearly feels like his hair is sucked off his head when the bear takes another huge snuff.

 

The bear lumbers in even closer, nose bumping into Eren’s head. Up this close, Eren can see the golden brown brown fur in detail. How it is especially bushy around the bear’s face, nearly covering its onyx black eyes. The fur just below its nose and around its snout are a darker brown, almost black, like a beard even, and Eren would have probably found it amusing… _If not for the fact that there was a damn bear in his face._

 

And then Eren is gawking because Levi is suddenly beside him and shoving the bear’s face away with one hand.

 

“Mike, stop sniffing him. He looks about to ready to piss his pants, and he already reeks enough.”

 

The bear relents and settles back to sit on its haunches, but not before it takes a deep, grunting sniff of Levi’s hand still unceremoniously shoved into its visage.

 

And then the bear is talking. Eren thought Hanji was shocking enough, but that is nothing versus the bear with its deep, reverberating voice.

 

“I didn’t believe Hanji, but she’s right. You’ve got the smell of human all over you.”

 

Levi snatches his hand back, grumbling about cold wet snouts on his hand. The bear apparently named ‘Mike’ eyes Eren, gaze dropping down and Eren wonders if the creature just checked to see if he wet his pants or not.

 

“Close your mouth before flies fly in there,” Levi grunts at Eren.

 

Eren immediately snaps his mouth shut, unaware that his jaw had been hanging open in disbelief until now.

 

The patter of light feet, and then all three turn to see Hanji in her fox form trotting out of the cave and towards them.

 

“I thought I heard your voice, Levi!” Hanji chimes with glee. “Hello, Eren. Oh! Mike, long time no see! Did you come down to visit little old me?”

 

A deep rumble resonates from the bear.

 

"Oh, that's great, then! I actually wanted to borrow your nose and get your opinion on these bottles of spices I found..."

 

Eren has no idea if that is supposed to be a “yes” or a “no.” He also wonders if Hanji understood it as well, or just interpreted it however she wants.

 

Levi clicks his tongue in impatience. “Eren and I are here to grab a change of clothes from you because of the sudden change to this piss weather.”

 

“Oh, yes, of course, come in,” Hanji babbles on. “What’s with the flowers anyway?”

 

Eren squeaks and blushes, forgetting about the hydrangeas in their hands. He does not let go of them though, feeling it would be an offense to throw them aside.

 

“None of your goddamned business, fox,” Levi snaps at the fox spirit. “Now are you going to let us in or not? And start a fire. I don't want this kid collapsing on me from one of those human 'cold' sicknesses.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m on it, you grump,” Hanji replies, rolling her eyes, which is a strange sight indeed on a fox. She turns tail and saunters into her home carved into the mountain rock face. Eren starts when a sudden ball of fire appears at her tail, glowing gently and trailing along after her as she walks farther into the cave. Already, the boy feels a little bit warmer from the heat seeping out from it.

 

Levi follows Hanji in first, then Eren, and lastly Mike who lumbers along after them.

 

“Seriously though, what brings you down from the mountain and to this part of the forest, Mike?” Hanji inquires.

 

“I smelled Levi in the domain. And then a human scent I didn’t recognize, so I came down to check, only to discover he was with Levi. So, Levi, this is…?”

 

“Eren. I'm Eren,” Eren answers.

 

Hanji summons forth more glowing balls of fire, tossing them around to float in the cave and light up their surroundings. The cave is a long tunnel, starting off narrow, but then widening out as they continue along. Eren cannot contain his impressed sound of, “ooh” at the glowing, pulsating fireballs. They glow with life, not in an eerie way, though it is still a strange sight to see. Must be a spirit power of Hanji’s to summon fire. Eventually, they reach the end of the cave, which rounds out into a wider, open space. The ceiling of the cave arches high above them in a craggy dome.

 

Then, Eren notices everything in the cave.

 

“Tch, this place is a disaster as always,” Levi grimaces, stepping around a haphazard stack of books that reach to his knees.

 

“Feel free to look at anything,” Hanji says to Eren, ignoring the shorter man’s comment. Eren gawks because Hanji's collection of human items is eclectic and endless. He spots a teapot, an electric fan, one of those human skeleton models you find in science class, a cell phone taken apart with an open journal next to it filled with messy notes, toothbrushes laid out next to hairbrushes and forks, and was that a roll of toilet paper over there?

 

Eren approaches the pile of books Levi had bypassed. The boy runs his eyes over the book titles, which range from poetry to molecular biology.

 

“Goddamnit, stop stiffing me, Mike!” Levi growls, elbowing away the bear’s furry head away from him. Eren looks up to see Levi in another corner of the cave, sorting through an open chest filled with a messy pile of clothes. The chest has one leg broken, so it stands crookedly. Levi swats at the bear's snout with a shirt, then returns to digging around for more articles of clothing.

 

“You smell like the human boy,” The bear says in its deep voice. And then Levi is fighting off Hanji, who decides she will come to sniff all over him to check too.

 

“You’re right, Mike, he totally does!” Hanji chimes, nose poking into Levi's waist.

 

Eren feels a little ping of jealousy for a moment. His eyes linger on Levi’s pale hands, which are currently tugging on Hanji’s tail. Those hands can touch Hanji and Mike. Is it because they are animals? Or is it because they are spirits? He sighs and his eyes flicker down to the current book on his lap: A picture book to teach the letters of the alphabet. He blindly grabs for the next book in the pile, cracking it open. Dust flutters up, causing Eren to sneeze. His eyes water and he coughs and he lets go of the book to rub his eyes. When his vision clears and he is no longer sneezing, he looks down at the book in his lap.

 

Eren smiles.

 

It is not a book, but actually a notebook, filled with Levi’s name written in it over and over again.

 

On the first few pages, the letters are written with wiggly, unsteady lines, the spaces between them uneven. Gradually, the letters straighten. More pages in, Levi’s name is more confidently inked in. Later on, it is not just Levi’s name repeatedly, but random words noted down. Eventually, words have become sentences. Words' meanings are defined. Similar words are grouped together for study's sake.

 

Eren remembers Levi telling him how he had learned to read and write, and how Levi had taught himself. He had used Hanji’s books, reading and copying how to write words, and here was one piece of evidence right here in Eren's lap.

 

He and Levi are different -- Eren has always been aware of that large gap between them. He wonders how long ago Levi learned how to write. He wonders how many years Levi has lived. At this moment, however, Eren thinks that he and Levi are not that different: Eren once learned how to read and write. He learned how to write his own name. His mother had kept every crayon scribble, every finger painting, every scrawl of Eren’s own name and random words he had learned. Hanji had never thrown out these notebooks either.

 

“Hey, Eren,” Levi calls from another end of the cave. “Come here and choose a change of clothes. We’ll let your clothes dry. Maybe the rain will let up later this afternoon.”

 

“Coming!” Eren calls, his voice echoing in the cave. He tears a page from the notebook, folding it and pocketing it. He shuts the book and returns it to its rightful place in the pile. Levi has changed into a long-sleeved white shirt and dark pants. Eren digs around a bit, eventually settling on a plaid button up and a pair of shorts. They then lay their clothes out to dry next to one of the glowing fireballs.

 

If anyone ever told Eren he would sit around a fire, laying on his belly atop a bear, chatting with a fox and a spirit (“Sort of,” Levi had said), he would have called them crazy. Yet, that is how Eren spent the rest of that afternoon, warm and happy, smiling at the stories Hanji and Mike had to tell of the forest, a younger Levi, and Hanji’s ventures into the human world.

 

"You know, Levi moved out of here as soon as he could." 

 

"Who wouldn't? Have you seen this hole you live in? You've got way too much shit."

 

"No wonder you're so hung about being clean..."

 

Eren thought he had not said that aloud, but grins sheepishly when a glower is shot his way.

 

Later, when Levi steps out to check if the rain has stopped or not, Hanji trots over to Eren, nudging her nose into the crook of his arm. Eren yawns and stretches from his current position, having shifted to lounge against Mike’s side.

 

Hanji whispers to Eren, “Please take care of him.”

 

Eren glances at her, to the direction Levi had disappeared down earlier to return to the cave entrance, and then back at her again.

 

“Mm,” Mike rumbles as well.

 

Eren looks up at Mike.

 

"He cares about you. I can smell it all over him," Mike says.

 

"O... kay," Eren hesitantly replies. What an odd thing to say. He blushes and smiles softly though. _Levi cares about me._

 

Mike continues to stare, saying nothing. Eren returns his attention to Hanji. She blinks imploringly up at him. And Eren thinks, like his mother loves him, Levi also has people that love him. They love Levi. The worry about him.

 

 _And Levi?_ Levi looked to be annoyed most of the time he was with Hanji and Mike just now. Yet Eren knows that is not the case.

 

Levi is a man of few words, and subtle with his outward displays of self-expression, and even rarer smiles.

 

He meets Eren every day without fail.

 

When Eren is not his usual self, Levi asks what the hell is wrong with him in his blunt manner. No matter how hard Eren does his best to hide it, Levi always knows.

 

_“Trust me, if Levi was not interested, you would have never seen him again.”_

 

Eren smiles to himself, remembering Hanji’s words from many summers ago.

 

Levi could avoid Hanji and Mike if he really did not want to see them.

 

He also did not have to wait for and meet Eren if he did not want to.

 

Eren learns something new today too; or, merely realized something that perhaps he kind of knew all along.

 

_Levi is a man of action, more than words._

 

Eren smiles, ready to respond, “I--”

 

“Hey,” Levi interjects sharply, having returned. His voice echoes significantly in the cave's current silence. “The rain has stopped. You gonna take a shit in this foxhole, or are you ready to leave? It’s sunset in three hours.”

 

Eren rolls his eyes.

 

“Yeah, yeah, coming, old man!” The boy yells and runs off to be at Levi’s side.

 

When they step back out, indeed, the rain has stopped, the clouds having parted to let some sunlight shine down in patches. Mike and Hanji come out after them, sniffing at the moist air. The air is heavier with even more moisture, but at least it is cooler. The grass at Eren’s feet glistens with dew, and he feels like the forest takes on a new life after the rain, and birds are chirping again. Everything also just appears so much more green and vivid, as if having been washed and refreshed after the rain. Hanji pops back into her cave quickly to gather Levi's and Eren's clothes. She returns with them tossed over her back and the hydrangeas clutched in her mouth. Levi and Eren collect their respective items.

 

The pair begin their trek through the forest. Eren periodically looks back, waving at Hanji and Mike until he can no longer see them. Above them, the sky has already begun to turn orange.

 

“Unless you want to become food to a wolf spirit or something, I suggest you hurry,” Levi gripes at Eren.

 

“Huh?” Eren says absentmindedly, smiling to himself and twirling the hydrangeas in his hand.

 

“As I said earlier,” Levi says, “More powerful spirits live in the mountain. Some live around the foot of it or in the vicinity like Mike. Sometimes, a few of them get bored and venture out and into the forest once night falls. Though maybe they’d have better taste to not eat a brat like you.”

 

Eren chuckles. “You haven’t called me a brat in a while.”

 

“Would you prefer ‘big brat?’ Since that’s what you are?” Levi replies with a smirk.

 

Eren sticks his tongue out at Levi, like he did as a kid.

 

“See?” Levi says pointedly.

 

"I..." Eren hesitates at first. "I like when you call me by name."

 

A heartbeat of silence.

 

"Hn," is all Levi says.

 

When they pass the pine tree where they had sat earlier, it is nearly dark. Levi clicks his tongue, muttering that they really should have got a move on earlier. Levi looks more relaxed now that they are no longer at the foot of mountain, at least, but his eyes remain alert.

 

Nothing meets them along the way though, and they reach their periodic meeting spot without incident.

 

The sun has nearly sunk past the horizon and the moon is already visible in the sky. Crickets have joined the cicada’s summer symphony.

 

It is the latest Eren has been out with Levi.

 

Eren has stopped to catch his breath, and he stares at Levi whose face is half hidden in shadow. The man is finally at ease, his eyes no longer darting around, and shoulders no longer tense.

 

Eren stares. And stares.

 

Levi, as if finally noticing, turns to look at Eren. He frowns at how quiet the boy is being.

 

“Eren?”

 

Levi stares back, his stony gray eyes and thin lips pulled in a set line. As always, they reveal nothing.

 

Eren remembers daydreams where he can kiss Levi, where he can lean his forehead against Levi's. Of a world where Levi would arch his neck up to kiss him. Where Levi would touch him like in his dreams at night. Where Eren could lift a hand to touch Levi's cheek if he wanted to. His hand twitches. Instead, Eren lets his eyes caress along the curve of Levi's cheek and down the pointed chin instead. In the fading sunlight, Eren thinks that Levi’s pale skin looks warm for once.

 

_He is beautiful._

 

“I want to see you, Levi. See you more.” Words spill, pouring out past Eren's lips before he stops to process them. Emotion chokes him, makes him pause.

 

Levi’s brow creases. It is a sign he does not quite get what Eren is saying. Levi is good at reading Eren, always has been. Eren, at the very least, has also gotten a _little_ better at reading the minute shifts in expression on Levi’s face over the years: An eye twitch means annoyance. A short, huff of breath when he is amused. A long sigh when frustrated. A slight upward tilt of the head when he is considering Eren.

 

Eren inhales a deep, shuddering breath.

 

“Autumn. Winter. Spring too.” Eren bites his bottom lip, worries it between his teeth, lets go. His hands curl into fists at his sides.

 

“Levi, when I finish school, I want to move here. I want to live here. By you. I want to be able to see you... Every day, every season.”

 

Levi’s jaw tightens. His eyes drops.

 

It is an expression Eren has never seen before.

 

Levi’s hooded gray eyes do not lift up to meet Eren’s wide eyes.

 

“You can’t.”

 

That is all Levi says, in a hushed voice. It is a mere whisper, one Eren barely hears over his own shallow breathing.

 

Eren opens his mouth.

 

He wants to protest. He wants to argue back. He wants to yell, but all the words jumble together, knotting together, blocking his throat and thudding heavily into the pit of his stomach and refusing to rise.

 

Levi still has not looked up.

 

" _Go home, Eren._ "

 

 

 

 

Eren wishes that summer had not ended that way.

 

He wishes he had not just ran away after hearing that, tears blinding him the rest of the way to his Uncle's house.

 

He should have spoken up.

 

He should have said what he had been inwardly screaming.

 

He should have stayed and see if Levi had more to say.

 

He should have heard Levi out and argued back -- Yelled and shouted out all his feelings without consciousness like he always does.

 

Eren wishes that had not been the last day of that summer.

 

Looking back, he thinks that might be the one regret he has.

 

Because a year would pass before he saw Levi again.

 

* * *

 

_Plucked stems of lavender carefully tied together. Pine needles sprinkled about, adding a soft, spicy scent. Dried and pressed hydrangea flowers, of white and yellow. A torn out page with Levi’s name written repeatedly on it._

_Eren inhales deeply, soaking in his favorite scent, the memories attached to each item, and the warm feelings that evoke a fond smile._

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hydrangea has multiple meanings in the language of flowers, including “arrogance” and “selfishness.” I took my own interpretation of that and how the flower grows in the rain. They are indeed pretty flowers, and they’re one of the few nice things about rainy season here, which I actually really hate. 
> 
> Most importantly, hydrangea can also mean “patient/persevering love.” 
> 
> Source: www.hanakotoba.name/archives/2005/09/post_8.html


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY HAVE INTERNET AGAIN. It’s been torture the past 2 weeks, starting the new job and adjusting with NO internet to run away to. ;_;

_-Present Day, 1 Year Later-_

 

The silvery cityscape -- skyscrapers that scratch the clouds and gray apartment complexes that block the blue sky -- gradually sinks away into golden fields and seas of green trees. The sight from his train window is familiar, one that Eren watches unravel every summer. It was something he looked forward to every year since the first time they met nine years ago.

 

A small backpack with nothing but a couple of changes of clothes occupy the seat next to Eren. He has never had to bring much with him in the summers. Eren absently runs his fingers over the small wooden box in his lap. Though he body is still as he stares at the window, his fingers twitch about nervously, clenching and unclenching around the sides of the box. He briefly lifts one of those hands to finger a torn off piece of paper that rests on top of the box. He brushes his fingertips over Levi’s name which is scrawled on it repeatedly. He turns it over, eyes glossing over the words copied down there. They were words to a poem and he had actually not noticed them on the back when he had first torn the page out.

 

_The continuous flow of the river_

_Never stops_

_And never remains the same--_

 

His mind races; a jumble of worries that crease his brows. He recalls the last time he saw Levi. More specifically, he remembers their last conversation. Eren’s chest tightens. He wants to talk to Levi and clear things up. The thing is, how would he even begin to broach the subject? He swallows against the heavy feeling in the bottom of his stomach. It as if a rock had fallen there and it has been stuck there since last year, lingering there and resurfacing whenever something reminds him of the way they had parted. The words still sting. The guilt still digs into his skin and makes him sink his nails into the pale wood of the box, like he is unconsciously doing now.

 

The train slowing and announcing their arrival makes Eren resurface from his brooding.

 

Eren steps off his train.

 

He is seventeen this year.

 

Eren heads straight to the forest after dropping off his belongings at his Uncle’s cottage. He and Erwin exchange a few words until the elder man waves the teenage boy off, aware of the boy’s eagerness to go to the forest. Erwin does not ask -- never has -- though he always smiles with a knowing twinkle in his blue eyes. Eren is grateful, because he honestly is not sure what he would have supplied as an answer.

 

Eren’s begins the trek to the forest. His hands are sweaty, but not only from the heat, but in nervousness. He repeatedly rubs his sweaty palms against his pants. His heart skips with trepidation.

 

No contact since that summer. No way of knowing if Levi is pissed off at him or not. No way of telling Levi he has not forgotten him. Has not forgotten their promise. After all, It is not like Levi has a phone and Eren can so easily call him. Even if he could, Eren is not sure he would have been brave enough to make that call.

 

He halts when he gets to the bottom of the hill. Eren stares at the stone steps, still covered in moss and looking just as worn down by time. He worries his bottom lip.

 

When he does climb this hill, what will he find there?

 

Eren has no idea what he is going to say to Levi. What will Levi even say to him? Will he be angry? Disappointed?

 

Worst of all, will Levi even be there?

 

Eren is shaking at this point, his whole body vibrating with the intensity of his thoughts.  

 

After all, what reason would Levi have to be there? Not just one summer, but a whole cycle of seasons had passed.

 

Levi would have no reason to still come here every day to wait for Eren.

 

That thought makes Eren’s breath stop short. He considers turning around and walking back. Walk away from it all and never turn back.

 

No.

 

 _No_. If it is indeed true that Levi is no longer there, Eren would have to see it for himself. He would seek that closure if is to be the case. He cannot run away. Not again.

 

Taking a deep breath, Eren takes that first step. And another.

 

With every step forward, his legs become more shaky. As he ascends, the anticipation grows even greater. His breaths are quick and shallow, labored and hoping. Halfway up the steps, the top of the worn wooden gates loom into view. Seven more steps left: still nothing. Not the top of a familiar raven head in sight. Eren begins to feel less optimistic and more anxious.

 

With a final grunt, Eren squeezes his eyes shut and forces himself to lunge up the last set of steps, feet falling by mere muscle memory alone.

 

He opens his eyes at the very top step.

 

Eren gasps, nearly choking on his own shock.

 

For there, Levi is, sitting at the base of the gateway.

 

A sob rasps its way out of Eren’s throat.

 

He’s here.

 

Levi, still as a stone, sleeps with his back against one of the wooden pillars.  The dark green scarf Eren had given him is draped over his shoulders like a shawl. If not for his ebony hair fluttering in the wind, Eren would think Levi was a statue, turned to stone because he had been waiting all this time. Like something out of a fairytale.

 

_He is here._

 

A strangled noise leaks out from Eren, and he realizes tears are tracking down his cheeks. His knees shake, his lungs feel like they are collapsing. It as if the weight of his worries have finally been released, but do not know where to escape to. He stumbles forward towards the slumbering man, crumbling to his knees right in front of Levi.

 

“Levi,” Eren croaks.

 

The other does not stir.

 

“Levi,” Pleads Eren, leaning forward and pressing his hands down into the earth to ground himself. His fingers curl into soil. His eyes zone in on the rising and falling of Levi’s chest. He is alive. He is here. Eren’s lips wobble, and he is not sure if it is because he wants to smile or if he wants to cry harder.

 

“I’m here,” Eren says, voice cracking.

 

Then, those eyelids are twitching and dark lashes are fluttering, lifting to unveil those gray eyes. They are unfocused like a sky on a cloudy day, but then Levi is blinking repeatedly and clearing them. And then there it is -- That familiar sharp silver gaze, intent and cutting straight into Eren’s soul. For a fraction of a second, Levi’s eyes widen. It is but for a heartbeat, then Levi’s brows are knitting together.

 

“You’re late,” Is all Levi says before Eren can open his mouth.

 

Eren is dumbfounded. His mouth slacks open a little bit later. Relief washes over him, followed by disbelief, and then the shock leaves him, all in the span of a couple seconds.

 

Then, Eren is cracking up laughing, the last bit of tears he had been holding back streaking down his face. He laughs so hard that it hurts and he cannot breathe.

 

All the while, Levi stares at him with a raised brow. Then, with a huff, the older man stands. Eren unsteadily rises as well. He looks down at Levi tenderly.

 

Nothing has changed.

 

It is a funny thought, as if one year had not passed at all, but Eren smiles bitterly at that. So many summers had been spent looking up at Levi. When he was fifteen, he and Levi’s eyes were at the same level. The last summer they had been together, Eren had noticed their height difference much more. It is _very_ noticeable now.

 

Now, at seventeen, he has to look down to meet Levi’s eyes.

 

Levi whips around and begins walking into the forest, knowing Eren will follow him.

 

Eren smiles wistfully, although his chest still pangs with guilt.

 

His thoughts churn about as he follows Levi. Mentally too occupied, there is nothing but the sound of rustling grass and their own breathing around them.

 

Why is Levi not asking him anything?

 

Why is Levi not pissed off at him?

 

Hell, Eren would take a good whack with a tree branch because he feels like he deserves it --

 

“OUCH!” Eren yelps. Levi withdraws a large stick he had just jabbed into Eren’s stomach. It is as if Levi had heard his thoughts. Eren hunches over to clutch his abused tummy, curling into himself and glaring up at the smaller man.

 

Levi twirls the hefty tree branch in his hand.

 

“What? I was just checking to make sure you’re real,” Levi explains in a matter-of-fact tone, as if it is perfectly normal to ram a stick into someone’s side.

 

“Did I meet your expectations?” Eren grumbles.

 

A little amused snort, and Levi’s mouth curves up into a small grin. “I don’t know, maybe I should double check.”

 

Eren whines at that and hops back, hands raised defensively.

 

It is a little too reminiscent of their first meeting. The familiarity of the action feels nostalgic.

 

Levi drops the stick, turns around, and continues to lead the way.

 

Eren trails along after him like a puppy with his tail between his legs. He is sure Levi is angry. There is a stiffness to the older man’s neck, and he is a quieter in a way that is unfamiliar to Eren. Levi has always been quiet, but it has always been that comfortable type of silence. This kind of silence makes the air thick with tension. Eren’s eyes roam over the back of Levi’s head and those tense shoulders.

 

A few more minutes pass in this way, until it seems even Levi gets fed up with it. He stops, making Eren abruptly halt as well. Levi’s shoulders visibly sag. With a long, drawn out sigh, he looses the long scarf from his shoulders. He curls one end around his hand, then taking the other end, he turns his head back to Eren, silently lifting his arm and offering the young man to take the other end. Levi says nothing, but his unflinching gaze beckons Eren to accept it.

 

Eren takes a step closer to Levi. He hesitates. Levi still waits, hand outstretched. Eren’s lips wobble in worry, but he forces him to smile. He strides forward and clasps the other end of the scarf. Levi gives a nod of approval, and then they both continue along, side by side instead of one behind the other.

 

Eren sighs, feeling a little comforted by the gesture. It makes him breathe a little easier. Levi is not rejecting him, but accepting him back by his side.

 

Eren recognizes the way they take. It is the way to the river, and when they draw nearer to it, the sound of the rushing water is comforting. Eren remembers the first time Levi took him there. He recalls meeting Hanji there, fishing trips, or simply sticking their feet in and enjoying each others’ presence.

 

When they reach the river bank, Levi is the first to sit down. He tugs the scarf gently, taking it back and rewrapping it around himself to prevent it from getting wet. Levi removes his shoes and socks, neatly folds his pants up to his knees and dips his legs into the water. Eren carefully sits down by Levi, but keeps about half an arm’s length between them, still unsure. He sits cross-legged and toys with his shoelaces. He does not know where to begin to start. Levi, however, does that for him.

 

“You’re a whole year late, you shitty brat.” Levi grunts.

 

Eren slouches, the guilt rearing up and clamping itself around him again.

 

“M’sorry.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I’m sorry!” Eren says and winces at the strain in his tone. He draws his knees to chest, wrapping his arms around them.

 

“But you know, I-I really meant it. I want to be with you. Summers aren’t enough anymore!” Eren babbles on, unable to stop now that he had begun rambling. In the back of his mind, he also thinks it is because he is scared what Levi’s response may be if he pauses.

 

“I want to see you every day. I’ve been feeling horrible since last summer, and god, it’s shit; not like I have a good damn reason for it either, but it was exams and applying for university, so I had to stay home that summer and I know you said that we can’t be together--”

 

“That’s not what I said, Eren.”

 

“And I -- What?”

 

“That’s not what I said, then, Eren,” Levi repeats. Eren’s head shoots up, and he searches Levi’s face incredulously.

 

“But, you said… When I said that I want to live here with you, you said--”

 

“I said, ‘You can’t,’ Eren, but you never let me finish. And it’s true. You have a full life ahead of you. Me? I’m a spirit stuck in this forest for eternity. I can’t leave it. You grow up, while I will remain here, unchanging, not moving forward…” Levi breaks off suddenly, and Eren’s lips part in surprise, because he thinks this is the first time he has heard Levi’s stop short, emotion getting the better of him.

 

Levi’s eyes narrow, the corners crinkling with strain.

 

“I can’t hold you back. I don’t want to be the one to hold you back. There’s a whole world out there to explore. I can read about it in Hanji’s books, but I can never see them -- Sprawling cities, the ocean, deserts -- Eren, how can I hold you back from seeing everything the world has to offer?”

 

Eren’s jaw has dropped fully, but words will not come out of his mouth. His nose and eyes itch with brimming tears again. His chest burns because Levi, Levi, who has always cared for him, is being so self-sacrificing and how could Eren have been so selfish and goddamned stupid?

 

“That’s… That’s why at that time, you said that...” Eren eventually whispers out.

 

Levi turns his head to face Eren straight on.

 

“Eren, you once said to me, ‘It’s okay to be selfish sometimes,’” Levi pauses to take a steadying breath. Eren nods, reconfirming Levi’s words.

 

Levi continues, “And I could be. I could be selfish and tell you, yes, stay here with me. But I’m also selfish in that I don’t want the guilt of keeping you here with me.”

 

Eren is clenching his teeth at this point, silently crying, his fingers digging so deep into the dirt. They have leaned closer to each other at this point.

 

Levi continues, “I get to see the outside world through you.”

 

Eren blinks at that.

 

“But, Hanji--”

 

Levi shakes his head. “That’s different. Hanji is a spirit, so she sees it through the perspective of a spirit. A human-obsessed spirit, anyway. You’re a human.” Levi pauses, closing his eyes for a second. When he opens the again, he looks at Eren.

 

“You’re my window to the outside world. If I keep you here with me, I lose that. Maybe I’m being damned selfish in that way too.”

 

Levi releases a dry laugh. “In the end, what do I really want? I don’t even know.” He smiles bitterly.

 

Eren wipes his eyes and nose with his sleeve. He takes shuddering breaths to calm himself.

 

Levi is smiling so gently, a tender look in his eyes that Eren is unused to.

 

“I think the outside world must be beautiful place,” Levi says.

 

Eren forgets about crying then. His face bursts with heat, a blush exploding on his face.

 

At that moment, that piece of poetry surfaces in his mind.

 

“Hey, Levi… Remember the notebooks in Hanji’s place? There was something that caught my attention…” Eren says. Levi frowns in confusion and regards Eren questioningly. Eren explains the slip of paper he had taken from the notebook in Hanji’s cave, and the poem that had been copied onto the back of the page by Levi. Levi replies he had copied down many poems, so he is not sure which one. Eren then begins to recite the poem to Levi, having memorized at least the first few lines, after reading it so many times and pondering its meaning.

 

_The continuous flow of the river_

_Never stops_

_And never remains the same_

 

Eren frowns, only remembering that far. Levi’s eyes have lit up in recognition, though. He finishes reciting the rest.

 

_Where the water meets_

_Bubbles form_

_Bubbles disappear_

_Never lasting for quite long_

_People of this world_

_Are much the same_

 

“I think I understand that poem now, Levi.” Eren says suddenly.

 

“Do you now,” Levi says, his voice low. It is rhetorical, and Eren meets those stormy eyes, piercing as they always have been.

 

Eren is happy they made that promise years ago, that in moments when they are alone like this, Levi does not wear his mask.

 

“‘Never lasting for quite long, people of this world are much the same.’ It means things may look the same as before, but it’s an illusion. Things are constantly changing, right?” Eren asks.

 

“Not bad. You’re not as dumb as you look, huh?” Levi says, his sarcastic humor lightening his tone and the atmosphere a little bit.

 

“Hey!” Eren protests, but in no way hurt. “I actually like my classical literature class. P.E. is my favorite though. I’m in the soccer club, you know.”

 

“But you know, Eren,” Levi interrupts, “There’s another meaning. The ephemerality of life -- Because things don’t last, they’re more beautiful. You appreciate them more at that moment.”

 

Eren is silent for a minute, before he takes a shuddering breath and the words tumble out of his mouth:

 

“I’m sorry about breaking our promise.”

 

“It’s not your fault,” Levi says, lowering his gaze.

 

“But--”

 

“You said it was for stupid reasons. And it’s not. You have a life ahead of you, and it was for the sake of that future. Eren, you living your life is not a stupid reason.”

 

“But--”

 

“No. Eren, you’re not going to be a choice that I regret,” Levi says with finality.

 

Eren sighs. He knows he cannot argue with Levi at this point anymore.

 

Eren removes his socks and shoes. Levi lets out a “tch,” when Eren just tosses his socks down, making the teenage boy roll his eyes, but Eren picks them up and folds them neatly before placing them down again.

 

Eren sighs contentedly when he sinks his feet, ankle deep, into the river water. He stares at the water that curls around his leg and continues on. The water is so clear, he can see the round smooth rocks on the riverbed that slip under his feet.

 

“Does that make you an illusion then, Levi?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“The poem. ‘Things are constantly changing. Though they look the same, they’re not. It’s an illusion.’ Are you, Levi, an illusion, then?”

 

Their gazes meet, and Eren notes the distant look in Levi’s stormy eyes.

 

“I’m here, aren’t I?” Levi finally responds after what feels like an eternity.

 

And Eren’s lips part at that. His hand twitches, wishing to feel the weight and reality of Levi, who is sitting next to him -- So close he can feel the warm breath of the other every time he speaks.

 

But then Levi is tilting his head. There is the rare upturning of his lips, but only in the slightest. It is only ever in the slightest.

 

“Or are you implying that I’m beautiful?” Levi teases.

 

Eren’s face burns even more red at that. He eases a little away from Levi, realizing just how close they had been sitting.

 

“Anyway, isn’t it too hot to be wearing that?” Eren says, swiftly changing the subject. He points to the large, forest green scarf turned shawl that is draped over Levi’s shoulders.

 

“Though you gave it to me that one winter, it has its use in summer sometimes too,” Levi says, lifting up the ends of the scarf to partially pull it over his head, shading his eyes. As an afterthought, he quips, “I guess you can be useful sometimes.” The response draws an unintentional laugh from Eren.

 

Eren does not like how the cloth hides Levi’s face from him. He lifts his arm, moving it slowly, wanting to make sure he does not surprise Levi.

 

He lets the very tips of his fingers clasp the edge of the scarf, lifting them from Levi’s eyes.

 

Levi slides his gaze up to Eren. His cool, silvery eyes are questioning, asking without words.

 

Eren’s hand balls into a fist, then he drops it and lets the cloth slip back down to shade Levi’s face again.

 

“It’s nothing,” Eren whispers.

 

He just does not like it. He does not like it when Levi’s face is hidden from him. He does not like how his hands are curious to know what Levi feels like. This temptation is not something new to him. He remembers when it became a temptation, though now it is has calmed to a quiet simmering in the pit of his stomach that he does his best to push from his mind. Sometimes, though, it comes roaring back to life. Maybe he is still nothing but a selfish child.

 

“God, I wish I could touch you,” Eren says. Finally, he says it. Years of silently pining, and he finally says it.

 

Something imperceptible passes over Levi’s eyes.

 

“I’d let you, you know,” Levi whispers.

 

Eren gasps sharply.

 

Levi does not look away from Eren. He is unmoving, watching Eren.

 

And Eren’s heart flutters and lifts and soars. Because for Levi to trust him that much, to entrust himself to Eren like this -- Eren has never felt this emotion before, but it envelops him and he feels like a new warmth fills his entire chest cavity.

 

But Eren steels his arms beside him. He does not move them to wrap them around Levi like he wants to.

 

“I’m not giving up being able to be beside you. Not for a couple seconds to touch you,” Eren says with resolution. “I don’t want to make a choice I’ll regret.”

 

It is Levi’s turn to laugh, having had his words thrown back at him.

 

Levi leans in, dangerously close.

 

“And if you could touch me?”

 

Eren’s heart hammers wildly. He feels like he is under a spotlight with Levi so close that their breaths mingle. Eren cannot stop how his eyes dart down to Levi’s lips.

 

“I-I’d want to know what it would feel like to kiss you,” Eren stumbles around his words. “To… To hug you. Hold you against me.”

 

Eren subtly inhales. He breathes in Levi, because that is what this proximity offers him: Levi, the scent of pines, the moist, warm breath washing over his own lips.

 

And then, Levi is drawing back, setting a safe distance between them again.

 

A smile plays on Levi’s lips.

 

“Eren, do you trust me?”

 

“Yes. Of course,” Eren immediately replies without hesitation.

 

“Come back tonight. There’s something I want to show you.”

 

\--

 

Eren had had no idea what to expect when he returned that evening to the forest.

 

He was nervous, but not in the way he had been earlier.

 

It is his first time in the forest after sundown, but he is not nervous for that reason either.

 

Though the forest is blanketed in darkness, he had been choosy about his clothing before heading out. He had picked out his favorite pair of dark jeans, usually too hot for the middle of the day in summer, but not too uncomfortable in the evening. Over that, he pulled on a black three-quarters sleeve shirt that is not tight, but nonetheless drapes over him nicely, emphasizing his slim but lightly muscled body.

 

“Didn’t you say the forest is dangerous at night?” Eren had inquired.

 

“Though it’s many summers ago, I said I’d protect you. That still holds true now,” Levi had replied.

 

Eren was glad for the darkness because he blushed at those words.

 

“Now, come,” Levi says. He waves Eren to come beside him. Eren watches Levi unravel his scarf and knot it around Eren’s wrist and then his own.

 

The forest looks entirely different at night, when there is nothing but the moonlight and Levi to guide Eren.

 

Eren had thought he would be taken to another new place. However, the pond with the waterfall is where Levi brings him.

 

It is nowhere near anything Eren had expected though, because that night, it is like a completely other world.

 

Eren gasps so loudly in utter wonder at the countless fireflies floating above the pond like stars. They move about in languid circles, their little lights flashing on and off together at the same time. Eren has never seen anything like this in his life and he has never been in such awe of nature and its beauty.

 

Levi is silent beside him, as if knowing Eren wants that moment to absorb it all in. Eren feels like he is one among the stars. He tentatively lifts a hand as a pair of fireflies wander over towards them. One comes near enough for Eren to catch it, and he carefully cups it in his palms.

 

“Levi, look,” He whispers, as if afraid to break the moment by speaking too loudly. He more so feels than hears Levi shift closer to him. The firefly sits in Eren’s hands, its little light pulsating like a heartbeat. It crawls in a half circle around Eren’s palm, then it is lifting off and returning to the night air.

 

“Levi, they’re beautiful. This… This is amazing.”

 

“Rainy season was late again this year too. The fireflies come out towards the end of it, but it’s been ages since they’ve come out in this large amount. In fact, it’s quite unusual,” Levi says, his voice just above a whisper.

 

“I’m glad I got the chance to see this with you, then. Thank you, Levi, for taking me here.” Eren lifts his arm that is not tied to Levi’s and watches the fireflies dance around them.

 

“Let’s sit for a while,” Levi suggests, pulling lightly on the scarf. Eren nods, though it cannot be seen in this darkness.

 

Though he cannot really see Levi, there is something really intimate about this moment. When fireflies come close enough, they light up little bits of Levi: A hand, a corner of his face, or a part of the scarf connecting them. In contrast to earlier today, Eren feel like he does not need to say anything to fill the silence.

 

There is, however, something Eren has to say.

 

"I won't break my promise again."

 

"And I trust that you will keep your word."

 

There is a firmness to Levi's tone that makes Eren want to do everything in his power to make sure that he really will never miss a summer with Levi again. At the same time, the sheer willingness of Levi to believe Eren, even after what happened -- Eren can hardly believe it. He revels in the moment and admires how Levi can make him feel at ease with so few words.

 

Eren feels as if fireflies have entered his stomach. He feels like a buzzing sensation is thrumming within him. It is an entirely new feeling and he cannot find the word to describe it.

 

Eren's cheeks heat up suddenly. Could this possibly be...

 

"This feels like a date," Eren mutters without thinking. Not that he has much experience with dating.

 

He hears a little movement next to him.

 

"Maybe it is a date," Levi softly says back.

 

Eren's eyes widen. He turns himself fully around so his whole body faces Levi. Is he hearing this correctly? His face and ears are hot now. He gulps. He needs to confirm this.

 

Digging in his pocket, Eren pulls out his phone, flicking it on and mumbling, “Sorry, I know it’s going to ruin the moment,” but he needs to see Levi’s face. Eren has never had a more burning need to see Levi's face. He needs to know this is real. This feeling may be on par, or even stronger, than when Levi still wore his mask around him and he wanted to take it off.

 

The flashlight app on his phone finally glares on under his fumbling thumbs. The phone clatters down besides his leg, but Eren does not care.

 

The two are highlighted by the small halo of light emitted from the phone. Levi has twisted his torso around to face Eren as well and is even smiling. Eren would even dare say that the smile on Levi's face is... Affectionate.

 

Levi huffs out his signature rough laugh.

 

"Even in this little light, I can tell you're red. Even up to your ears,” Levi muses.

 

Eren purses his lips, quipping out an embarrassed, "Shut up."

 

But he glances up at those eyes that are staring at him fondly, and he warms under their attention.

 

Levi looks away, reaching for something and the mask comes into view, held gently between Levi's hands.

 

Sometimes, Eren completely forgets about it because Levi does not wear it around him.

 

However, what happened next would become Eren’s strongest memory of that mask.

 

Levi lifts the mask and gently places it over Eren's face.

 

Eren blinks, his lashes brushing the opening of the mask's eyeholes. He refocuses and peers out at Levi through them. Levi's hands linger on the sides of his mask, but he has leaned back enough for him to be within Eren's line of sight.

 

Eren squirms in place, curious.

 

"What..."

 

"Stop wiggling around like your ass is itchy."

 

Eren does as told.

 

"Hold still," Levi says, returning to seriousness.

 

And then Eren feels the weight of Levi's hands over the mask more because Levi is leaning in, his face looming in to close the distance between them.

 

"Levi," Eren gasps.

 

Eren's heart skips, his breath catches, because he is pretty sure Levi is kissing him on the forehead over the mask. Levi withdraws a little bit. And then Levi leans in again. And again.

 

Eren is hyper aware of where the weight settles. A kiss to the brow. Another to his cheek. The tip of the nose. Then finally to the lips of the mask.

 

And Eren closes his eyes. Fireflies under his own eyelids flit about; the thrumming sensation in him rises to a peak. But what Eren hears the most is Levi's breathing against the other side of the mask. It is so loud at this proximity and the breaths are more stuttered than he expects of Levi. With every little withdrawal, he hears the subtle sound of those moist lips parting.

 

When Levi finally pulls back, Eren is out of breath, not realizing how shallowly he had been breathing just now. He pops off the mask with is own hands, needing to see Levi. Levi is smiling up at him so tenderly.

 

Eren smiles back.

 

No more words are needed.

 

The trust between them and the truth that they are there beside each other, needs no more confirmation.

 

He turns off the light, enveloping them in darkness and the glow of fireflies once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I work later hours with my new job and quite frankly, I'm still adjusting to it and have been coming home every day feeling exhausted. Apologies ahead of time if this slows down updates.


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and love ♥ I continue to be amazed by the reception for this story/how you've all stuck with me. It's getting harder, even for me, to write this as we get closer to the end because I'm so damn attached to Eren and Levi. T_T 
> 
> Warning: Bumped up to M rating again, but only for the very beginning of this chapter.

Two days later, Eren is still consumed by a delightful buzzing that warms his belly and makes his cheeks glow pink. Eyes still half-lidded with sleep, he flits back and forth between the reality of his room and his dream-like memory of fireflies and indirect kisses.  

 

Eren’s lips part of their own accord and he absently caresses the ring and middle finger of his right hand along his bottom lip. He tries to imagine what actually kissing Levi would feel like. His vision wavers and he blinks sleepily, eventually closing his eyes and succumbing to a fuzzy daydream.

 

He has never kissed anyone before, so he has nothing to go by except what he has seen in movies, but he imagines Levi’s mouth would be firm against his own. Eren licks his lips. Would Levi’s lips be dry or would they be moist? Would they be warm or cool?

 

Eren whines, his imagination nowhere near sufficient. His fingertips have slipped from his mouth down his throat, between collarbones, then sweeping back up to his neck, caressing over it and imagining it is Levi grabbing hold and pulling him down to his level. His other hand rubs over his chest impatiently, alternatively grabbing at his t-shirt in a tight fist. The buzzing in his stomach has spread and deepened, shifting into a pulsing sensation that demands attention.

 

“Levi,” Eren rasps, and somehow the husky way he says it conjures up sharper images of Levi -- the memory of his face leaning in so close to his as seen through the mask: gray eyes, thin lips, and silky black hair -- And this makes him squirm and turn over, squeaking when his lower half rubs down into his bed. Until now, he had not realized he had become half hard, and the rough sensation of blankets and his boxers against his sensitive flesh makes him jolt.

 

And then, goddamn his imagination, because that little burst of pleasure is like a trigger, for his mind is diving back to the memory of Levi swimming. Pale flesh, toned limbs, and a fit upper body makes Eren’s mouth water. He squeezes his eyes shut even tighter, beginning to slowly rut into the bed. His hormone-driven mind supplies an idea of what Levi would look like naked.

 

Eren grunts and bites his pillow, muffling the squeaking noises that escape him. Now, his imagination has gone on overdrive, supplying a vision of Levi completely bare and lying back in the lavender field, arms and legs spread lazily, his creamy flesh covered in scattered purple petals.

 

Nervously, Eren slides a hand over his belly and down the front of his underwear. Levi can never touch Eren, nor vice versa, and as Eren begins slowly stroking himself, he thinks about what Levi would look like touching his own body for Eren. This makes Eren so restless and hot and he strokes harder and writhes about on the bed, gasping desperately. He gets lost in the vision of Levi’s body arching and green leaves and purple petals fluttering away and off his skin. Wave upon wave of pleasure crash over Eren's body, and he wishes he could feel this with Levi and--

 

And Eren gasps awake, jerking up into a sitting position. He gasps hard for air, his heart thundering. He feels the wetness in his underwear before he sees the moist stain against it. Eren wrinkles his nose at the sticky feeling and forces himself to get out of bed, still blinded by the sands of sleep. Pieces of his wet dream come back to him, but flutter away just as quickly as they appear. He knows they have to do with Levi, though, and that this particular burning feeling had started after Levi had kissed them on their firefly date. Eren blushes and picks up a change of clothes, hurrying to the bathroom to clean himself up and get ready for the day.

 

\--

 

Eren shuffles into the kitchen, brain still muddled in a half-awake state. He concentrates on walking in a straight line to the kitchen, only to discover it to be quieter than usual. He pads into the dining room right after, surprised that Erwin is not seated at the table with his usual coffee and manuscripts or newspaper at hand. A plate of scrambled eggs and toast wait for Eren though. A tall glass of orange juice is next to it, the ice cubes still solid, meaning it had been set out there not too long ago.

 

It is then that Eren hears chatter and the patter of footfalls coming from the front of the house. Eren crosses into the living room and towards the front door. The deep rumble of his uncle’s voice is closer now. The front door is open and Eren shoves his feet into the nearest slippers at the door before stepping outside.

 

Erwin stands on the bottom step of his porch, chatting with a couple. Eren does not know who they are, but he remembers having seen them in passing around the small town before.

 

“Hannah and I have decided to open up a food booth,” The tall, skinny man with a buzzcut says.

 

Hannah, the freckled brunette next to him nods, “And my cousin’s family who run the woodshop will be making the wooden lanterns.”

 

“That’ll be a good promotion for the family business, then,” Erwin comments.

 

“Uncle?” Eren asks.

 

Erwin turns his head to look over his shoulder at Eren, the couple also looking up.

 

“Ah, good morning, Eren,” Erwin greets.

 

Eren’s attention flicks up to the street, brows rising. There are more people walking about on the streets today, and more cars as well. He pretty much never sees a single car when he heads out to meet Levi in the morning.

 

“It’s been years, but the town is preparing for a festival,” Erwin provides as explanation.

 

“Festival?” Eren repeats. “So suddenly?”

 

Erwin nods, “Hmm, yes. It’s been nearly twenty years since the last one, actually. When it rains so late in the summer like this, the village holds a special festival in the mountain.”

 

The woman nods. “I’m Hannah, by the way. And this is my husband, Franz. You must be Eren! We’ve heard about you from Erwin.”

 

Eren nods and says a soft, “Nice to meet you.”

 

“Call it an old tale or an old superstition,” Hannah continues, “But this festival is for the mountain god. It’s held whenever there is a year that it rains so much that the fireflies come out in hordes, like they have this year. Ah, have you seen them, by the way?”

 

Eren nods once and fights back a blush.

 

“Anyway, a long time ago, the old folk believed the fireflies were messengers sent down from the mountain god. In order to keep the mountain god happy and the seasons in order for favorable crops, the villagers would hold a festival to keep him happy.”

 

Franz interrupts with a chuckle, “Though these days, it’s more of an excuse for kids like our son to run amok in the mountain with permission.”

 

Eren turns to his Uncle. “Do you go up the mountain as well?”

 

“Well, it’s been a tradition that every household here places a lantern up the mountain to make a trail to light the way up.” Erwin pauses to smile. It is a soft, nostalgic smile and for a brief moment, Eren sees Erwin’s eyes go distant. “For old times’ sake, I am thinking of going, since it’s been years since I’ve made that trek.”

 

“When is the festival?” Eren inquires.

 

Hannah taps a finger to her chin. “Well, preparations have only started today, but everything should be ready by tomorrow evening!”

 

“Hmm,” Erwin hums and nods thoughtfully, “I’ll make my visit today then. Eren, if you like, we can make our lanterns together.”

 

“Eh?” Eren blurts out in surprise, “But I don’t live here…”

 

Erwin smiles again. “You have your own home here as well, though, right?”

 

Eren casts his gaze down, smiling fondly to himself.

 

“...Yeah.”

 

\--

 

Eren’s meeting with Levi is shorter that day, but he leaves with the promise to return in the evening.

 

“How about we meet at the pond with the fireflies?” Levi asked.

 

Eren stuttered and blushed and thought it unfair how straightforward and _not_ flustered Levi had asked him.

 

“Y-Yeah, sounds good,” Eren stammered out eventually. The corner of Levi’s mouth twitched up in a brief and knowing smirk. Then he shoved the mask on Eren’s face and flicked him on the forehead before dismissing him.

 

“Levi!” Eren had whined, but then he yanked the mask off his own face and pushed it back on Levi. He took a deep breath and leaned in to smash his lips into an awkward kiss to the mask’s forehead (harshly bumping his nose in the process), before he whipped around and scampered away.

 

Now, with his Uncle at the kitchen table, Eren and Erwin work on making their paper lanterns for the festival. The table is covered in newspaper for precaution, though Eren’s side is far messier than Erwin’s, and he had not even done much yet. Eren pauses to rub his nose, then looks over at Erwin’s lamp.

 

 

Erwin’s is nearly completed, and now he is delicately painting something on it in black ink. Eren watches as black lines thicken and join together, eventually becoming a flock of birds that fill the top right corner of the lamp. As Erwin continues, he draws the birds larger and larger across the paper screen, so that the final one in the bottom left corner is the largest, indicating it is the one closest to the viewer. Erwin cleans his brush and swaps his blank ink for white paint, sprinkling white feathers on the last raven.

 

Eren's eyes light up in recognition.

 

“Uncle… That painting in the living room… Was it you who drew it?”

 

Erwin pulls himself away from his lantern that he had been hunched over. His brows that had been pulled in concentration finally relax.

 

“Ah, yes, though it was quite a long time ago,” Erwin replies and says nothing more than that.

 

The white and black feathered bird on the lantern is very similar to the black and white winged raven painting that is on the living room wall, above the fireplace. The strokes are gentle, but confident on both.

 

Erwin tilts his head to the side, assessing Eren’s work.

 

“And how about you Eren? What are you painting on yours?”

 

Eren releases a long sigh.

 

“I dunno yet. What made you draw yours, Uncle?”

 

“Memories,” Erwin replies. “These are lanterns that are supposed to be offered to the mountain god, right? So what I painted is what I associate with the forest.”

 

Eren pauses. He knows he is not very good at art. He turns over the lamp in his hand. The paper material is white, seemingly endless in its blankness.

 

“Do we have more colors, Uncle?” Eren suddenly asks.

 

Erwin disappears and returns with more paints for Eren.

 

Eren assesses all his options, which range from plain black to the most vibrant yellow. He picks up his brush.

 

He covers a vast majority of the white canvas in a lush, grassy green. Followed by streaks of dark blue. Flecks of the palest blue. Thick, short lines of purple mixed with white to make lavender. Tiny little triangles of white like hydrangea petals. Lastly, Eren lets his brush plop down to make light yellow spots scattered here and there like fireflies.

 

When Eren finally pulls away, paint streaked across his hands and spotted across his cheeks, he feels it is complete. He grins and shows his Uncle, who had gone into the kitchen to make tea and some sandwiches for an early dinner, before they head out to the forest.

 

“What do you think?” Eren asks.

 

Erwin smiles down at the younger boy’s handiwork.

 

“It’s vibrant. Very you.”

 

Eren grins at those words. He wonders what Levi would think of it.

 

“Now go wash up so we can eat. Your face has almost as much paint as your lantern.”

 

Eren nods and decides a shower is in order. When he glances out the window on his way down the hallway, the low, golden light filtering in indicates it is approaching sunset. He hurries along, making sure to grab a fresh change of clothes on the way.

 

After eating their sandwiches and making sure their lanterns are finished and intact, Erwin and Eren set out for the forest. Eren gently cradles the lamp in both hands. He tilts his head back to look at the moon, completely visible on this cloudless, dark night. The stars spread across the sky are bright and clear, unlike in the city. Eren returns his line of sight to the ground, eyes attracted to the lanterns that glow gently from the forest.

 

They pass a few people along the way who are returning from placing their lamps. He and Erwin give polite nods and “hello’s” as they go along. At the forest’s beginning, a pathway has already formed: Lanterns of multiple shapes and height, expertly done ones to ones displaying the creativity that only kids could come up with. These lanterns are placed one after another in two lines, forming a pathway between them.

 

Eren recognizes this path as the one he always takes to see Levi, and he is surprised already at the number of lanterns placed. With how spread out and quiet the town is, one would not think that this many people live here, but it becomes evident now how many families call this rural place home. They walk over the mossy stone steps and through the archway, the path formed by the lanterns curving along through the forest wherever they could be placed one after another.

 

“Looks like we’re almost at the end of the line,” Erwin says. Eren looks up, so busy checking out the lanterns and all the designs that they pass. He gasps when he realizes where the lit path has led them. The lanterns have made a trail that reaches the pond, before beginning to taper away from it. The end of it is still in the clearing, just before the treeline starts again.

 

Eren had not even noticed the sound of water, too occupied with studying the lamps.

 

“Let’s light our lamps,” Erwin says. The elder man walks to the last pair of lanterns and squats down. He pulls out a pair of candles and a lighter from his back pocket. He lights one candle and places it in his own lantern, then lights the second one and holds it out for Eren to take. Eren makes sure to hold it securely in both hands before he sets it inside his own lamp. The candle flickers and dances about in the lantern. His Uncle stands and heads to the pond’s edge. Eren follows soon after.

 

“Ah, I haven’t gone this deep into the forest since I was a teenager, probably,” Erwin says aloud. The pair are quiet and soak in the view of fireflies over the pond.

 

A soft rustling of grass makes Eren look up. Levi stands not a few feet away from them, hands in his pockets. His stance is casual, but Eren hears the hitched way Levi gasps. It is loud, or at least, loud enough that anyone in their proximity could here. Eren snaps his head back around to Erwin. There is no change in his wistful expression, as he continues to look out over the water.

 

Levi takes a step forward in trepidation, then another, and then he is striding forward until he has joined Eren’s other side. Eren stands between Erwin and Levi, doing his best to subtly look between the pair.

 

Levi’s eyes are wide and questioning as he stares at Erwin, and Eren himself is burning with a thousand questions at the glimmer of recognition in those gray eyes.

 

But then, it passes. Levi simpers and chuckles under his breath.

 

“I guess some things don’t change, hmm,” Levi says aloud.

 

Still, there is no movement or reaction from Erwin. It is evident that he cannot see or sense Levi.

 

Eren swallows. His hands tighten in fists by his side. He glances at Levi. He never wants to Levi, who he has made many memories with. Levi is his past, and his present. Eren looks over at Erwin again, who cannot see Levi, and says he has not seen spirits since he turned seventeen.

 

Eren wonders what his own future will be like.

 

“It’s been years,” Erwin says, now talking to himself more than to Eren, “But it’s still just as beautiful.”

 

Erwin turns his head down to smile at Eren.

 

“Enjoy the fireflies so long as they’re around. I’ll head on back ahead of you.”

 

“Oh. Um. Thanks,” Eren replies, not quite sure as to how to respond. He follows Erwin’s retreating figure until he can no longer see him. When he returns his attention to Levi, Levi is also staring after Erwin. A second later though, Levi is turning around completely to face Eren.

 

Eren is grateful for the soft light of the lanterns. He can see Levi completely in the soft, golden light, but without the harshness of the unnatural light of his phone, unlike last night. Shadows dance about Levi’s sharp features in a playful manner.

 

“Levi…” Eren begins. He pauses to swallow away his nervousness. “Do you… Do you know… My Uncle, Erwin?”

 

Levi raises his eyebrows.

 

“He’s your Uncle?”

 

Eren nods.

 

Levi snorts in amusement.

 

“Shitty brats need to stop losing themselves in the forest.”

 

That is all Levi offers in response. Eren wants to ask more, but Levi is reticent about it. However, it does not feel like Levi is avoiding it; not with the way Levi meets Eren’s gaze head-on. Call it selfish, but Eren is happy for it, and he does not want to talk about his Uncle at this moment. Eren searches his brain to break the silence.

 

“Wanna see my lantern?”

 

Levi lifts a fine brown, but his lips also twitch up in smirk. Eren mentally hits himself.

 

Levi nods and the two turn around to walk over to Eren’s lantern. Levi’s eyes wander over Erwin’s first, trailing over the flock of birds. Then, he is studying Eren’s, squatting down before it. Eren squats down also, across from Levi on the other side of the lamp.

 

“You do a shit job of painting,” Levi bluntly states.

 

Eren flushes. “Hey!”

 

“But,” Levi adds, “It’s one hundred percent you. Brash and bold. Doing as you please. And goddamned loud.”

 

Eren pouts at Levi.

 

Levi lifts both hands to hover it over the top of the lantern, where it is open.

 

“And it’s warm,” Levi utters quietly.

 

Eren slowly lifts his hands as well, to feel the heat emanating from the lantern.

 

A gentle heat gradually warms over his fingertips and down to his palms.

 

Eren grins, “Yes, it is. Very warm.”

 

Eren and Levi look up at the same time then. Their faces are way too close, but unlike before, Eren is oddly calm. The warm and quiet intimacy of the moment has taken him completely.

 

“Eren.”

 

“Yes?”

 

Eren licks his lips, so he feels Levi’s breaths even more when he speaks again.

 

“Come to the festival tomorrow night.”

 

Eren laughs. Levi’s questions never sound like questions, but instead, always sound like orders.

 

Not that Eren would ever say “no” to him.

 

“Yes. I’ll go with you tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been dreading writing this chapter, wondering how to transition it from the previous one to the next one. Long wait, but it’s a shorter chapter, sorry about that. I really respect you authors out there who regularly update. Work is still swamping me, but watching the Rurouni Kenshin movie yesterday filled me with life. My goal is to write the next two chapters together so there won't be as long of a wait in between them.


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 weeks, the longest wait by far, I'm really sorry. Longest chapter (nearly 20 pages), and it was one of the most difficult ones for me to write. But enough of the excuses, here it finally is.
> 
> * For those who might want to know, [this](http://imgur.com/TxjXDzT) is what I imagine Eren to be wearing this chapter, except for the shoes.

* * *

  

Erwin stands in front of his fireplace, a wistful smile gracing his lips as he stares up at the painting.

 

"Do you believe in second chances, old friend?"

 

Then, his eyes are drawn to that dusty jar on top of the fireplace, with its pair of black and white feathers. They seem brighter, aglow as if alive.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren stands at the foot of the hill, feet planted on stone steps whose moss patterns he knows far too well. Shrieking children and chatting couples pass him from time to time, but he does not hear them. The pounding of drums for the festival echoes in the distance, but to Eren, it is nothing but background noise -- a slow accompaniment to the rapid hammering of his heart against his ribcage. He purses his lips, sucks his lower lip between his teeth and worries the soft flesh, but then he remembers, Levi is waiting. He releases his lip and takes a deep breath. Eren fingers the sleeve on his left arm, absentmindedly rolling it down, then back up into place.

 

Eren had taken so much time choosing his outfit for the evening. He never brings many clothes with him when he stays at Erwin’s, let alone anything above casual standards, and this year had been no exception. Despite that limited wardrobe, it still had taken him a whole two hours to make his final decision. He probably tried each of his shirts twice, in different combinations with his pants. Levi had asked him to come to the festival with him… And for some reason that made it different from their daily outings.

 

In the end, he had decided on a button-up shirt. It was a pale slate blue that looked gray in certain lighting. Eren even took the extra time to iron it (something he pretty much never does; he is a teenager, after all). Underneath it, he wore a black tank top, the neckline peeking out from where the top two buttons of his shirt are left undone. The sleeves, he rolled up to his elbows. He picked out his cleanest pair of pants, which were a military green. He finalized his outfit with black sneakers.

_Tonight is different._

 

Eren can feel it. And it is not only because the usually tranquil forest is filled with the soft glow of lanterns and vibrant voices as people head up the mountain to celebrate. No, Eren thinks, closing his eyes and remembering when Levi had asked him to come to the festival with him. There was the weight of a promise in Levi’s silver eyes. Words left unspoken in the air between them.

 

Eren inhales the cool forest air to clear his senses. He opens his eyes and climbs the hill.

 

Levi stands at the top of the hill at attention. Eren smiles because Levi is dressed in his standard white button up shirt and dark pants, looking sharp as always, while Eren had struggled to figure out his best outfit earlier. Levi strides forward to meet Eren at the top step, and it is then that Eren sees that the older man has his scarf rolled and tucked under his arm.

 

Levi nods in greeting, and then removes the scarf from under his arm. He unwraps it and Eren is surprised when he sees not one, but two masks. One of them, Eren recognizes as the bird mask that Levi always wears, but the other is a coal gray one, with pointed ears that darken to black tips. The lower half where the mouth should be points out into a snout, but one that is too thick to be like a fox’s. Levi picks up his own mask and slips it on. The other mask, resting on the scarf atop Levi’s hands, stares back at Eren with large golden eyes.

 

“I prepared this one for you,” Levi says and raises the mask towards Eren.

 

“For me?” Eren asks. “Why? What for?”

 

“Don’t you pay attention? For this festival, everyone wears masks.”

 

Now that Eren thinks about it, everyone he had passed in town on their way to the forest had a mask on, or was carrying one to put on later.

 

“Yeah… Why is that?” Eren ponders aloud.

 

Levi snorts and the sound bounces off of the inside of his mask. Eren has become so accustomed to Levi talking to him without the bird mask on, that the sound is foreign to the younger boy’s ears.

 

“I sometimes wonder what you bother to keep inside that head of yours," Levi taunts. "Remember when I told you that it’s dangerous the farther up the mountain you go?”

 

Eren nods.

 

“The one exception is this festival, which occurs only ever few years. It’s the one time where spirits and humans peacefully mingle in such great numbers. Spirits even take on human guises.”

 

Eren laughs. “Hanji must love it then.”

 

“Hn,” Levi nods. “If you see a fox mask with ridiculous glasses drawn on them, you’ll know it’s her.”

 

Eren chuckles at the image that conjures up. He can just imagine an overexcited Hanji weaving in and out of a crowd of humans, poking her head into people’s business and babbling excitedly about everything.

 

Levi continues, “The masks allow everyone anonymity. Spirits can be among humans, taking the offerings that are placed on the mountain. Humans can walk around, without worry of the more distrustful spirits.”

 

“That’s right,” Eren mumbles aloud. “You said the more powerful spirits live higher in the mountain.”

 

Levi nods. “Yes, and they don’t trust humans as much, having seen from above how humans have changed the land. The masks disguise who is human and who is spirit, so they can’t just wildly attack anyone.”

 

Eren’s lips part as memories filter back to him.

 

“Why do you wear a mask?” Eren had asked, when they first met.

 

“If I wear this mask, I seem much less likely to be human, do I not?” Levi had replied.

 

And then Hanji’s story of how they had found Levi:

 

“We found him, abandoned in the forest in that tiny baby form you humans have when you are first born… He kept crying and crying, but none of us knew how to deal with a human child. He would surely have died…  But we made a deal with the mountain god for him to live. That was many, many human life cycles ago.”

 

A revelation hits Eren then, and a gentle sadness washes over him. Levi is neither human, nor spirit, stuck somewhere in between. He wonders if Levi had felt lonely, hidden behind that mask, cursed to stay in the mountain where he is not entirely like the spirits. At the same time, he cannot live among humans because of the constant risk of being touched, which would make him disappear. Levi has straddled this divide for so many lifetimes. He is one nor the other. Levi, at least, had found himself allies and friends like Hanji and Mike. And me, Eren thinks, and tries not to blush at that thought.

 

Eren refocuses on the mask being offered to him. A smile creeps on his face. He is pretty sure Levi is not one to easily give gifts, and he feels flattered that this one is especially for him.

 

The boy picks up the mask, turning it over in his hands, brushing his fingertips over the surface. Now that it is in his hands, he can tell it is not heavy and ivory like Levi’s, but carved from wood. He runs the pad of one thumb along a cheek, and he can feel the thin grooves dug into the wood of the mask, to give the illusion of it being fur.

 

“It is wolf,” Levi explains. “If you were a spirit, I imagine a wolf would be most fitting to you.”

 

Eren meets Levi’s eyes. Levi provides no further explanation. Eren grins and whispers a “Thank you.”

 

“Now put it on. And let’s go,” Levi says. Eren places the mask over his face. Without even asking, he reaches out and takes one end of Levi’s scarf to tug it so it is forced to unravel. Levi catches the other end of it before it hits the ground, and they hold it between them. Levi yanks on it to beckon Eren closer to him.

 

The pair walks side by side, following the lantern-lit path, occasionally discussing a lantern design here and there. They are careful and slow, and Eren savors the time, feeling no need to hurry. Whenever they hear voices approach, they pause, letting whomever it is pass. Unsure who is human or spirit, they take their precautions that Levi comes in bodily contact with no one, not even Eren himself.

 

The path curves and turns in the forest, eventually reaching the mountainside. Here, normal lanterns have been set up as well to light up the area, and there are food stalls and benches arranged. Eren tells Levi to wait at the edge of the tree line and out of range of human contact, before running off towards the stalls.

 

Eren peeks back constantly, always making sure he can see that ivory bird mask. Levi waits with arm crossed, leaning against a tree trunk. Assured that he is there, and will be there when he comes back, Eren worms his way in the crowd, popping up to the front of each stand to see what they offer. The assortment ranges from shaved ice and barbecue, to toy pinwheels and masks for those who do not have one yet.

 

Eventually, Eren stumbles across the couple he remembers Erwin talking to. It was not too difficult, even among all the masks, not when they had a sign called “Hannah & Franz Co.” Caramel-dipped apples and an assortment of chocolate-dipped fruits glisten enticingly, and there is even cotton candy, which makes Eren’s mouth water. Ever the sweet tooth and child at heart, Eren grabs a stick of cotton candy for himself, but knowing it would be too sweet for Levi, he chooses some meat and vegetable kebabs for the older man.

 

Eren trots back to Levi with both hands full, grinning from ear to ear. He shoves back his mask with the back of his hand, letting it rest atop his head.

 

“Here, eat!” Eren says, sticking out his purchases towards Levi.

 

“You’re always so happy about food,” Levi says, but lifts up his own mask as well. There is a glimmer of curiosity in his eyes though, at the cotton candy in Eren’s left hand.

 

“What is the cloud?” Levi inquires.

 

Eren laughs, finding the question innocently adorable. “It’s called ‘cotton candy!’ It’s made from sugar. I always loved this as a kid.” He holds it out in offering, for Levi to try.

 

“You still are a kid.”

 

“Shut up! I know you want some too.”

 

Levi cranes his neck up, leaning towards the cotton candy from one angle, but then tilts his head the other way to try for a different approach.

 

“…Where do I bite into it?” Levi asks, and Eren swears there is a faint dusting of red on the man’s cheeks.

 

“Anywhere!” Eren cheerfully replies. He moves the cotton candy forward with gusto… Unfortunately, at the same time Levi leans forward again to get a taste.

 

And Levi ends up with a face full of the pastel pink stuff on his face. Levi plucks off a chunk that had stuck on his nose and pops it into his mouth. His eyes widen when the sweet melts on his tongue.

 

“It disappeared,” Levi states so obviously, and though he tries to hide it, Eren detects the subdued wonder in his tone.

 

Eren grabs a handful and shoves it into his own mouth. “Yep, isn’t it great?’”

 

“Obviously, this food was made as child’s entertainment,” Levi scoffs, even as he pulls out another wisp of cotton candy for himself, at the same time taking the kebabs from Eren.

 

Eren cannot contain how widely he is smiling. He has never seen Levi this… Dare he say, cute?  He feels like he is on cloud nine right now; all blissful and carefree, and nothing else matters except that he is spending time with Levi and having fun. When Levi is pleased, that makes Eren happy. And Eren watches from the corner of his eye when Levi bites into a skewered red pepper and a chunk of chicken. After some careful chewing and a “Not bad,” Eren inwardly cheers at his successful choice.

 

They finish their light meal, do a little bit of people-watching from the safety of the trees, and then Levi tells him they ought to go on.

 

“We should continue on up the mountain to the mountain god’s shrine,” Levi says. Eren nods and sucks off cotton candy that had gotten stuck on his fingers. Levi wrinkles his nose at that, but Eren sticks his tongue out at him, to which Levi responds with an eye-roll, but tugs on the scarf between them. They pull their masks down again.

 

Eren and Levi make a wide, curving berth around the bustling crowd of masked humans and spirits, until they are on the lantern path again. They wait a bit to allow a group of masked teenagers pass, and then follow along several feet behind them.

 

The mountain is completely transformed for the festival. While it had looked dark and foreboding at night, now, with all the lamps decorating it, it is beautiful and inviting. The mountain path had been outfitted with more lanterns to light the way. There are painted lanterns on the ground, but also orange-colored lanterns that had been strung through the treetops on ropes, giving the forest an orange hue, like embers in a fireplace.

 

They go up the mountain a lot farther than Eren expects. He thought traveling to Hanji's cave had been far, but this surpasses. A good number of people give up along the way and turn back, but Levi says nothing and his silence insists that they do not stop. They even catch up to the group of teenagers that had ascended before them, finding them squatting around and lighting up fire sparklers.

 

The path gets less clear from there, becoming visibly thinner and filled with more loose stones. The number of lanterns has started decreasing again, and Eren blinks to let his eyes adjust to the darkening landscape.

 

The sloping path widens again and opens up to a plateau, one that is obviously flattened out by human hands. Eren sighs with relief, bending down and resting his hands on his knees to catch his breath. Even in this cool night air, he has become a little warm. He glances over at Levi, who in the faint lantern light, has a thin layer of sweat on his brow, but otherwise looks no worse for wear.

 

The two are alone on this plateau. It is so much quieter than the foot of the mountain with the milling crowd. The sound of people joyfully celebrating still filters up to them, but it is distant and muffled.

 

Eren then turns his attention to the structure on the plateau. It is a shrine, not massive, but not tiny either. It is made from the same gray stone as the steps that Eren climbs every day to meet Levi. No moss decorates these stones though, as if someone maintains them. Candles and incense sticks light up the shrine, placed around a statue carved into the form of a large crow. Only two painted lanterns stand at the foot of the shrine: To the left, one with ravens painted on it and Eren smiles at that. The one on the right has already gone out, and Eren cannot see its design.

 

Levi breaks the silence.

 

“Welcome to the shrine of the mountain god.”

 

Eren had expected a huge, grandiose, and elaborate shrine, not this humble, quiet little shrine hidden among the greenery in the mountainside. After all, it was this mountain god that had extended Levi’s life. This god had allowed Eren to meet Levi, so perhaps the boy had mentally elevated this mountain god to a lofty status. However, this was not to say that Eren was disappointed by the shrine. As Eren continues to ponder about this mountain god, he thinks that it is somehow fitting, that a god of the earth who cares for this lush forest and its creatures, would have such a homely and natural-looking shrine.

 

Eren claps his hands together in prayer and closes his eyes. He thanks the mountain god for bringing Levi into his life. He is thankful he got lost that one day and it was Levi that found him. Eren has to smother a chuckle at his own thoughts. When he pops his eyes open again, he finds Levi’s mask turned towards him. The boy tilts his head playfully. Then Levi also turns to face the shrine, offering up his own silent prayer. Levi then places a long black feather at the foot of the shrine, one that Eren had not noticed him carrying. Eren then recalls the feathered necklace that Levi had given him, and that he has on under his shirt.

 

Levi offers a deep bow to the shrine before turning around. Eren mimics him, then hops down the steps along after Levi, who had already started making his way down the pathway.

 

There is a little tugging on the scarf from Levi’s end, beckoning Eren to come along.

 

Eren clambers down to catch up to Levi’s side, until they are keeping the same pace again.

 

“What did you tell the mountain god?” Eren asks.

 

“I owe the mountain god my life, so I express my thanks, as I always do when this festival comes around. That’s all.”

 

“Ah, yeah,” Eren hums to himself. “I remember Hanji telling me how she found you and the mountain god saved your life.”

 

Levi grumbles, “Stupid fox talks too much.”

 

“I’m glad though,” Eren replies.

 

“That Hanji told you that story?” Levi sighs.

 

“Well, that too,” Eren replies.

 

“And what did you say to the mountain god?” Levi asks.

 

“Nooothing!” Eren teases in a singsong voice.

 

Levi’s mask face Eren’s, and Eren snickers, sure Levi is giving him a dry, exasperated look.

 

Eren stops walking, digging his heels into the ground, which forces Levi to halt as well. Abruptly, Eren leans over, cheekily bumping his mask into Levi’s.

 

“Fine. I thanked the mountain god for you,” Eren whispers.

 

Levi huffs in amusement, then bumps the beak of his mask into the side of Eren’s mask in retort.

 

Eren laughs, and he hopes Levi has that small, little smile of his underneath his own mask. Eren knows that was brave, no, stupid of him, to suddenly move close to Levi like that, mask or not, because they could accidentally touch. He expects Levi to pull away. Levi, however, does not. The foreheads of their masks bump together carefully. They are chuckling under their breaths now, the noses of their masks nudging at each other playfully.

 

Eren releases a long sigh. “I wish I could actually kiss you. I don't want tonight to end.”

 

The pair suddenly falls silent. Eren’s eyes widen at the words that had fallen out of his mouth before he thought about it. Embarrassment floods him and his cheeks are probably blazing, judging by how it feels like he is suffocating under his mask now.

 

He hears Levi inhale, then exhale, humming out a sound of agreement so softly, he nearly misses it.

 

“Mmn.”

 

Eren’s mind cranks slowly. If he thought he could not breathe under his mask now, he feels like he is choking for air now.

 

Eren is both embarrassed and elated, and wait, Levi had said nothing in response, but he did not say he _wouldn't_ want to kiss Eren either, and good god, he thinks his head is going to explode.

 

“Levi—“ Eren’s voice cracks and he takes in a shuddering breath. “Levi, I—“

 

“Levi!” A cheerful pair of voices chirps up, snapping Levi’s and Eren’s faces apart, startling them out of their moment.

 

Eren makes himself breathe and calm his heart. He grinds his teeth together, feeling a tad irritated, as if he was interrupted before something very important… Wait. What was he going to say, even?

 

Eren and Levi look down to see a pair of masked faces before them. One is a raccoon, the other a squirrel. In fact, Eren notes that the squirrel-masked one has a curled orange-brown tail poking out behind it, while the other has a white and black tail wagging behind him.

 

“Ah,” Levi says, recognition in his tone. “Petra. Auruo.”

 

“We haven’t seen you in forever!” The squirrel one pipes up.

 

Eren then comes to the conclusion that these must be forest spirits that Levi knows. They are tiny, and if Eren estimates based on their size, they would probably be five or six years old if they were humans.

 

Levi points first to the squirrel, who has short strawberry blonde neatly tucked behind her ears, “This is Petra,” and then to the other, who has curly, ashy blonde hair, “And this is Auruo.”

 

“Little brat spirits that used to follow me around.” Levi offers as explanation to Eren, who merely stands there in confusion.

 

Eren furrows his brows.

 

“But, tails?” He blurts out.

 

“Younger spirits have a harder time remaining in their human forms. When they’re at the practice age, like these pipsqueaks are, the tails are the hardest to conceal.” Levi cocks his head to the side at the little spirits. “And where are the others?”

 

“You mean Gunter and Erd?” Petra says. “They left us behind to raid the food stands! As for the other children spirits, they’re just wandering around about the mountain…”

 

“We were gon’ head up to the shrine,” Auruo says. “Those idiots, tch—augh!”

 

Eren starts at the choking sound that Auruo suddenly makes. His eyes widen when he sees blood trickle out from under the raccoon mask’s chin.

 

Petra groans. “Ugh, Auruo, did you bite your tongue, again? Come on, let’s go find you some mugwort for that.” She offers her hand out to Auruo, who does not seem displeased at all to take it.

 

Eren and Levi watch them skip away up the mountain path, then turn back to each other. Eren snickers and a little amused chuckle escapes Levi too.

 

“So kid spirits aren’t afraid of you, huh?” Eren asks when they start walking again.

 

“Hmm, more like they aren’t afraid to approach and befriend anyone, whether it's a big spirit or a human” Levi replies. “Though I guess I could say the same for certain kid humans.”

 

“Heh,” Eren grins, “I don’t know why though. Who would want to hang out with a grump like you?” He lifts his free hand to poke the side of Levi’s mask, which earns him a soft little punch back on the cheek of his own mask.

 

Eren relishes in this – Yes, tonight is different. He does not know if it is the mask, or the cheery atmosphere of the festival, but even Levi seems to be in a more playful mood.

 

When they are near the bottom of the mountain again with its crowds of people, Levi turns off the path, pulling Eren with him by the scarf. Eren says nothing, but he cannot help but be pleased, as they draw away from all eyes and chatter. This is the longest and latest he has stayed out with Levi, and as they were making their way down the mountain, he was thinking how it would all come to an end soon.

 

The light of lanterns fades behind them. Soon it is just them, the festival noises dimming until they hear nothing but the rustle of their feet along the grass.

 

The cooler night air reminds Eren that summer will end soon.

 

_Another year shall pass. Another year to wait._

 

The tiny, blinking light of a firefly wanders in front of Eren, distracting him from his thoughts.

 

Levi has stopped beside Eren. The shorter man’s mask is turned towards the firefly as well. Eren glances further along the trajectory of their path, and recognizes the pond with all its fireflies as not too far off.

 

Levi lifts his hand to the firefly, palm up. The firefly lazily circles Levi’s extended fingers. It lands on Levi's open palm, only to fly away again a minute later.

 

“Hey, Eren.”

 

Levi’s voice is soft, but the seriousness with which he calls Eren’s name stirs something within the boy, to lift his head and search Levi's face, even if it is masked.

 

“Levi?”

 

Levi heaves a long sigh. He then raises his mask, letting it rest on top of his head. Eren, feeling the gravity of the atmosphere, cannot help but lift his own mask too.

 

Levi meets Eren’s eyes. Eren lets his eyes wander along the pale face he has come to know and adore. The slightly creased brows, the thin lips that are often drawn in a straight line, the small nose with its slight upturn, and the gray eyes that never fail to see through him.

 

“Eren,” Levi begins again, unblinking. “I don’t think I can wait around for summers anymore.”

 

Eren’s eyes widen.

 

“Huh?” Is all that Eren can get out, whisper-soft.

 

Levi’s gaze falls. When he looks up again, there is a light… or shimmer in his eyes, Eren is not so sure. Eren feels more than sees Levi loop the scarf around his hand to draw the other closer to him. Levi slowly, tentatively, reaches for the mask atop Eren’s head. Eren, so lost as he stares back down at Levi with wide eyes, does not even laugh at how Levi has to rise up on tiptoe to do so.

 

Levi’s fingers fall atop Eren’s mask and pull it back over the younger man’s face. He then raises both hands, stroking along both sides of the mask. Levi carefully balances himself on tiptoes, and Eren is still as statue, letting Levi lean up.

 

Tonight is different.

 

Levi kisses the mask right above where Eren’s lips should be. Not to the forehead or to the cheek. One kiss, straight and lingering for but a couple seconds, then Levi is withdrawing.

 

Eren stares out through the eye holes of the mask. Levi smiles at him. It is a somber, but gentle smile, that lifts both corners of Levi’s lips.

 

Levi turns around and begins walking again, leading them to the pond.

 

Eren perks up when he hears the high-pitched laughter of children coming from behind them. He glances over his shoulder, to see three figures half-skipping, half-running in their direction. The first has a dog mask, the brunette behind him a cat one, and the last wears a mouse mask that is not pulled all the way down, only covering half of his face.

 

“Look, I can see some fireflies now!” One exclaims.

 

“See, I told you, it was this way!” One says with an all-knowing tone.

 

“Oh, you were right!” The last one agrees.

 

The kids hurtling towards Eren and Levi move to pass to the right of them. Eren feels the breeze of their running as the first kid passes, then the next one.

 

“Ah!” The third one yelps, his sandal catching as he makes his turn past Eren.

 

“Oi, careful!” Levi scolds.

 

Levi snaps his arm out, catching the last boy before he falls straight on his face.

 

“Ah, thanks!” Mouse-masked boy chirps and scrambles to stand upright again and catch up with his friends.

 

Eren laughs. He whips around and cups his hands around his mouth, yelling out after him, “Hey, watch where you’re going!”

 

Sighing, Eren, shakes his head and smiles. Kids. He turns back towards Levi.

 

Eren gasps.

 

Levi has his hand lifted to his face, the one that had caught the boy before his fall. His gray eyes are focused on that hand, which has begun to glow, the very tips of his fingers starting to go translucent.

 

Eren chokes for air. He spins around again.

 

“Don’t tell me – That was –”

 

The first two children, Eren spots a pom-pom like tail on the leading blonde one, and on the next a brown tail that curls in a spiral. And on the last child -- _None_. His mind races. Those children had to have been the same age as Petra and Auruo, the duo that they had met earlier. Levi had said younger spirits were not picky of their company, choosing to hang out with other spirits or humans indiscriminately...

 

"Gunter! Erd! Wait for me!" The third boy holler out, and that is the last words Eren hears from them before they all disappear into the shadows of the trees.

 

Eren takes in a ragged, shuddering breath, snapping back around to face Levi.

 

“He wasn’t—“

 

Levi looks away from his hand, which has disappeared down to the middle of his palm now, and instead brings his surprised gaze to Eren’s.

 

“Levi!” Eren yells, the beginnings of a sob already cracking his voice. He rips the mask from his face. The scarf falls, forgotten to the ground.

 

Levi’s gaze softens. And he spreads his arms out towards Eren.

 

“Eren, come.”

 

And Eren rushes forward, hastily and before the tears he knows that will come will mar his vision.

 

“Levi--!” Eren cries aloud, running forward into that open embrace so hard, he is surprised they do not topple over. But Levi catches him, his body firm and strong, what Eren had always wondered and imagined and now he knows—

 

“I can finally touch you.”

 

Eren is not sure if it is he or Levi who says that, but it does not matter. He is too busy lowering his face and burying it into Levi’s shoulder, nuzzling his nose into that neck and breathing in the scent of pines and Levi.

 

Eren shudders and the first, racking sob snares his lungs, but he forces himself to inhale everything that is Levi. He feels fingers curl into his hair, and this is real, _Levi is real_ because he can feel him in his arms, finally. And then Levi's hands are pulling his head back so that he can see Eren's face. Eren sniffles and blinks back tears, letting his vision clear just enough in that split second to see Levi search his eyes for permission and Eren lunges forward in answer.

 

Their noses bump harshly, but they surge forward and their lips find one another. Eren croaks, tasting the salt of his own tears. Levi’s teeth accidentally clack against his own in their rushed fervor, and it sends a painful jolt all through Eren’s head. But Eren revels in the sharp burst of pain – Because it means he can feel it – He can feel Levi.

 

And it is that thought that makes Eren fist his hands into Levi’s shirt, and he closes his eyes when he wraps his arms fully around Levi. He lets himself feel what he has only dreamed of. His hands unconsciously move on their own, until they have roughly maneuvered underneath Levi’s shirt. So focused on touching Levi, Eren has become so hyper aware of how Levi feels and how Levi's hands feel on him -- The way Levi’s hands card so insistently through Eren’s hair. How their lips smack loudly together, desperately, and harshly between hasty gasps of air. How Levi's muscled abdomen rises and falls under Eren's searching fingertips.

 

Eren feels along the contours of Levi’s stomach, up and down that firm chest, then curling back down and wrapping his arms around that trim waist and stroke his hands up Levi’s spine. The action makes Levi curl his spine and press harder into Eren.

 

Eren breathes and tastes and touches. He finds Levi’s skin to be warm, but cooler than his own, his flesh soft, but slightly roughened  from living in the outdoors. Levi’s hands wander away from Eren’s hair, down the back of his neck, to his cheeks, and Eren learns that Levi’s fingertps are lightly calloused, and the little sensations they rub along his jawline make him shiver.

 

That sensation of hands on Eren's skin disappears, and the glowing light has strengthened.

 

“Levi. Levi, _Levi_ ,” Eren whines against the Levi's mouth.

 

“Shut up,” Levi mumbles against Eren’s lips, hooded silver eyes meeting his. And Eren whimpers and nods and understands that this moment is not about seeing or speaking, but feeling. He feels Levi’s eyes shut as well, when those lashes flutter against his cheek, and he sinks into another kiss. Levi’s lips were cool and dry, but soon turn moist in their ministrations, and Eren groans when their lips part and he feels the roughness of Levi’s tongue when he gives a tentative lick. Levi's breath hitches, and Eren whimpers at the foreign sensation, but it makes his stomach churn with heat, and he lets his curiosity guide his tongue to rub heavily against the other's.

 

Eren feels his arms slip and grasp onto empty air, when the weight of Levi's torso disappear. The boy scrunches his eyes shut, as if to deny to himself that the lower half of Levi's body has also started to disappear. He gasps, fights to breathe, and tears are tracking silently down his cheeks now. Eren pulls away from Levi’s lips, weakly smiles at him, and tilts his head down again and again to pepper kisses to the tip of Levi’s nose, along one sharp cheekbone and over his brow.

 

When he pulls back, his sight is filled with nothing but the vision of Levi smiling up at him, and it is so open and sincere.

 

“Eren,” Levi whispers. His breath feathers against Eren’s bruised lips, and Eren smiles back. He leans down for one final kiss. Their lips graze chastely, and he feels Levi breathe out, “Thank you.”

 

And then, Eren’s arms are empty.

 

Eren falls forward. His knees hit the ground hard, but it does not hurt, not compared to the hollow ache in his chest. The sound of Levi’s mask hitting the ground is muffled by the grass and Eren’s crying. The last glowing lights within the circle of Eren’s embrace flutter out and away, blending into the lights of the fireflies briefly, before they float up into the sky, free.

 

Eren's body shakes harshly with his sobs. He still can feel the press of Levi's body against his chest, the burn where their hands and lips had touched.

 

With shuddering arms, Eren forces himself to sit up. He digs his hand into the neckline of his shirt, jerking out the twine necklace of black and white feathers he had received from Levi as a child.

 

"Levi. Levi, _please_ ," Eren pleads weakly. His voice reaches nothing but empty air.

 

His fingers tighten around those feathers.

 

"Levi, please, you said that no matter what, you'd find me."

 

Silence. Fireflies continue their slow dance in the still night air.

 

Eren collapses forward again. Something hard presses into his palm. Blearily blinking at his tears, Eren lifts his hand to see Levi's mask staring up at him. Hollow. Nothing.

 

Cold and shivering, Eren takes the mask in both hands. He turns it over, raises it up. He covers his face with it, closes his eyes and allows his tears to continue to track down his cheeks freely.

 

The inside of the mask is still warm.

 

  
When Eren closes his eyes, he can still feel Levi's warm breath, fluttering feverishly against his lips.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren says nothing when he returns home that evening.

 

Erwin does not ask, does not need to, not when he looks over again at the jar.

 

Empty.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE DON'T KILL ME ~~YET~~. 
> 
> Because this is not the last chapter. /FLEES


	12. Chapter 11 + Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am hesitant to call this a final chapter or epilogue. Instead, I would like for you all to see it as not an end, but a beginning.
> 
> Thank you all for staying with me until the very end. It's been a wonderful journey with you all, rediscovering my love for writing.

 

 

 

_-9 Years Later-_

_  
_

_“Do you believe in second chances, old friend?”_

_“I do. If not in this lifetime, then in another.”_

 

 

 

 

Erwin closes the book, setting it down in his lap. A content smile graces his face. These days, creases at the corners of his eyes accent his smiles. They only seem to add to the older man’s rugged handsomeness, Eren thinks, from what he sees from behind the camera crew that is filming his uncle. His uncle sits on the leather couch in the living room that is still the same after all these years.

 

Eren looks on from a few feet away, back pressed to the cottage wall. His stance is casual, and Eren exudes a calm demeanor. However, his clenched hands behind his back, if they could be seen, would speak otherwise.

 

“Oh, Erwin, that was wonderful,” He half-hears his mother coo in admiration. “Thank you for inviting us to your book reading.”

 

Erwin stands from the couch when Carla comes in from where she had been hovering in the dining room entrance next to the living room.

 

Erwin chuckles good-naturedly and walks around the couch and over to Carla, and also closer to where Eren is standing.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing Carla, just for the small local news network. Regardless, thank you so much for coming.”

 

“Oh, not at all!” His mother continues to gush, “To have your book be published is a big deal, after all!”

 

Carla rests a hand on Erwin’s forearm.

 

“I can’t believe it’s been so long since the last time we saw you.”

 

Erwin hums softly at that in agreement. “Yes, it’s been too long. Has it really been nine years?”

 

“Yes, I can’t believe it myself!” Carla replies. “My baby boy is now twenty-six and…”

 

Eren curls his hands even tighter. His nails dig uncomfortably into the tender skin of his palm. Eren darts his eyes around the room, only to feel uncomfortable when his attention lands on the bird painting above the fireplace. He swallows and shifts his legs. How odd that as a child and through his teenage years, he always looked forward to being here in the summers, and yet now Eren is reluctant to be here. He turned his back on this place nine years ago and had not been back since. He had denied and buried that heavy pain. He went on to university, started his career, made himself fall in love again (he never thought he would), traveled a bit… He had done what Levi had asked him to do. Live his life and for Levi. If he could meet Levi now, would the man that he has become be one that Levi does not regret?

  

Erwin raises his gaze to search Eren’s eyes. Eren, who has not spoken a word save for a subdued “hello” to his Uncle when they first arrived, can only hold eye contact for a few seconds, and then he is looking down at his feet. He blocks out all further conversation in the room, ignores the local camera crew cleaning up, and the few that approach him to ask if he would mind being interviewed.

 

Eren turns on his heel and wordlessly opens the cottage door, quietly shutting it behind him. He lets his eyes roam over the dirt roads. The dust seems to swirl easier than before, much less tamped down by wheels and the tread of human feet. Erwin had said something about the population in this tiny countryside town decreasing over the years. The elderly only got older, and more of the young ones were moving out to the larger cities.

 

He passes his eyes along the other small houses, vaguely wondering how many are empty now. Eventually, he brings himself to look at the forest he has avoided. The lush green of the treetops still paint the horizon no matter which direction he looks. It is the same bright canvas of green against blue.

 

Everything is the same, but at the same time, nothing is.

 

His mother had asked him to dress nicely for the visit to Erwin’s, and Eren feels nothing but stifled in his suit. He digs a finger into the collar and jerks at his midnight blue necktie to loosen it. A duffel bag is slung over his shoulder, and he had not bothered to remove it since arriving at Erwin’s. The duffel bag is not heavy at all, but he is very aware of its weight; of what sits inside and has remained unopened for years.

 

The young boy, now a man, shuts his eyes to the scenery and breathes in the crisp air. A cool breeze flutters his hair. He has never been here in spring before. It is so unlike the hot summers that it feels almost entirely like a new place. Summers left him hot and sticky even if he had only taken a few steps out of the cottage, but the spring air is comfortable.

 

Perhaps the lighter air makes it easier for him to walk forward, down those porch steps, and along a path he still has not forgotten. Or maybe it is the crispness of the air, still cool with the last few breaths of winter, but promising the warmth of new life. Something makes Eren continue to place one foot in front of the other.

 

He only stalls when he is at the top of the mossy stone stairway, right in front of the large arching gateway. That gate looked massive to him as a child, but appears so much smaller now. Eren stares up at it, watching the sky change behind it as the clouds slowly drift with the wind.

 

Eren stares and stares until his neck begins to ache. He feels a slight tingle in the corner of his eyes, but shuts them before his vision wavers too much with a moistness that pools there. He shakes his head and takes a deep breath.

 

He returns his gaze forward. The archway is empty as when he first arrived. His lip trembles because he has never seen it that way before. Because Levi was always waiting for him under it.

 

He grimaces as he recalls how he had gone back to the mountain god's shrine, screaming and begging and nearly scratching his hands raw as he clawed at the rough stones of the shrine. The god had given life to Levi once, surely he could do it again, Eren had pleaded between choked cries. Every time, he was met by cruel silence; as silent as when Levi had turned to nothingness in his arms. Hanji and Mike had to forcibly drag him away by teeth and claw, in fear that Eren's vehement yells would anger a large spirit.

 

Eren shakes himself out of his reverie and wills himself to take the two steps he needs to pass under the gate and stand in the forest. Eren inhales shakily and grabs at the strap of his bag.

 

He has made it.

 

“I’m here, Levi.” Eren says and kneels down on the grass. He presses his hands firmly into the earth, steadying himself. The coolness of the earth and the prickle of grass are soothing and familiar.

 

Minutes later, Eren shrugs his bag off and opens it, taking out all the contents: A wooden box, a worn-out green scarf, and a dusty ivory mask.

 

Eren lays them out before him on the grass.

 

His fingers tremble when he reaches for the box. It takes him a while, and he is not sure how many times he runs his hands over the simple box in hesitation before he finally opens it, the lid creaking loudly from lack of use. Despite all his trepidation, he smiles because this box contains all of his favorite things.

 

His favorite things are the scent of dried lavender and pines, the softness of hydrangea petals, and the tickle of dark green grass between his fingers.

 

Eren picks up the deep green scarf before him, running his fingers over it. It is well worn, but soft, and he presses his nose into it, inhaling deeply and soaking in his favorite scent. It is faint, but lingers, and if Eren really searches, he knows he can find it.

 

And then he is folding the scarf, corner to corner, lining up the ends precisely.

 

A tear falls, and he folds that away with it.

 

Another tear follows, another fold.

 

Two, three more plop down in the next fold.

 

And he loses count on the final fold because his vision has blurred too much.

 

With a shuddering breath and shaking fingertips, he lowers it into the box.

 

The scents of lavender and pine briefly waft up as the box’s contents are disturbed.

 

He runs his palm over the scarf, tucking the corners in with his fingertips until there is not a wrinkle. He swallows back his tears and the heaviness deep in his throat.

 

He leans down, closing his eyes. No more tears shall fall, he decides.

 

He laughs.

 

He smiles.

 

"I love you," Eren whispers.

 

Words left unsaid are the last pieces he drops into the box.

 

Eren shuts the lid. He fingers sink into the earth. He digs and digs with his bare hands, making himself focus on nothing but the action itself until he has made a hole that is elbow-deep.

 

Eren buries everything away. The box. The mask. His aching heart. He returns everything to the forest.

 

“It seems I’ve made you wait again, Levi,” Eren says. He pats the last bit of dirt in place. He claps his hands together to shake off the soil. He can only imagine Levi frowning at his messy hands, and a sharp laugh escapes Eren. His chest feels lighter, like he can breathe in a lot easier.

 

The rustling of grass and the snapping of a twig make Eren look up. His eyes widen at the familiar fox approaching him.

 

_“Thank you, Eren.”_

 

“Hanji…” He gasps. Hanji’s voice is soft, almost distant, despite that she is right in front of him.

 

_“As much as we would have loved for Levi to live on forever, I think… What he truly wanted was to know what it means to be human.”_

 

_“Most of all, you gave Levi the chance to be loved. To be held by another human. Thank you for giving him that.”_

 

Eren shakes his head. His chest swells with emotion, but he is done with tears, and he smiles at the memories that warm him from the inside out.

 

_“He is free now…”_

 

Eren looks back down at the mound of earth between his arms. Levi is free. No longer confined within the borders of the forest. No longer living in fear of being touched by human hands.

 

_“...And the cycle can begin anew again.”_

 

Eren sniffs and roughly scrubs the rest of his tears away with his sleeve. He is smiling so widely now. He is happy because Levi is free, and now he is too. The burden he has carried all these years has finally been lifted from his chest.

 

“Eren! ...Eren!”

 

Eren lifts his head abruptly, his vision clear in a way it has never been before.

 

“Papa!”

 

Eren blinks. The field before him is empty.

 

Eren stands up on his own feet, sure and steady. When he turns around to the small figure toddling towards him, he spreads his arms wide and accepts him into a sweeping hug.

 

“Hello, son,” He breathes with a smile. At that moment, Eren feels like he actually sees his son for the first time. He squeezes his son close, pats the soft crown of hair, and fondly looks into those wide green eyes that match his own.

 

“Papa, we found you!”

 

“There you are, dear. Erwin said if you were to be anywhere, you would be here…”

 

Eren laughs heartily and ruffles his son’s hair. The boy shrieks, throwing up his tiny hands to grab at Eren’s hand. Those small hands curl around Eren's index and middle finger. The touch is warm, tight and secure.

 

Drawing the boy into his arms, Eren hoists his son up against one shoulder. The small boy throws his arms around Eren’s neck.

 

Another giggle.

 

“Papa, fox o’er there! Fox say ‘bye bye!’”

 

Eren turns, chuckling.

 

“Oh, that must be…” Eren trails off.

 

The grass field before them is empty.

 

His son wiggles his arms, waving at something he sees, but Eren cannot.

 

Eren smiles and kisses his son’s brow. He turns and walks out of the forest, head held high and a smile that is so wide it hurts.

 

His first love was bittersweet. It will probably still be a while before he looks forward to summers again. But Eren has nothing but happy memories with Levi. 

 

Memories of summer and a warmth in his hands and against his lips -- Eren decides he will live on with these in his heart.

 

_Someone who can’t sacrifice anything, can’t ever change._

 

_Levi is free._

_He is free._

 

“Let’s go, Levi,” Eren whispers to the wind. “I’ll see you again, perhaps in another life.”

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

_-If not in this lifetime, then in another.-_

 

 

 

 

Eren Jaeger snaps awake, bolting upright from the tree he slumbers against. His hair catches in tree bark, and he winces at the light snagging sensation when he jerks his head away. The book, whose final lines echo in his head, tumbles off of his lap and thuds into the grass.

 

The green-eyed, brown-haired teenager blinks against sunlight. Images from his daydream dissolve away, slipping like sand between one's fingers, until he has no recollection that he had even dreamed at all.

 

Eren smiles up into the clear blue sky. He yawns, all wide-mouthed and with loud groans, stretching his arms out so high and cracking his stiff elbows and neck.

 

He picks up the fallen book, dusts the dirt off of the cover, and snaps it shut. This book was the only one among his assigned summer reading list that had captured his attention, and enough so that he read it from beginning to end. E. Smith’s story of a corporal and one of his soldiers in a post-apocalyptic, giant-infested world had sucked Eren in completely. And Eren has never been fond of older pieces of literature either, but the story was written in such a way that even Eren felt like he could relate to the soldiers in some way.

 

He is finished with that book now though, and Eren shoves it into his backpack and stands up.

 

He surveys his surroundings, grinning widely and soaking in all the greenery and towering sequoia trees that stretch towards the sky.

 

Eren loves his part-time summer job as a forest ranger. As a kid he practically lived outdoors, spending his days running among trees, kicking up leaves, diving into lakes, and chasing after birds and butterflies.

 

He especially loves summers here, where it is slightly cooler, and he sees nothing but brown and green and blue, for the sequoias are so tall that they fill one’s vision completely except for the open patches of sky above them.

 

Eren loves the smell of the forest, the firmness of earth under his feet, and the prickle of grass when he rolls about in it. He is especially fond of the smell of pine trees and lavender flowers, though he could never explain why. It just somehow feels like home, warm and comforting.

 

Eren leans back with his hands on his hips to crack his back until there is a satisfying pop. And then, he is off, trotting through the forest with a beat in his step. Humming a cheerful tune, Eren glances up at the sky to gauge the angle of the sun, and then double-checks the time on his watch. It is nearly three, so he ought to get back to the base at the edge of the forest and report back in.

 

Summer vacation is ending soon, and Eren frowns when he thinks about all the summer homework he has put off until now. He has four more days at least, and he supposes he could work on it a bit today at the base. He does have three more hours until the bus comes up to the ranger base and he could take it back to his small hometown that sits at the foot of the mountain.

 

Eren's hometown in the mountains is only two hours by car to the nearest city, and while his friends like to head out there during their summer vacations, Eren preferred to spend his time in the forest. So much so that he started his part-time ranger job when he turned fourteen.

 

Two years later on the job, Eren is quite familiar with the forest, and he is confident enough to boast that he could find his way back with his eyes closed. He knows countless routes, but he always takes his favorite one back, which circuits around a pond. That pond would get fireflies every few years, and though he has not seen them since he was nine, he wonders if they will be lucky this year.

 

He rounds a boulder and a shorter sequoia, a mental marker for himself that he is nearing the pond. He wonders what time his sister Mikasa will come back from the city tonight and what his mother will cook for dinner. Too busy with his thoughts, Eren does not notice the other person when he enters the clearing.

 

There is a loud plop from the pond that grabs Eren’s attention. He blinks at the unnatural sound of the water’s surface breaking, and searching out the source of it, finds his gaze landing on a small figure crouched at the water’s edge.

 

It is a young boy, squatting at the edge of the pond with arms wrapped around his knees. The boy is clad in a white polo t-shirt and black shorts that are immaculately clean. Eren thinks this is surprising, considering he can never keep himself clean in the forest, and this kid is definitely less than half his size. The boy picks up stones from a small pile beside him, carelessly throwing them into the pond.

 

Eren frowns, wondering how a kid got this deep into the forest, and with no parent in sight.

 

“Hey!” Eren calls, speeding up his steps to a light jog, “You okay?!”

 

The boy lifts his head, eerily calm, and stares at Eren’s approach, unmoving and not blinking at all.

 

“Hey, uh, kid, what’re you doing all the way out here?” Eren offers what he hopes is a helpful, comforting smile. “Are your parents around?”

 

The boy remains unresponsive, not batting a single eyelash. Eren squirms a bit, wondering how a tiny little kid’s stare can unnerve him like this. The kid’s large eyes are a pale shade of gray, oddly unreadable in their concentrated focus on Eren.

 

“Are you lost?” Eren tries.

 

The boy finally blinks, and then rapidly looks down and away from Eren. His lips push into a pout. Stiffly and with reluctance, the boy nods once.

 

“Oh, okay,” Eren grins, “Well, don’t worry! I’m a forest ranger, so I can help you. What’s your name?”

 

The boy turns his boring stare on Eren again.

 

“Levi,” The boy pipes up, then picks up a twig next to him and scratches out his name in the dirt right at his feet. Eren tilts his head in amusement because he had not asked the boy to spell it out for him, but it was adorable nonetheless.

 

Levi, when finished, then looks back up at Eren with all the seriousness of a kid.

 

“You?”

 

Eren is surprised by the kid’s bluntness, but replies, “I’m Eren.”

 

“How spell?” Levi shoves his stick out towards Eren, jabbing the older boy in the stomach with it. Eren rubs his stomach as if in mock-pain, then takes the stick and neatly spells out E-R-E-N. When Eren finishes, he waits, and Levi finally nods as if in approval. Levi snatches back the stick and twirls it between his small hands.

 

Eren searches for what to say next. “How old are you, Levi?”

 

Levi’s thin brows furrow together a little as he thinks. Those lips pout a little bit again, making the boy’s round cheeks lift. Levi sticks out two fingers. He frowns, reconsiders, lifts up another finger, and firmly states, “Three.”

 

Then Levi is looking imploringly at Eren again.

 

“Oh, I’m sixteen,” Eren says, realizing Levi had been waiting.

 

And Levi stares, expectant.

 

Eren lifts both hands to show ten fingers, then folds down four fingers on one hand to leave six standing.  

 

Levi bobs his head up and down in understanding.

 

Eren rubs the back of his head.

 

“Well, Levi, why don’t we get out of here before it gets dark,” Eren says. He shifts into a kneeling position and offers his hand out, palm up towards the boy. Levi’s gray eyes sweep over Eren’s hand. Slowly, Levi stretches his arm out until he shyly drops his smaller hand into the center of Eren’s palm. Eren cautiously closes one finger at a time around that tiny hand, until he is holding it in a gentle grip. Eren smiles reassuringly at Levi. That seems to encourage Levi, for then he takes a step forward and allows himself to be lifted into Eren’s arms. Eren gets to his feet, shifting his arms to properly hold Levi.

 

Levi, still clutching the stick, begins to swing it absently, and accidentally smacks the left side of Eren’s head with it.

 

“Hey! Watch it,” Eren says with an exaggerated whine. Levi stops flailing his arm, and though he does not say sorry, his stony gray eyes search along the side of Eren’s head for any injury. Levi suddenly lets go of the stick and it clatters to the ground, forgotten. The small boy presses that now free hand into Eren’s left cheek.

 

“Is okay,” Levi says flatly, affirming with a nod that there is not a wound on Eren. Eren laughs and nuzzles his cheek into that smooth palm that cups his cheek.

 

Levi wiggles in Eren’s hold and boosts himself up to wrap his arms around Eren’s neck to hold onto him. Levi buries his face in Eren’s hair, only to let out a sneeze a second later.

 

“Eren’s hands are clean, but hair smells like dirt,” Levi states.

 

Eren snorts at that. He pats the boys back, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his breaths, and the warmth seeping through his polo shirt.

 

Eren hums as he walks, rubbing the boy’s back soothingly. Levi has his arms wrapped around Eren’s neck in a nearly vice-like grip, but as they continue to make their way through the forest, Levi gradually relaxes until he is slumped with his chin resting on the older boy’s shoulder.

 

“Do you live around here?” Eren queries after a while.

 

He feels the boy nod, his soft dark hair tickling the side of Eren’s face.

 

“Do you remember how to go home?” Eren continues gently.

 

Levi shakes his head, the movement sluggish. “Just moved here. I dunno where new house is.”

 

“Hmm…” Eren hums out. He tilts his head so he can look the boy in the eye, but whatever he was going to say next is lost on him when he realizes Levi has fallen asleep. Eren supposes he did something right, then, for Levi to relax so quickly in his arms.

 

When Eren returns to the forest ranger base twenty minutes later, he is greeted by the relieved gasps and cries of a mother, who had been frantically describing what her son looked like to his coworkers.

 

“Oh, Levi, thank goodness--!” The woman, who has the same raven hair and gray eyes as her son, gasps, running towards Eren. The noise makes Levi stir, and he lifts his heavy head from Eren’s shoulder. The boy is frowning, clearly the cranky type when he wakes up. The half-awake Levi turns his head, and only seems to half register it his mother, his eyelids still drooping.

 

Eren loosens his hold on Levi, ready to hand him over, as the mother outstretches her arms to receive him.

 

Levi suddenly clamps his arms tightly again around Eren's neck, hiding his sleepy face in the older boy’s neck.

   
“Levi,” His mother tries to coax, “Come on, let’s go.”

 

Levi shakes his head vehemently, “No. Wanna stay here with Eren.”

 

Eren chuckles. He pulls back Levi a bit so they can look each other in the eye. Eren studies Levi's face -- Cheeks gone a bit red in stubbornness, thin lips scrunched together, gray eyes impatient.

 

“Levi, your mother’s been worried sick about you, so you really should go,” Eren says. Levi continues to eye Eren, not satisfied.

 

Eren lets out an exaggerated sigh and pretends to think about it. “Okay, if you really want to see me, I’ll be here tomorrow.”

 

Levi tilts his head to the side ever so slightly, as if considering the idea. Then, he abruptly sticks out his left hand in a tight fist, pinky finger out.

 

“You promise?” Levi asks softly and innocently, a certain fragility in his voice.

 

Eren smiles and gives a firm nod.

 

“Yes.”

 

“And the day after too?”

 

“Tomorrow, the day after, and the day after that too.” Eren loops his own pinky with Levi’s. Levi had just said he moved into town too? He would have to ask where.

 

Levi looks down at their linked fingers. Then, slowly but surely, Levi smiles. Eren is momentarily breathless at how sweet and beautiful the sight is. Levi laughs and lets go of Eren’s pinky, only to lift his hands and clap them against Eren’s cheeks. Eren laughs back at the playfulness of it and presses their foreheads together.

 

“I promise.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel it's not good to talk too much here, like I should let the story speak for itself. At the same time, I want to leave these final notes for AWB.
> 
> Perhaps some of you will see this as an unsatisfactory end. I've had the ending of this story planned out from the beginning, save for some minor details. The previous chapter is where the movie actually ends. The reincarnation bit is my own added twist. I can't _not_ give Eren and Levi at least a **chance** at a happy ending. At the same time, I do not want to simply throw away everything they went through. 
> 
> This is a coming of age story, and Eren's "sacrifice" before he becomes an adult (and finally loses his ability to see spirits) is accepting that Levi is gone. In the end, I could not see them being satisfied living a life where they could not touch each other. By freeing them, perhaps they have another chance in this new one. A Warm Breath concludes with a beginning.
> 
> Again, I can't thank you all enough for the continuous love, support, and inspiration ♥ I've got one or two new story ideas that I've been playing around in my head, so hopefully see you all again really soon!


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